To be fed up of ‘random man’ interactions

Organictangerine · 2022-05-12T10:01:16+00:00

Just got stuck talking to a bloke on crutches while walking my dogs in the park. No problem but after a full 5 minutes of him wittering on about nothing much I make it clear I’m in a bit of a hurry and carry on. Reach a remote part of the park at the back behind some trees. After a few minutes realise he has followed me (despite struggling using the crutches through the wood) and is clearly expecting to carry on the chat! I make excuses and leave. AIBU to be fed up of men seeing women (and 99% of the time it is women) as decorative humans there to provide smiles and endless chit chat? I realise the above doesn’t seem massive but after 1000 similar interactions I’m getting fed up.

BigFatLiar · 12/05/2022 11:11

Would it have been OK if it had been a woman? I've found these events to be equally annoying when it's a woman. There's an old lady with a cavalier king charles stops and talks to me, I don't even have a dog. I suspect they're just desperate for someone to talk to.

Original poster

Organictangerine · 12/05/2022 11:15

I guess my point is that it very rarely happens with women and is much more likely to be a man. And their person of choice is very usually a woman, not another bloke. I don’t see loneliness as a good reason to follow a woman into a secluded area when she’s made it clear she doesn’t want to continue the interaction.

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TooManyAllergies · 12/05/2022 11:16

I hate this!
And the men are always so boring!
They want women to be impressed with their mediocre lives.

I started just to keep walking and not engage.
First I felt bad (not that I should, just female socialization you know)
It gets easier and easier with time.
And added bonus, don’t have to waste time with men👍🏻

WhenDovesFly · 12/05/2022 11:17

I agree they're probably lonely and you may be the only other human being they get to talk to that day. If time allows then be generous and give them a few minutes of chit chat, but don't feel obliged to stand there for hours.

One day it could be any one of us going out and about, desperate for a bit of human interaction. Be kind when you can.

WhenDovesFly · 12/05/2022 11:18

Accepted though, he should not have followed you into a secluded area.

Thehawki · 12/05/2022 11:18

Is it a ‘women with dogs thing’ I wonder? I only get this when I’m out walking my dog, but I get it so often when I am. With other women we might stop for a minute then say goodbye, but men (with or without dogs) just seem to stop me in the streets for ten to twenty minutes 🤷‍♀️ I even had a man pick my sixth month old Labrador puppy up to give her a cuddle, after I’d told him not to let her jump. That one is the only one I’ve felt unsafe with though.

BigFatLiar · 12/05/2022 11:20

You're lucky if you haven't had this with women. We had/have twins and we got lots of random people, usually women, stopping to talk about kids. It was annoying.

Blueberrywitch · 12/05/2022 11:24

I always engage when they’re old because I am aware of loneliness issues, but very much agree with this on the younger male front! Also see: random men on the street tracking my walking speed and starting up a convo to ask if I have a boyfriend. It’s irritating to have to fob off politely when you really want to say “excuse me?? Fuck off!”.

I am in two minds about it though. On the one hand I want to live in a society that isn’t devoid of nice random social interactions, on the other hand I don’t want to be rudely harassed, and sometimes it’s hard to know what the (usually) man’s intentions are. Luckily as I age this seems to be reducing, I guess a scowly street wise mid 30s woman is probably less appealing than a wide-eyed girl new to London haha.

Having a dog has been great as it’s a nice way to interact and chat in a park and then very clear excuse to finish convo after a brief time as need to continue the dog walk.

TooManyAllergies · 12/05/2022 11:25

WhenDovesFly · 12/05/2022 11:17

I agree they're probably lonely and you may be the only other human being they get to talk to that day. If time allows then be generous and give them a few minutes of chit chat, but don't feel obliged to stand there for hours.

One day it could be any one of us going out and about, desperate for a bit of human interaction. Be kind when you can.

Well, they should stop and bother other men.

It’s not women’s responsability.
And usually they only want to talk AT people.
So rude, in so many ways.

Original poster

Organictangerine · 12/05/2022 11:26

I’m not objecting to chatting to strangers, I’m objecting to the fact it’s very usually men who take it to a level that makes you uncomfortable or annoyed - by following you, making unwanted remarks/comments, asking you to ‘smile’ etc

Last week I walked past a man who was parking up next to the field. He shouted out the window ‘hang on a moment love let me get my dogs out and I’ll come with you’. I didn’t even know him!!

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Original poster

Organictangerine · 12/05/2022 11:27

TooManyAllergies · 12/05/2022 11:25

Well, they should stop and bother other men.

It’s not women’s responsability.
And usually they only want to talk AT people.
So rude, in so many ways.

Show quote history

This is it - why don’t they stop other men to chat if they’re lonely? Why is it women 95% of the time?

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OMGTTC · 12/05/2022 11:32

I’ve had this when out walking my dog too, OP. One man asked if she was my mum’s dog (I’m 28 🤨). Then, when my dog got tangled with his dog, both on their leads, rather than drop his dog’s lead (this was on an enclosed former railway line, high banks both sides), he decided to hug me to pass his the lead from one hand to the other, behind my back. I was so taken aback that I didn’t say anything and I really wish I had.

I’ve seen him since with his wife and funnily enough there was none of that business in front of her.

Original poster

Organictangerine · 12/05/2022 11:40

when my dog got tangled with his dog, both on their leads, rather than drop his dog’s lead (this was on an enclosed former railway line, high banks both sides), he decided to hug me to pass his the lead from one hand to the other, behind my back

omg! It sounds awful like something David Brent would do 🤢 poor you!

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donquixotedelamancha · 12/05/2022 11:49

I guess my point is that it very rarely happens with women and is much more likely to be a man.

I think I've had this with women more than men.

why don’t they stop other men to chat if they’re lonely? Why is it women 95% of the time?

The point is that people like this stop anyone who will listen. DW gets it more than me (its always women with her) because she's a mug kind, so makes eye contact.

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 12/05/2022 11:49

they're probably lonely and you may be the only other human being they get to talk to that day

What if they're not? What if they enjoy talking at people and find that more gratifying than entertaining themselves?

Following a lone woman somewhere quiet is creepy. I would have got my phone out and said 'why have you followed me?' You don't have to be nice if you're unnerved by someone's behaviour and they should be told about its impact.

Original poster

Organictangerine · 12/05/2022 13:45

donquixotedelamancha · 12/05/2022 11:49

I guess my point is that it very rarely happens with women and is much more likely to be a man.

I think I've had this with women more than men.

why don’t they stop other men to chat if they’re lonely? Why is it women 95% of the time?

The point is that people like this stop anyone who will listen. DW gets it more than me (its always women with her) because she's a mug kind, so makes eye contact.

I very rarely see them stopping or following other men. In fact I don’t think I’ve ever seen this.

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JennyJumpup · 12/05/2022 13:59

It sounds like you (and others on this thread) need to learn how to be assertive and terminate a conversation. There are ways of doing it without being rude.
"Well it was nice speaking with you!” or "“I just noticed the time! It’s getting a bit late. It was a pleasure meeting you!” or "“NI’ll leave you to get on with your walk now.” etc etc

Original poster

Organictangerine · 12/05/2022 13:59

I did terminate it… he followed me…

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Original poster

Organictangerine · 12/05/2022 19:23

Skiptheheartsandflowers · 12/05/2022 11:49

they're probably lonely and you may be the only other human being they get to talk to that day

What if they're not? What if they enjoy talking at people and find that more gratifying than entertaining themselves?

Following a lone woman somewhere quiet is creepy. I would have got my phone out and said 'why have you followed me?' You don't have to be nice if you're unnerved by someone's behaviour and they should be told about its impact.

i was speaking to DH about this earlier. I said very few women would feel able to confront a man particularly in a secluded area, so we end up politely explaining our way away from them and so the cycle continues. So annoying

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DrinkFeckArseBrick · 12/05/2022 19:30

I agree women do this as well.

But I think in a lot of cases, the men that do it, target only women and wouldn't follow another random man to talk at them after they've started to walk away or continue to talk after the other person has given strong signals that they want to stop the conversation

MissChanandlerBong80 · 12/05/2022 20:04

Luckily as I age this seems to be reducing, I guess a scowly street wise mid 30s woman is probably less appealing than a wide-eyed girl new to London haha.

This has been my experience too. I used to be absolutely plagued by this crashing bore kind of a man when I was younger but now I’m older it happens much less.

toastfiend · 12/05/2022 20:33

WhenDovesFly · 12/05/2022 11:17

I agree they're probably lonely and you may be the only other human being they get to talk to that day. If time allows then be generous and give them a few minutes of chit chat, but don't feel obliged to stand there for hours.

One day it could be any one of us going out and about, desperate for a bit of human interaction. Be kind when you can.

And yet none of them do it to other men. They don't seem at all interested in human interactions with other men, and no one tells men that they owe people their time because they should feel sorry for the poor dears wilfully ignoring all social cues that they are uncomfortable...

CorpseReviver · 12/05/2022 20:55

@Blueberrywitch Also see: random men on the street tracking my walking speed and starting up a convo to ask if I have a boyfriend. It’s irritating to have to fob off politely when you really want to say “excuse me?? Fuck off!”.

I don't think you're as 'scowly and streetwise' as you think you are, if you're 'fobbing them off politely' and letting them ask you personal questions.

Mind you, growing up in London you learn to deal with this as soon as you start going around without your parents, so at 11 years old in my case.

There is no 'having to be polite' about it. You don't owe anyone your politeness or your time or your smile.

donquixotedelamancha · 12/05/2022 21:00

And yet none of them do it to other men. They don't seem at all interested in human interactions with other men.

But they do do it to men. I had a lucky escape in the supermarket queue yesterday because the very odd bloke prattled away to the man next to me instead of me.

no one tells men that they owe people their time

If there is a difference in frequency between sexes, I think it's this. In my youth I was properly misanthropic and just didn't get bothered but as I've mellowed my random conversation repellent has weakened.

Giraffesandbottoms · 12/05/2022 21:04

I have this problem with men and women equally, if not worse with women!