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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you report this to the Police?

41 replies

Newcastlegirl · 11/05/2022 23:17

On paper it seems so obvious - but it is such a dilemma.

Please don’t flame me - but be honest.

Would you report a friend to the Police if you knew they were driving while under the influence?

Its a very close friend who I am in regular contact with, but don’t see very often because of distance.

I am not supposed to know. I live abroad, so I don’t see what’s going on. Someone has told me they’ve seen her do it / they know she’s doing it. More than once.

Ive been asked not to talk to her because it would implicate other people - ie she would find out someone has been talking about her. But does that even matter?

OP posts:

RoomOfRequirement · 11/05/2022 23:19

If I KNEW, I would. But I wouldn't listen to gossip from others and then report, especially if I lived in another country.

lolly07766 · 11/05/2022 23:21

Ditto to above

Bunty55 · 11/05/2022 23:24

Why should you do it? Let the people who have seen it report it and stay out of it

Original poster

Newcastlegirl · 11/05/2022 23:24

What if you were confident they were not gossiping? And that the other person does KNOW but isn’t willing to do anything about it?

OP posts:

Original poster

Newcastlegirl · 11/05/2022 23:24

People who have seen it don’t seem to want to report it. Other people have seen it too and spoken to them about it - again not being reported

OP posts:

Alphabet1spaghetti2 · 11/05/2022 23:26

Yes. But I would have to know it/seen it myself not via gossip.
(family member run over by drink driver)

Bunty55 · 11/05/2022 23:30

Why do you think it is your responsibility OP

Desmondo2021 · 11/05/2022 23:31

I would email it in to the relevant local police force via their website. Unless you were reporting it happening right at that moment it will be submitted as intelligence and potentially a marker put against the vehicle. You would need to have vehicle details to make it worthwhile intel and ideally provide details of the regular journeys/locations she may be driving UTI.

Bunty55 · 11/05/2022 23:33

It's still gossip if you haven't seen it for yourself. Why can't the gossips report it?

Original poster

Newcastlegirl · 11/05/2022 23:36

I don’t see it as my duty as such - but it’s playing on my mind a lot

OP posts:

Thatboymum · 11/05/2022 23:36

I wouldn’t no , if something bad were to happen that’s on her not you, if other people around her are that concerned let them do it

Original poster

Newcastlegirl · 11/05/2022 23:37

Honestly Bunty, the person who has told me isn’t a gossip. He is also a concerned friend who doesn’t know what to do.

if it was purely gossip and unfounded then I wouldn’t have started the thread. But I know it’s likely to be happening

OP posts:

Optimist1 · 11/05/2022 23:38

I agree with pps that reporting what you haven't witnessed first hand would be wrong.
You need to persuade the person who's telling you that they have a responsibility to report.

Original poster

Newcastlegirl · 11/05/2022 23:38

I know it would be on her - but I would also hate to have that on my conscious

i wish the people who have seen it and who know she’s done it because they are local would pick up the phone!

OP posts:

Bunty55 · 11/05/2022 23:38

Tell the friend to report it. Why do they want you to fire the bullets?

Original poster

Newcastlegirl · 11/05/2022 23:43

They haven’t mentioned reporting it. They’ve not mentioned it - either because they wouldn’t do that to a friend or because they are having the same thoughts as me?! Who knows. They aren’t asking me to do it either. I’ve not mentioned doing it

OP posts:

tootiredtoocare · 11/05/2022 23:45

If I was being told second hand, it would drive me crazy too, but you can't report it because although you seem confident you know it's true, you don't know when or where it is happening. You need to have a discussion with your friend who is seeing it and he needs to report her. Ask him the blunt question - how would he feel if he watched her drive off knowing she was incapable and she hurt or killed someone else? He'd be saving them and your mutual friend. I would report anyone, friends, relatives, whoever, if I knew they were drink/drug driving and I'd stand in front of their car while I did it.

roastedsaltedpeanut · 11/05/2022 23:47

Objection! Hearsay!

Excuse me, I have been watching too much of Johnny dept videos.

But the logic stands. Without evidence your allegation won’t stand, no matter how strongly you believe it’s true.

Your strongest argument is that you HEARD from several people who you PERCEIVE to be trustworthy and therefore you believe this truth.

Even if the police act upon that allegation and questions your friend and she says: no I didn’t drive under influence. That would be the end of the inquiry.

If you are concerned for your friend’s wellbeing it is best to speak to her and connect with her rather than going to the police with an allegation that you cannot prove.

Katya213 · 11/05/2022 23:48

It’s difficult, I can see both sides to why I wouldn’t tout on them and why I would. Sorry I’m no help.

Original poster

Newcastlegirl · 11/05/2022 23:49

Trouble is some of this is coming to us 3rd hand - but from very trustworthy people. For example a couple of weeks ago there was a big night out. Once everyone went home she drove in her car somewhere - no one saw it but she had to drive home the next day and that’s when people realised.

OP posts:

HeddaGarbled · 11/05/2022 23:52

I can’t imagine that the police will act on a non-specific report, based on hearsay, from someone living in a different country. They’re not going to arrange a stake-out. They can only act if they get a report whilst the DUI is happening.

AngelinaFangelina · 11/05/2022 23:59

I would and have. I wouldn't say a close friend, but a guy I worked with was an alcoholic (always had an open can in his jacket in the locker room so he could take sips throughout the day). Such a sweet man, but had massive problems. He drove in every day and I knew he was always massively over the limit. I couldn't stand by and watch him kill someone driving through a busy town every day, past schools and play areas....so I phoned the police one day and when he left work he was pulled over and breath tested. He was three times over the drink drive limit. He quit work as he needed time to sort his life out. Does he know it was me? No. Do I regret it? Also no. We lost touch but I hope he is doing better these days.

fallfallfall · 12/05/2022 00:00

I’d speak to the local police. In my experience they need to catch them behind the wheel while over the limit.
however with the info they might set up a random check nearby in hopes of catching her (and others) but entrapment becomes an issue if they monitor her too closely.

NewJerseyWater · 12/05/2022 00:01

I would always report people for this. In your situation, I would try, but I’m not sure how seriously it would be taken. I would still try though. Hopefully they only kill/hurt themselves, not others if they have an accident.

AcrossthePond55 · 12/05/2022 01:25

Just calling and telling the police that someone drives after drinking won't accomplish anything. There is no actual proof that they do, is there? As far as I know the police will do precisely nothing. They aren't going to show up at their house and question them or read them the riot act because for all they know it's a malicious report.

The police have to 'catch them in the act', meaning that someone has to call the police when the person leaves a location drunk and gets behind the wheel.

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