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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you report this to the Police?

41 replies

Newcastlegirl · 11/05/2022 23:17

On paper it seems so obvious - but it is such a dilemma.

Please don’t flame me - but be honest.

Would you report a friend to the Police if you knew they were driving while under the influence?

Its a very close friend who I am in regular contact with, but don’t see very often because of distance.

I am not supposed to know. I live abroad, so I don’t see what’s going on. Someone has told me they’ve seen her do it / they know she’s doing it. More than once.

Ive been asked not to talk to her because it would implicate other people - ie she would find out someone has been talking about her. But does that even matter?

OP posts:
Circumferences · 12/05/2022 01:35

I'm no expert but I think the police can only actually do anything if they breathalyse the person at the actual time of driving.

There's no use calling 999 "so-and-so was in the car driving under the influence last weekend" I don't think they can do anything.

Circumferences · 12/05/2022 01:36

X post there

FlissyPaps · 12/05/2022 01:40

You’re definitely not being unreasonable in wanting to report this. As it shows you’re concerned for the safety of your friend and any innocent people they are putting at risk due to their selfish actions.

Unfortunately the police won’t act unless it’s too late. & by too late I mean they are at the scene of an accident caused by your friend being drunk behind the wheel. 😔

Unless you follow them one night whilst they’re evidently drink driving and phone 999 to report your concerns. (Could end up in a police chase though.)

Sad situation as you seem like a good person. Hope your friend is able to sort it out.

Allinadayswork80 · 12/05/2022 01:41

HeddaGarbled · 11/05/2022 23:52

I can’t imagine that the police will act on a non-specific report, based on hearsay, from someone living in a different country. They’re not going to arrange a stake-out. They can only act if they get a report whilst the DUI is happening.

This. Considering how stretched the police are, I can’t really see that anything can or would be done. You haven’t actually seen it happening.
Out of curiosity, are we talking drunk or drugs? And how much exactly?

Vikinga · 12/05/2022 01:50

If it was my friend I would talk to her. Discuss what can happen and then if she doesn't change then yes I would report it.

Blinky21 · 12/05/2022 02:20

What can the police do though they can't prove anything unless they actually stopped them and they were drunk at the time?

Ladywiddio · 12/05/2022 02:21

The Police won’t be interested in heresay whatsoever.It could backfire on you if the Police think you are being malicious.Nothing to do with you,it’s up to actual witnesses to report it.

Wiltshire90 · 12/05/2022 02:28

(I am a police officer)

If you have the woman's registration plate then by all means submit a report to the police. It will be marked as intelligence and potentially a marker put on the vehicle.

They won't go knocking on her door or anything. The car will ping up on local systems if the intel is good enough quality:

  • registration plate
  • times and dates likely to be driving
  • locations

Your details would be sanitized and it won't show the intel has come from you.

If you don't have that information I wouldn't bother as it's too vague.

Time2ChangeName · 12/05/2022 06:28

Allinadayswork80 · 12/05/2022 01:41

This. Considering how stretched the police are, I can’t really see that anything can or would be done. You haven’t actually seen it happening.
Out of curiosity, are we talking drunk or drugs? And how much exactly?

Show quote history

I work for the police and we had an email yesterday with a concerned neighbour reporting someone for possible drink driving and as the PP has said that intelligence has now been logged. Their vehicle will ping up and they will be pulling them over at some point.

Monty27 · 12/05/2022 06:43

Create a diary on her movements and get proof.
Or keep your beak out.
Do you have a life? Can't you talk to her and mutual friends? Why do you feel compelled to do this you don't even actually know if it's gossip.
Do you know her number plate?

OverByYer · 12/05/2022 06:46

Wiltshire90 · 12/05/2022 02:28

(I am a police officer)

If you have the woman's registration plate then by all means submit a report to the police. It will be marked as intelligence and potentially a marker put on the vehicle.

They won't go knocking on her door or anything. The car will ping up on local systems if the intel is good enough quality:

  • registration plate
  • times and dates likely to be driving
  • locations

Your details would be sanitized and it won't show the intel has come from you.

If you don't have that information I wouldn't bother as it's too vague.

Was about to say the same 👮

Mrswobblethewaitressiatired · 12/05/2022 06:50

Definitely report. As PP suggest, do via email. I used to work in a bar and reported every single person who I knew was driving home after more pints than they should have. Car ref, description of driver and where they usually drive - John leaves the station Inn after 5 pints every evening around 7 and drives home to x.

Catshaveiteasy · 12/05/2022 06:54

The police can only deal with a crime as it happens or if there is hard evidence it has. They aren't going to lurk at the end of her road and leap out when they see her get into a car. So your report will likely go nowhere unless a minor is involved and put at danger.

Also you are not in possession of any first hand evidence. The concerned friends, who maybe are, should speak to your friend or her family if they want to help. If they have not got the courage to do so, that's on them. Why involve you, except to engage in malicious gossip?

Monty27 · 12/05/2022 06:58

Catshaveiteasy · 12/05/2022 06:54

The police can only deal with a crime as it happens or if there is hard evidence it has. They aren't going to lurk at the end of her road and leap out when they see her get into a car. So your report will likely go nowhere unless a minor is involved and put at danger.

Also you are not in possession of any first hand evidence. The concerned friends, who maybe are, should speak to your friend or her family if they want to help. If they have not got the courage to do so, that's on them. Why involve you, except to engage in malicious gossip?

All of that. ^

PurpleSweetPeas · 12/05/2022 06:58

Desmondo2021 · 11/05/2022 23:31

I would email it in to the relevant local police force via their website. Unless you were reporting it happening right at that moment it will be submitted as intelligence and potentially a marker put against the vehicle. You would need to have vehicle details to make it worthwhile intel and ideally provide details of the regular journeys/locations she may be driving UTI.

This ^
Exactly what I was going to say.

Original poster
Newcastlegirl · 12/05/2022 11:36

Thanks all.

as I said I don’t feel it’s my job to do it any more than anyone else’s.

Ive been asked not to speak to her about it because the people who are telling my friends don’t want to be implicated as gossips / talking about her.

There are people closer who know too and they haven’t done anything.

I just feel so guilty that she could hurt herself or someone else. I know it wouldn’t be “on me” but I know she’s doing it / has done it.

I know everyone is saying it’s hearsay but it’s coming from people who are trustworthy. With no hidden agenda. And more than once.

Ive found out today when speaking to someone who lives nearby that they are worried she has done it with her child in the car too.

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