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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not take her to the party

38 replies

Noclowns · 11/05/2022 22:07

My dd has today been invited to a party on Friday evening. I don’t think the invitation was an afterthought, the parents are very relaxed and presumably thought this was enough warning.

We have a dilemma because I’d booked tickets a couple of weeks ago for a circus on Friday, and both my dc have been looking forward to it… I know my dd will want to go to the party though as it is a close friend. At the same time I don’t feel I can take ds to the circus on his own.

Money is extremely tight right now. I can’t change or sell the tickets and I can’t afford to buy them for another day. Would I be unreasonable to try and talk dd out of the party? I think I probably would but it’s likely the last big day out we’d be able to have for some time.

OP posts:
luxxlisbon · 11/05/2022 22:23

Why can’t you take DS on his own?
I get that money is tight but if you have already bought the tickets I don’t see what difference it makes if DD goes to the party or not other than an arbitrary view of waste.
You have already bought the ticket but is it any less of a waste if DD is miserable because she would rather be at a party?
Could your DS invite a friend to the circus?

TeaAndBrie · 11/05/2022 22:24

How old are your children?
if you DD would rather be at the party then the chances are that she will be moody if you take to the circus instead.

ThinWomansBrain · 11/05/2022 22:25

agree - ask your daughter what she'd prefer
if she wants to go to the party, invite frind of DS.

Unless that gives huge problems with collecting DD from party.

AnwenDolly · 11/05/2022 22:27

Can you let your daughter go to the party and see if your son would like to take a friend to the circus?

Original poster
Noclowns · 11/05/2022 22:28

They are 6 and 8. I think dd will be upset either way, I can’t really win.

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 11/05/2022 22:30

I'd let her go to the party and ask DS to choose a friend to take the other circus ticket. I know it's frustrating, but parties are so important to them at this age and so much part of their socialisation with school friends.

Twinstudy · 11/05/2022 22:30

Let your DD choose. If she chooses the party then take your son (and a friend if he wants) to the circus. Why should your son miss out because his sister gets to go a party?!

Zemw · 11/05/2022 22:31

She is old enough to make a decision.

notangelinajolie · 11/05/2022 22:32

I’d politely decline and take both kids to the circus.

Original poster
Noclowns · 11/05/2022 22:32

ThinWomansBrain · 11/05/2022 22:25

agree - ask your daughter what she'd prefer
if she wants to go to the party, invite frind of DS.

Unless that gives huge problems with collecting DD from party.

It does actually, I wouldn’t get there in time for pick up if we went to the circus. Dh could miss it and get her though. I’ll chat with her tomorrow but I know it’s going to stress her out. DS’s feelings are obviously important too.

OP posts:
Izzycat28 · 11/05/2022 22:32

I don’t see the problem with telling your daughter you already had plans for Friday night and she can go next time?
Sometimes that’s how it is!

Wherehasthecommonsensegone · 11/05/2022 22:34

I don’t think I’d be giving it as much thought, if we have pre arranged plans and tickets booked they unfortunately can’t go to the party especially at such short notice. I think at 6 and 8 they’re old enough to understand they won’t be able to go to everything and I bet once at the circus she’ll have a great time.

Also, given the short notice I bet other children won’t be able to go so she won’t be the only one.

titchy · 11/05/2022 22:35

Don't overthink it! She's been invited to a party but already has something planned so can't go. If party girl is a good friend suggest she invites her for a sleepover or something. There'll always be parties!

Ihatethenewlook · 11/05/2022 22:35

Izzycat28 · 11/05/2022 22:32

I don’t see the problem with telling your daughter you already had plans for Friday night and she can go next time?
Sometimes that’s how it is!

This. It should have been shut down straight away. ‘We’ve already got plans that day that we can’t change sorry’. Now there’s going to be hand wringing and tears, and the decision put on a small child who the op says will get upset either way

LittleOwl153 · 11/05/2022 22:35

I would simply say sorry already booked to be elsewhere. Parties are not everything at that age and you have already spent money on this treat.

Eucalyptusbee · 11/05/2022 22:35

Can you find out who else is going to the party? Might be that hqrdly anyone can go with such short notice- that might affect your decision!

Otherwise let youbdaughter choose and get someone else to pick up. Son can take a friend.

Original poster
Noclowns · 11/05/2022 22:36

Wherehasthecommonsensegone · 11/05/2022 22:34

I don’t think I’d be giving it as much thought, if we have pre arranged plans and tickets booked they unfortunately can’t go to the party especially at such short notice. I think at 6 and 8 they’re old enough to understand they won’t be able to go to everything and I bet once at the circus she’ll have a great time.

Also, given the short notice I bet other children won’t be able to go so she won’t be the only one.

Thank you. I did think that. Part of me is hoping it’ll be cancelled and rearranged.

OP posts:
5foot5 · 11/05/2022 22:36

Noclowns · 11/05/2022 22:28

They are 6 and 8. I think dd will be upset either way, I can’t really win.

Circus.
Your DD can't be in two places at once so just one of those things they have to learn to accept.
And that is really short notice for a party.

underneaththeash · 11/05/2022 22:37

They’ll turn down many more parties OP don’t stress.

Greensleeves · 11/05/2022 22:37

Noclowns · 11/05/2022 22:32

It does actually, I wouldn’t get there in time for pick up if we went to the circus. Dh could miss it and get her though. I’ll chat with her tomorrow but I know it’s going to stress her out. DS’s feelings are obviously important too.

Show quote history

Could you explain the situation to the party parent and ask them to hang on to her for a bit longer until you can pick up? I would be more than happy to do that if I were the host parent.

WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe · 11/05/2022 22:39

Definitely over thinking this. You already have plans so unfortunately she can’t go this time. Shame but it’s just one of those things, certainly not fair for rest of the families plans to change because of a last minute invite

Quartz2208 · 11/05/2022 22:39

Izzycat28 · 11/05/2022 22:32

I don’t see the problem with telling your daughter you already had plans for Friday night and she can go next time?
Sometimes that’s how it is!

This - is simply is the fact that you have other plans.

These things happen (and more than once) DD missed her best friend since Nursery 13th Birthday because we were visiting her 98 year old Nan.

You dont talk her out of it you explain she cant go because she has other plans. It is a good life lesson and one which will occur again.

5foot5 · 11/05/2022 22:41

I’ll chat with her tomorrow but I know it’s going to stress her out. DS’s feelings are obviously important too.

So don't put the decision on her. Explain she can't do the party because of the circus. Job done. No need to stress children that age with decisions like this.

MiniatureHotdog · 11/05/2022 22:42

I'm with pp who said this is a non issue. If we already have plans and get invited to something else then "sorry but we already have plans" is said straight away? It's also not a great lesson to teach DC that it's OK to change plans when you get a better offer (I know the circus won't be offended, but say a less special friend had invited them to something first, you don't cancel that because a closer friend invites you to something).

Bournetilly · 11/05/2022 22:42

I thought your DD was going to be older but if they are 6 and 8 YANBU. Giving 2 days notice for a party is not enough, you are probably not the only ones with plans. I’m sure she will enjoy the circus, and wouldn’t be fair on DS to cancel, I’d just say you’ve already got plans.