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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not take her to the party

38 replies

Noclowns · 11/05/2022 22:07

My dd has today been invited to a party on Friday evening. I don’t think the invitation was an afterthought, the parents are very relaxed and presumably thought this was enough warning.

We have a dilemma because I’d booked tickets a couple of weeks ago for a circus on Friday, and both my dc have been looking forward to it… I know my dd will want to go to the party though as it is a close friend. At the same time I don’t feel I can take ds to the circus on his own.

Money is extremely tight right now. I can’t change or sell the tickets and I can’t afford to buy them for another day. Would I be unreasonable to try and talk dd out of the party? I think I probably would but it’s likely the last big day out we’d be able to have for some time.

OP posts:

GroggyLegs · 11/05/2022 22:42

Sorry kiddo. No party on this occasion, but birthday girl can come for tea/sleepover whatever next week.

Tell her no, don't make her chose.

Original poster

Noclowns · 11/05/2022 22:44

MiniatureHotdog · 11/05/2022 22:42

I'm with pp who said this is a non issue. If we already have plans and get invited to something else then "sorry but we already have plans" is said straight away? It's also not a great lesson to teach DC that it's OK to change plans when you get a better offer (I know the circus won't be offended, but say a less special friend had invited them to something first, you don't cancel that because a closer friend invites you to something).

I would usually do this but it really is a close friend and she actually missed their party last year because she was sick (not trying to drip feed, just didn’t want to be outing).

I am overthinking things 100%.

OP posts:

AhhSlippedOnMahBeansRitaaa · 11/05/2022 22:48

Can you offer to have the party friend over for a play date/sleepover another night?

Clymene · 11/05/2022 22:50

You have plans. It's a shame but that's the way it goes. I hope you have a great time at the circus

Original poster

Noclowns · 11/05/2022 22:54

Thanks everyone. You’ve all made good suggestions, I need to toughen up and make a decision.

OP posts:

PinkWisteria · 11/05/2022 23:26

You already have plans to do something nice, so unfortunately your daughter can't make the short notice party.

Lessofallthisunpleasantness · 11/05/2022 23:27

Let dd go to the party and bring a friend along with DS to the circus. That is what I would probably do.

Kite22 · 11/05/2022 23:29

Quartz2208 · 11/05/2022 22:39

This - is simply is the fact that you have other plans.

These things happen (and more than once) DD missed her best friend since Nursery 13th Birthday because we were visiting her 98 year old Nan.

You dont talk her out of it you explain she cant go because she has other plans. It is a good life lesson and one which will occur again.

Show quote history

This.

I wouldn't put the decision upon her, I would have just said straight away "Oh, what a shame, it clashes, so you won't be able to go" (and if you want you could add something like 'we'll have friend around for tea one day next week instead' or something, but only if you want to.

Dates will clash all the time. Not a bad lesson to start learning that once you are committed to one thing, you can't just drop out at the last minute for something else.

Changethenamey · 11/05/2022 23:35

anything under the age of about 10 and it wouldn’t even be discussed - you already have plans. Arrange for dd to do something with special friend another time. Of course it’s disappointing but she can’t be in two places at once and this is booked and paid for.

scatteredglitter · 11/05/2022 23:41

If your dd is really good friends with party child then I think I would let them go to the party if that s what she would prefer and bring ds and one of his good friends to the circus.
Dd gets a party with her friends and Ds gets an opportunity to have a fun play date with his pal, ....(and hopefully a return invite for ds) win win.

EllaPaella · 12/05/2022 06:23

Izzycat28 · 11/05/2022 22:32

I don’t see the problem with telling your daughter you already had plans for Friday night and she can go next time?
Sometimes that’s how it is!

This! Just one of those things. She'll forget about the party soon enough.

Quartz2208 · 12/05/2022 07:59

Noclowns · 11/05/2022 22:54

Thanks everyone. You’ve all made good suggestions, I need to toughen up and make a decision.

Yes you do. And it has to be your decision. Putting this onto an 8 year old simply isnt fair because what is she suppose to do - choose between her friend or something with her family.

Explain to her why she cant go - say you will try and arrange something with her friend separate to this and do the same with the invite

comealongponds · 12/05/2022 08:06

You already have plans so she can’t go to the party. I wouldn’t give her a choice if it’s going to cause unhappiness either way, especially if her going to the party makes things difficult for the rest of you to go to the circus

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