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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My wedding was the greatest that never was?

59 replies

Notanothernamechangebarry · 11/05/2022 09:39

First time and very long post.

Covid cancelled my wedding.

This was it - a beautiful country house and a newer build rented out for 3 days for close family and bridesmaids.

The day before we all relaxed together and got the children staying used to the accommodation.

I'd hired kids entertainer & 5 babysitters for actual day.

Food was provided 24/7.

The actual day bridesmaids and family were offered their hair and makeup done.

Bride (me) was doing my own.
All outfits I'd bought for my bridesmaids from asos.

On invites we stressed no worrying about gifts or dress code or little ones getting stressful, we just want you to have fun.

Small intimate wedding service with family and close pals.

Then guests arrive to a magician/comedian and a glass of champers or cocktail or whatever they want.
Then some really decent canapés, catering for anyone from carnivore only to gluten free plant based.

The kids were enclosed and babysat, they were given a kids table and whole building to play, do crafts, watch films, go outside and also jobs like be in charge of Polaroid photos being taken and the dress up box. They had endless food and drinks and sunscreen applied. My baby sitters were the daughters of friends who worked in nurseries etc.

The adults mingled in/outside.

There were musicians, magicians and flowing free drinks.

Then the main meal, a band played outside and a giant amount of bbq and salads and breads and also dietary required plethora of tasty, homemade food.

Speeches weren't essential for people to gather and watch, there was plenty of cocktails, cakes, different bands, a karaoke and lawn games.
However the man giving me away is a brilliant comedian so it would have been worth the watch.

The elderly guests had rooms to stay in and be together in a quiet part of the house, both hot drinks and booze on tap.

We had fire eaters, dancers in neon facepaint a bunch of alpacas and cows, endless musician mates of ours wanting to perform for us, some wanted to do a live band karaoke.

We had a room for a REAL disco. (My mum was a 70s music queen)

Night Time was comfort foods to soak up the booze, so toasties and a giant cheese wheel cake and breads and homemade chutneys. Bacon butties and cuppa teas.
Other things for the vegans like loaded hash browns or sauasge toasties.

So much wedding cake which was vegan and gluten free.

Kids had a donut wall through out the day and vintage ice cream van showed up.

The whole day was based around food and entertainment and people feeling comfy.

The invites specified "please wear whatever you're feeling happy and comfortable in".

I did all this on a 10k budget.
The food was more expensive than the renting of the buildings.

We tried my best to include the feelings of everyone for this day.

My dress was £50 off ebay. My bridesmaids dresses cost more but I adored my dress!

I know it was traditional but I had everything from disabled toilets, trusted babysitters and just all I could to cover everything from non drinkers such as dp and I, to barrels of cider locally made and local sloe gin.

I'm currently in hospital and this is my first post.
Covid killed off many of the guests we wanted there so now we're eloping one day!

But please tell me, would you have enjoyed our wedding?
Would it have been your idea of hell?

OP posts:
RedGazelle · 11/05/2022 09:46

It sounds lovely to me.

Covid cancelled my wedding too but the day wasn’t at all what I wanted so I was a bit relieved!

BaaMoon · 11/05/2022 09:47

I am so sorry covid has led to the loss of your loved ones. I would have enjoyed your wedding, though I do prefer small scale and don't feel lamas and cows are entertainment and I probably would have left early in the evening as I don't do long nights these days. I hope you enjoy your elopement and again, so sorry for your losses. X

thisplaceisweird · 11/05/2022 09:49

You lost me at fire eaters. Food sounds naff. The truth is, only you think your wedding is perfect, and that's absolutely fine, you would have had the best time and that's the point. I'm sorry it got cancelled.

PetersRabbitt · 11/05/2022 09:50

Sounds amazing, really well thought out and a magical day!
Not better than you being well and out of hospital and having an actual wedding though, even if it’s in a dilapidated old barn on a stormy day, as you and the groom to be all that matter on your day, the rest is just materialistic.
Sprry you won’t have some people there due to covid, but I’m sure they will be there in spirit and in your thoughts and they would be wishing you the best.

Reality is better than fantasy really…get well soon.

JollyWilloughby · 11/05/2022 09:53

Sensory overload for me I’m afraid but I’m sure your guests had a wonderful time.

i am slightly sceptical at all that only costing 10k though.

Thethreecs · 11/05/2022 09:54

I'm starving reading this 😁 sounds like a wedding I would go to and enjoy. Maybe not the animals but gosh everything is covered, everyone's needs and likes catered for.

Sorry you never got to have it. Sorry for your losses and I do hope you have an even more magical wedding soon.

mistermagpie · 11/05/2022 09:56

Sounds a bit 'much' to me, but I wasn't going to be there so it's not as if that matters! I can't understand how you were going to manage that all on 10k though...

Most weddings are a bit of a fantasy really (I've had two) and the reality can be more stressful and tiring than you think it's going to be. I loved my second wedding but it wasn't 'perfect' (it was outdoors and it rained!) because nothing is. Your fancy wedding wouldn't have been either I'm afraid.

The best thing to do is stop dwelling on all these plans and focus on the wedding and marriage you will get to have. I'm sorry for your losses too, it's really tough.

Loodally · 11/05/2022 10:01

It sounds amazing, the kind of wedding my children and I would have loved to attend.

I'm so sorry it all had to be cancelled

GiltEdges · 11/05/2022 10:02

As PP said, it would be a bit sensory overload for me personally. Also seems a bit try hard. A wedding day should above all be about the couple getting married, whereas you seem to have prioritised the care and comfort of everyone else ahead of yourself entirely. Fine if that's what you want to do I guess, but I'd choose the elopement any day.

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/05/2022 10:04

Sorry you’re ill and hope your wedding is a happy peaceful one.

BeenHereForYonkyDoodles · 11/05/2022 10:04

Blimy! All that for 10k?! Ours was 6K but it was a bit shit.
Sounds like you put a lot of thought into it for the people you cared about. I'm sorry you lost so many of them. I'm sure they would have loved the day but I'm equally sure they'd all be made up just to see you happy.
Enjoy your wedding and best of luck to you.

TeeBee · 11/05/2022 10:05

Hang on, tell me more about loaded hash browns. I bloody hate weddings, but I'd be there for that.

BetsHilton · 11/05/2022 10:14

The best thing to do is stop dwelling on all these plans and focus on the wedding and marriage you will get to have. I'm sorry for your losses too, it's really tough

I agree with the above. What you describe is a fantasy. You’ve no idea how it would’ve gone in reality - lashing rain, everyone stuck in side going dead with the noise of multiple bands and entertainment acts squished in next to them, lamas spitting at children, children having a tantrum, someone whose not vegan taking a fancy to and eating all the vegan food. Overall it’s not my cup of tea for a wedding, but dwelling on what might of been is not good for you - especially the idealised view of the day you’ve created.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 11/05/2022 10:20

yep agree with the others. Of course you think your wedding was great you planned what you wanted! And didn’t have the day for things going wrong.

but yes, fire eaters are naff and I don’t like the idea of animals as entertainment

trevthecat · 11/05/2022 10:23

As a guest I would have loved your wedding. Sounds amazing. Butttttt as the bride, we eloped. It was romantic, just about us, simple and beautiful. We got ready together, got married, had some photos done and then went to eat in an amazing restaurant. We rented an Airbnb and finished our evening with champagne on a rooftop balcony. Hope you have a day that is perfect for you when the time comes

FlickyCrumble · 11/05/2022 10:24

Sounded like a great wedding. A real special day out. Weddings can be so boring and structured. Best of luck for your elopement.

Igmum · 11/05/2022 10:25

I would have LOVED it. What a fabulous party and so thoughtful of others. Fantastic food, entertainment, kids' activities and accommodation. So sorry you're ill OP and sorry for your loss. I hope the wedding you do have is wonderful too

BetsHilton · 11/05/2022 10:26

trevthecat · 11/05/2022 10:23

As a guest I would have loved your wedding. Sounds amazing. Butttttt as the bride, we eloped. It was romantic, just about us, simple and beautiful. We got ready together, got married, had some photos done and then went to eat in an amazing restaurant. We rented an Airbnb and finished our evening with champagne on a rooftop balcony. Hope you have a day that is perfect for you when the time comes

Sounds amazing!!

FoundationClassic529 · 11/05/2022 10:28

I like the sound of the fire eaters & the good selection of food

I hope that you feel better soon

Zazdar · 11/05/2022 10:31

I planned something similar and it all worked in reality.

tootiredtoocare · 11/05/2022 10:32

It sounds lovely. The best weddings to attend are the ones where things have been organised from a guest's point of view.

Overthewine · 11/05/2022 10:32

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Nowomenaroundeh · 11/05/2022 10:33

People here are horrible.

You planned a day that was all about keeping the guests happy, relaxed, well fed and their children entertained. It sounds bloody amazing.

I put a thread up here recently about being so over weddings. My objection were pretty much the opposite experience to what you've described; stupid dress code, no food for hours and hours, all obligation and no consideration to the guests. I live in Ireland so a cash deposit in a card is basically obligatory, no thank you card afterwards just one generic thank you Facebook status update. The whole thing cost myself and partner about 1k to fund. It was all about b&g, guests were just extras at their photo shoot.

I'm planning my wedding and intrigued as to how you managed this financially.

I'm so sorry it hasn't happened and I'm so sorry for your losses.

Why are you in hospital? I've spent a long time there over the last couple of years, I'm blissfully healthy now but i remember it well lying there ruminating on what I'd lost.

I wish you excellent health and a long happy marriage.

Zazdar · 11/05/2022 10:34

I'm planning my wedding and intrigued as to how you managed this financially.

It is a dream wedding. Not real.

Trafficjamlog · 11/05/2022 10:35

I can't see how you could have done all of that for £10k and made it as nice as you think it would have been

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