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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

My wedding was the greatest that never was?

59 replies

Notanothernamechangebarry · 11/05/2022 09:39

First time and very long post.

Covid cancelled my wedding.

This was it - a beautiful country house and a newer build rented out for 3 days for close family and bridesmaids.

The day before we all relaxed together and got the children staying used to the accommodation.

I'd hired kids entertainer & 5 babysitters for actual day.

Food was provided 24/7.

The actual day bridesmaids and family were offered their hair and makeup done.

Bride (me) was doing my own.
All outfits I'd bought for my bridesmaids from asos.

On invites we stressed no worrying about gifts or dress code or little ones getting stressful, we just want you to have fun.

Small intimate wedding service with family and close pals.

Then guests arrive to a magician/comedian and a glass of champers or cocktail or whatever they want.
Then some really decent canapés, catering for anyone from carnivore only to gluten free plant based.

The kids were enclosed and babysat, they were given a kids table and whole building to play, do crafts, watch films, go outside and also jobs like be in charge of Polaroid photos being taken and the dress up box. They had endless food and drinks and sunscreen applied. My baby sitters were the daughters of friends who worked in nurseries etc.

The adults mingled in/outside.

There were musicians, magicians and flowing free drinks.

Then the main meal, a band played outside and a giant amount of bbq and salads and breads and also dietary required plethora of tasty, homemade food.

Speeches weren't essential for people to gather and watch, there was plenty of cocktails, cakes, different bands, a karaoke and lawn games.
However the man giving me away is a brilliant comedian so it would have been worth the watch.

The elderly guests had rooms to stay in and be together in a quiet part of the house, both hot drinks and booze on tap.

We had fire eaters, dancers in neon facepaint a bunch of alpacas and cows, endless musician mates of ours wanting to perform for us, some wanted to do a live band karaoke.

We had a room for a REAL disco. (My mum was a 70s music queen)

Night Time was comfort foods to soak up the booze, so toasties and a giant cheese wheel cake and breads and homemade chutneys. Bacon butties and cuppa teas.
Other things for the vegans like loaded hash browns or sauasge toasties.

So much wedding cake which was vegan and gluten free.

Kids had a donut wall through out the day and vintage ice cream van showed up.

The whole day was based around food and entertainment and people feeling comfy.

The invites specified "please wear whatever you're feeling happy and comfortable in".

I did all this on a 10k budget.
The food was more expensive than the renting of the buildings.

We tried my best to include the feelings of everyone for this day.

My dress was £50 off ebay. My bridesmaids dresses cost more but I adored my dress!

I know it was traditional but I had everything from disabled toilets, trusted babysitters and just all I could to cover everything from non drinkers such as dp and I, to barrels of cider locally made and local sloe gin.

I'm currently in hospital and this is my first post.
Covid killed off many of the guests we wanted there so now we're eloping one day!

But please tell me, would you have enjoyed our wedding?
Would it have been your idea of hell?

OP posts:
Vikinga · 11/05/2022 10:36

Sounds amazing op, I'd have loved that.

But enjoy your elopement and wish you a long and happy marriage.

tuliplover · 11/05/2022 10:37

Nice but doubt the kids would remained contained - half would insist on being with their parents.
But we'll planned! Not sure I'd like all those wandering entertainers, and it all sounds like it would have gone on and on. My tolerance is about four hours with minimal gap between ceremony and reception.

Indicatrice · 11/05/2022 10:38

thisplaceisweird · 11/05/2022 09:49

You lost me at fire eaters. Food sounds naff. The truth is, only you think your wedding is perfect, and that's absolutely fine, you would have had the best time and that's the point. I'm sorry it got cancelled.

How mean.

ItsLisaLou · 11/05/2022 10:38

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Alright miss havisham

IvorCutler · 11/05/2022 10:39

Bless you op. I’m sorry it didn’t happen.

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/05/2022 10:40

I think that sounds lovely and you obviously cared a lot for your guests. I’m sorry you never got to enjoy the day. You will have another great day and make lots of lovely memories throughout your life.

Notanothernamechangebarry · 11/05/2022 10:40

Thanks folks!

(The animals lived there, they'd not been bought for entertainment especially!)

It actually cost under 8k! I think it was largely due to the fact my partner worked with so many entertainers and it was essentially them planning a night to show off 🤣

I'm very shy so my idea of fun was lots of areas and places people could gather but not feel forced to stay in.

Everyone's right of course, because it never happened it was a fantasy, I will say the day it happened the weather was absolutely gorgeous!

Thanks for replying...

Loaded hash browns were like Mexican street food tater tots type, or ones with beans, cheese or scheeze and veggie bits.

It was a bit naff but well done naff, if that makes sense?
Lots of artisan, cheffy type naff food.

I wanted everyone catered for so dp and I could just watch everyone have fun and eat cake!

Hopefully I'm leaving hosptial later today and I'm starting to plan for a small day now which we will enjoy far more.

I will say though the amount of pressure wedding guests face is awful, I think that's why I was so obsessed on keeping it light as opposed to my friends worried about money or outfits.

I do think my bridesmaids were a fight waiting to happen tho 🤣🤣
They caused drama like it was high school 🤣

Again thanks for replies 💐💐💐

OP posts:
Traumdeuter · 11/05/2022 10:48

Fire eaters and alpacas? 😂

DarlingNik · 11/05/2022 10:48

Sorry you didn't get the wedding you planned, OP. Hope your elopement is a lot of fun.

Love the idea of local things like your cider and sloe gin at a wedding- in my wedding-going years we travelled the length and breadth of the UK (and Europe) for friends' weddings and the ones where the couple had a real connection to the place and shared that with their guests were always memorable.

Notanothernamechangebarry · 11/05/2022 10:54

Should point out were from the North, so a Cheshire place must be much cheaper than a place down south, so maybe I had an unfair advantage?
I actually got the cash from a car accident, so because we'd not had money in a large sum we'd ever just "come into" we decided to go wild.

Anyone planning festival style weddings, look online for confident pub singers, they might have other musical friends and might be able to do some Good deals if you feed them and let them enjoy your festivities etc, we found loads of people wanted to perform for free just to say they had.
Magician was £1600 and that we never got back, but my fault for not insuring the wedding but I was naive.
The cakes made from novice bakers wanting to showcase skills and we encouraged them too, basically gave them budgets and said as long as they paid themselves well for their time, please enjoy just baking.
DP bought his clothes from a charity shop.
People sell hay bales, handmade bits and pieces and all the rustic stuff for coppers on fb.

Anyone else planning weddings I wish you all the luck in the world ♥️

OP posts:
Shortname · 11/05/2022 11:00

This sounds like a perfect wedding, I would definitely have enjoyed it. Eloping will be wonderful and exciting too + you'll probably get to keep most of that £10k. I'm sorry things haven't worked out as planned.

Mermaidkisses · 11/05/2022 11:35

I would have loved your wedding! Ours was in July (2nd marriage for both of us - in our late 50s now) We married on Brighton Bandstand having walked the length of the promendae in our wedding finery, after the wedding we had prsecco and canapes on the bandstand, followed by a lovely walk along the beach and rides on the carousel. The whole thing cost £5000 including a boutique hotel for all 12 of us, my dress and a honeymoon.
I still love my dress 😊

My wedding was the greatest that never was?
purpleboy · 11/05/2022 11:41

Ahh op sounds lovely, you've taken a lot of time to cater for everyone's needs. Sorry it couldn't go ahead, and for all your lost loved ones.
I hope your "next one" is as beautiful as you hope.

purpleboy · 11/05/2022 11:41

Mermaidkisses · 11/05/2022 11:35

I would have loved your wedding! Ours was in July (2nd marriage for both of us - in our late 50s now) We married on Brighton Bandstand having walked the length of the promendae in our wedding finery, after the wedding we had prsecco and canapes on the bandstand, followed by a lovely walk along the beach and rides on the carousel. The whole thing cost £5000 including a boutique hotel for all 12 of us, my dress and a honeymoon.
I still love my dress 😊

You look beautiful and so happy. 🥰

Onlyhuman123 · 11/05/2022 11:43

some people are such miseries!

Your day sounded amazing! Wow...you thought of everything.

gamerchick · 11/05/2022 11:46

I think it sounds mint Grin you can tell who only thought of themselves and what they could get out of their guests on this thread. Bet there was a poem.

Hope you feel better soon OP.

KaraVanPark · 11/05/2022 11:47

3 days would be 2 days too many for me. 1 day is enough to celebrate the wedding ceremony and have the reception then the bride and groom go off and start their married lives whilst the rest of us party a little longer then all go home to sleep and wait for the next wedding invite

darlingdodo · 11/05/2022 11:55

OP, sorry you didn't have the wedding you planned, but tbh these things never quite go as expected so it might not have lived up to your dreams. I'm sure your wedding will be lovely.

Mermaidkisses, you look stunning and so very happy (as does your DH 😁).

LimeSegment · 11/05/2022 12:05

One day is enough for me at a wedding too. After you've mingled, chatted and laughed on the first day, what is there left to mingle, chat and laugh about on the second and third day.

But yes, fantasy weddings are the best. In my fantasy wedding, it was a lovely sunny day and I was a size 8.

PriestessofPing · 11/05/2022 12:16

Would have bloody loved it!!

Lesperance · 11/05/2022 12:25

I am so so sorry you are ill and didn't get your wedding, and I hope you do enjoy your day just the same.
For me, I would have not enjoyed your wedding, as I don't like that sort of food and I wouldn't have enjoyed the events. But I might have if I knew you or the groom, because weddings are about celebrating people who are important to you. But just on paper, like that, not knowing you, this doesn't sound like a nice day to me.

PonyPatter44 · 11/05/2022 12:32

I like fire eaters, and alpacas, so I would have been very happy with both. I always fancied having one of those street magicians wandering amongst the guests and doing conjuring tricks.

Plumbathread · 11/05/2022 12:36

3 days would be 2 days too many for me.

Our wedding was on one day but guests were welcome to turn up early or leave late. Some came early, some stayed several days afterwards, most just came for the day or part of it.

LeeMucklowesCurtains · 11/05/2022 12:46

You had me at gluten free.

Last wedding I went to, I starved and ate a banana as the gluten free option was contaminated (no, I can’t just scrape bits off).

That wedding sounded bloody amazing.

veronicagoldberg · 11/05/2022 14:26

Cringe! Sounds so try-hard.