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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pay rent?

66 replies

Inapickle70 · 10/05/2022 12:21

Hi hoping for some good advice please. Currently live in a house with a mortgage. Always the aim to downsize when kids moved out. My daughter is moving out in 6 months. If I downsize I can buy a place outright so no mortgage. I have no savings or pension plan. Work full time but never no spare money. My partner is making noises to move in (he rents) but he thinks he can not pay rent. I think he should pay rent £200 a month which I would try to save. I literally have no spare money just need some savings incase car goes wrong etc. Am I being unreasonable, he currently pays £800 in rent. We would go half on bills roughly £300 each, so he would have to pay £500 a month. He currently pays £800 rent plus £500 bills. I just feel have worked so hard to pay mortgage, worked 7 days, 3 jobs at 1 point to let someone live rent free. Thank you

OP posts:
courtrai · 10/05/2022 12:24

I think you've answered your own question. It's a no from me unless he pays. He should have a formal rent agreement too unless you fancy him making a claim in equity based on any contributions he may make in future

MarJau26 · 10/05/2022 12:25

Yabu, because you shouldn't even be asking such a question. You worked really hard and could be mortgage free. It's a no Brainer. You seem to be looking for trouble getting into a rental arrangement with your dp who looks likes set to take you for a nice ride. Seriously don't be foolish for a man.

Bonjovispjs · 10/05/2022 12:28

No way would I let this free loader move in!

glitterfarts · 10/05/2022 12:28

How long has he been your DP? If less than 2 years say no.

You don't want this, he does.
It benefits him, not you.
Be sure before you say yes, and then have a lodger agreement in place to protect your property.

Bollindger · 10/05/2022 12:28

You tell him he can pay half his rent for living with you, and half the bills, remind him how much he is saving by moving in.
Also remind him you will doing chores he used to.
If he bulks at this tell him it is ok, he can continue as he is paying x amount, where he is.

MangoBiscuit · 10/05/2022 12:30

Why would he think he wouldn't need to pay rent? You're not his mother. And if he's living with you, he's taking up a chunk of the spave you would otherwise have solo use of. He's also going to be adding to the maintainence costs, even if it's just general wear and tear. Has he genuinely no thought about this, or is he just being a giant CF?

AhNowTed · 10/05/2022 12:40

No bloody way.

Sharing your house should benefit you both. This only benefits him. I bet he's looking forward to building up a nice little nest egg for himself, at your expense.

This would put me right off him.

Whammyyammy · 10/05/2022 12:43

He's a wannabe cock lodger. Pay rent or dint move in...🤷‍♂️

AnyFucker · 10/05/2022 12:43

He “can’t” pay rent ?

lof course he can, and he should pay his way.

Tell him to take a hike, you are not his mother.

Tschecked · 10/05/2022 12:44

Sod that! Don't let him in, he's already planning to take advantage. And £200 rent wouldn't be nearly enough, as he well knows. Think about all the money he's going to save to spend while you continue to struggle and end up I'm guessing running around doing housework and cooking for him. Aaargh!

ChazzaGirl · 10/05/2022 12:45

If he only pays half the bills, ie, £300, he’ll saving himself a whopping £1,000 a month. No way would I be happy with that. I’d be telling him he needs to pay half of his current outgoings to you - he’d still be saving loads.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 10/05/2022 12:55

Don't move in with him.

Testina · 10/05/2022 12:55

He’s taking the piss.

Romantic too 🙄

IncompleteSenten · 10/05/2022 12:58

Fuck that!

He should at least split the benefit so give you half of what he would save and keep the other half.

Think carefully about whether he's someone you want to build a life with.

Nobody should feel they have no obligation to contribute to the roof over their head.

fallfallfall · 10/05/2022 12:59

Minimum half the local rent, half all utilities, half food. Formal legal paperwork.

Gizlotsmum · 10/05/2022 13:01

I wouldn’t rush to move in with him, protect yourself

Ilovechinese · 10/05/2022 13:01

No way don't let him move in! Let him stay where he is

Imogensmumma · 10/05/2022 13:04

Woah big giant red flags here. Even £200 isn’t enough you are being too nice

why can he suddenly not pay rent if he moves in with you but can pay where he is now? Tread very carefully here

Original poster
Inapickle70 · 10/05/2022 14:12

Thank you for all replies, really appreciate it. We discussed him moving in with me a while ago, when I eventually moved & I said to pay £200 rent plus half bills & he said oh you wouldn't make me pay rent?! I just feel I need to build up my savings & also want to pay for my funeral so its not left to my kids to sort, , maybe put some money away for pension? The house I eventually move to will be left to my children equally. I have 12 years left on my mortgage, so paying it off would be great.

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 10/05/2022 16:51

I'd have replied well, surely you don't want to live off me do you?

Therealjudgejudy · 10/05/2022 16:58

Why would you even consider moving this sponge into your home??

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 10/05/2022 17:08

oh you wouldn't make me pay rent

No, I'd expect you to offer up your fair share and not to take advantage of me.

Rethink him. He sounds like a drain on your finances.

FarmGirl78 · 10/05/2022 17:13

But if he pays anything more than half share of bills surely he'll gain a beneficial interest in the property? I know lodgers don't gain beneficial interest but they don't share your need do they? He's either a partner or a lodger, he can't be both. You might find yourself having to give him a share of the house if you split further down the line and he's been paying you £2,400 a year.

Unfortunately there's a big difference here between what's right morally and whats safest legally. Please check out your legal position.

FarmGirl78 · 10/05/2022 17:14

Lodgerd don't share your bed* I mean

Hont1986 · 10/05/2022 17:16

If I knew my partner owned the place outright, I would not pay rent, or expect any rent from them if reversed. I would certainly expect a contribution towards all the bills.

I'm not talking about if they are paying a mortgage themselves, I'm talking owning outright.