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AIBU?

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Original poster

To pay rent?

66 replies

Inapickle70 · 10/05/2022 12:21

Hi hoping for some good advice please. Currently live in a house with a mortgage. Always the aim to downsize when kids moved out. My daughter is moving out in 6 months. If I downsize I can buy a place outright so no mortgage. I have no savings or pension plan. Work full time but never no spare money. My partner is making noises to move in (he rents) but he thinks he can not pay rent. I think he should pay rent £200 a month which I would try to save. I literally have no spare money just need some savings incase car goes wrong etc. Am I being unreasonable, he currently pays £800 in rent. We would go half on bills roughly £300 each, so he would have to pay £500 a month. He currently pays £800 rent plus £500 bills. I just feel have worked so hard to pay mortgage, worked 7 days, 3 jobs at 1 point to let someone live rent free. Thank you

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 10/05/2022 17:18

"My partner is making noises to move in (he rents) but he thinks he can not pay rent."

"I said to pay £200 rent plus half bills & he said oh you wouldn't make me pay rent?!"

Am I the only one wondering how long it would be before he'd be trying to wriggle out of his half of the bills too?

Simple answer @Inapickle70 is to not allow him to move in. At all. Any decent man would be offering you money, not waiting to be asked for it and then pretending that giving you money would be wrong.

faggyhagger · 10/05/2022 17:20

Oh dear.

I'd consider finding a new boyfriend as well as a new house.

Why on earth does he think he can live with you rent free? Enormous red flag.

Hont1986 · 10/05/2022 17:22

But if he pays anything more than half share of bills surely he'll gain a beneficial interest in the property?

No, not at all. I don't know why this is so persistent on MN. It is very rare to be able to claim beneficial interest unless you were actually paying the mortgage directly yourself (not 'transferred £500/m to partner for overall contribution to bills including mortgage'), or paid for some significant increase to the value, e.g. an extension.

Plantstrees · 10/05/2022 17:24

You should check with a lawyer because you don't want him to gain an interest in the property in the long-term as he may then be able to claim on your estate and your DCs may not inherit outright.

JMKid · 10/05/2022 17:27

Do not let him move in without a formal agreement nor without paying rent. I did so with an ex and it caused no end of arguments, even getting money for bills was a nightmare. His argument was why should he help pay off my mortgage!!! Completely ignoring that why should he live rent free in my house, especially when I had paid for it all to be refurbished and just moved in myself. He is a freeloader, don't let him.

heavyistheheed · 10/05/2022 17:31

Do you want to live with him?

If you really, really do then I would take the money to buy a property you can rent out, bringing you in money. Then rent a different property with him for a couple of years, he has to pay his way then and you can see if he's the type of person you want to live with long term without any worries of him getting a claim on your property.

2catsandhappy · 10/05/2022 17:31

He wants to live off your hard work. Tell him to get stuffed. He is a wannabe cock lodger and a user.
It's half rent, half bills, half food and half the chores. Not a penny less.
At least he has shown you what he really is, early on.

Watch out he doesn't move in by stealth. Staying over alot, eating at yours(you cooking and buying) showering at yours, laundry done at yours etc.
Set your boundaries high and hard.

CanofCant · 10/05/2022 17:33

Please don't let him in, you'll never be able to get rid of him and it sounds as though he's the type to bleed you dry.

Eightiesfan · 10/05/2022 17:56

If I have this right, DP is angling to move in with you, and although he is currently paying £800 a month in rent, does not think he can pay you any rent at all. Yeah, that sounds like a great deal.

Personally, I would not make any moves to have him move in, he is a grown man, why does he feel entitled to freeload of you?

FinallyHere · 10/05/2022 18:02

Well, you can see what would be in it for him, it he doesn't have to pay £880/month rent. Suggesting you you let him live there rent free might seems to him as 'worth a try'

It's good that you are having this discussion up front rather than let me move in first and only slowly realise quite how much you are subsiding him.

Hope you find a way forward for yourself to avoid any future cocklodgers. Good luck.

FairyCakeWings · 10/05/2022 18:02

You still have to pay to live in that house so so should he. He’s taking the pass expecting to pay no rent when you have a mortgage.

It would be different if you already owned outright, in which case I’d expect him to pay his way by paying for things that the home needs, but I wouldn’t charge rent.

Threetulips · 10/05/2022 18:05

But rent also covers wear and tear, insurance, boiler breakdowns etc - it shouldn’t just cover ‘mortgage’ payments.

now DH couldn’t have been nicer when he moved in, paid more than half so we saved for a joint holiday.

SarahProblem · 10/05/2022 18:05

If he's moving in charge him appropriately and get a formal agreement.

Massive red flag though ...I'd suggest he doesn't move in

noborisno · 10/05/2022 18:07

Your partner is making noises to move into a rent free place and cocklodge.

An adult would be speaking to his partner about how much rent he should pay her to share her home.

MangoBiscuit · 10/05/2022 18:10

Absolutely not OP, he is being a cheeky fucking git.

My DP has moved in with me, he used to rent. We sat down and worked out what we both found fair so that we both benefit. He gets to increase his savings, as do I. He doesn't get an interest in the house, but also has none of the liabilities. We actually agreed on him paying more than I suggested, and less than he suggested, so both of us feel like we're getting a good "deal".

If he had expected to sponge off me like your DP is suggesting, he would not be living here.

FinallyHere · 10/05/2022 18:10

Even if you didn't have a mortgage I think it is perfectly reasonable to ask for rent and do whatever is necessary these days to have it clear that they are simply a lodger.

What you do with that money would be absolutely up to you.

Whether you are prepared to make changes that arrangement in future, after plenty of time has gone past in which you have seen that having him around is an asset in your life I'd also absolutely up to you.

I would be put off by his starting assumption that he should freeload while you pay a mortgage. Much too much scope for him to continue to freeload at your expense if he starts with that attitude.

This is based on my experience. Then DP could afford a mortgage while I was still a student. I paid the rent I would otherwise have paid but got to live in a much nicer home. Entirely reasonable.

clippety clop · 10/05/2022 18:41

Half of all outgoings if your incomes are equal I'd say.

IRunbecauseILikeCake · 10/05/2022 18:45

He contributes equally to the bills or he doesn't move in. Simple as.

RealBecca · 10/05/2022 18:46

I get where hes coming from in the sense that there is no rent/mortgage so you are in effect profiting from him.

But.

You two haven't built a life together.

You dont have equal share.

Could you look for other options? Would you consider buying a house with him when he has savings to do so? Or renting a home together and you renting yours out and using money from that to pay for it?

PBJTime · 10/05/2022 18:50

The only thing about him paying rent wouldn't be have some sort of hold over your home if he pays towards the mortgage?

I would "legally" say £500 towards bills as you pay the mortgage. That's a good way round that one. Grin

But please don't let him move in at £300 a month - he's having a laugh espically with the costs of everything increasing.

MrsMoastyToasty · 10/05/2022 18:51

You would also need him to pay half the council tax. You wouldn't be eligible for 25% discount for single adult occupancy if he moved in.

Ponderingwindow · 10/05/2022 18:56

You have a child, even if she is an adult, you should not be subsidizing a partners life. If he moves in with you, he shouldn’t realize any more savings than you do by combining households. Remember that even if you don’t have a mortgage you still have maintenance and insurance expenses. Your home will never be free.

resuwen · 10/05/2022 18:57

Very grubby. I'm sorry, he doesn't care about you very much if he's not interested in sharing the benefits with you. I wouldn't move in with him.

FlowerArranger · 10/05/2022 19:09

A few things jump out at me......

He is a cocklodger in the making.
I don't get the feeling that you really want this man to move in with you.
Or that he is your partner in the true sense of the word.
You seem vulnerable and lacking in self-esteem...

If you let him move in, these things will happen:

Your children will be deprived of the money he is scrounging off you.
He may agree to pay £200 a month (which is ridiculously low) and share other costs, but in practice he'll be 'short' more often than not.
You will likely be doing most of the cleaning, laundry, cooking et cetera because he is too busy with...... whatever.

And in 2 years or so you will be back here, asking how you can get rid of him because he is refusing to move out, doesn't have anywhere to go, doesn't have the money for a deposit....... (insert any number of excuses here).

Seriously: don't do it!!

madasawethen · 11/05/2022 03:05

I wouldn't let him move in at all.

He will cost you in time, stress, and money.

Why is he renting instead of bought a home of his own?