To ask how to be a better mum

[strawberrycheesecake1989]

My toddler is 20 months and the past 2 months I’m really struggling to cope. He’s never slept through the night, he always wants boob and something has just changed in me the past couple months where I just don’t have the patience I once had.

i just find my self despairing and I’m turning into a shouty mum.

I’m just always shouting. I’m not shouting at him or in his face or anything. I’m not scaring him. But I’m scaring myself that I’m becoming this mum who just doesn’t have the patience I once did.

everything is a battle, he has tantrum after tantrum. He sees me open the front door because I have a delivery and then close the door HE HAS THE BIGGEST TANTRUM because I wants to go out the front door and I don’t let him. Writhing around on the floor screaming his head off.

he won’t let me out a jumper on him before we leave the house… another tantrum.

he’s rarely ever content to just be sat in the buggy.

i take him to the playground. He wants to leave out the gate and go and play with a parked car, I obviously stop him… massive tantrum!

i feel like I just spend the whole day shouting no and shouting that I can’t cope. every night I tell myself I’m going to be more patient and calm and by the morning time the same just repeats itself.

he’s never slept through, I feel like I’m on a 24 hour shift that never ends.

please can anyone offer me any advice on to how to be patient and not lose my temper and stop being a shouty mum. It’s making me hate myself.

thanks if you made it this far x

You are a great mum. It's tough. Definitely take the advice here and break free a bit. As a mum of kids age 10/12 there are many times when tough love is needed.

When I feel like this and the frustration of my kids behaviour builds up, i just breathe for a minute and ask myself

Is it them or is it me?

Just check in with the situation. Is this triggering you because your needs arent mer? If so, what do you need, how can you resolve it? Do that.
If it's not you and it's him - the same applies. How can you fulfill the need he is highlighting to you with this behaviour? All behaviour is communication. What is he trying to say? Does he want more choice, maybe he wants to choose his jumper instead? Is he able to try putting it on by himself? Can you give him options and choice where possible?

Hope tomorrow is a good day for you OP. This parenting lark is tough

I just want to reassure you that this is totally normal and you are not a bad mum. You are at the tantrum phase which in itself is hard enough but you are also sleep deprived which magnifies it so much. It will get better. It is just another phase of childhood which you have to ride out for the time being. I HATED the tantrum phase so much because it was just not logical. You can't negotiate with a toddler. I always found distraction the best method for this. My youngest is now 7 and although she doesn't tantrum anymore, we still get tears and when the tears come, distraction always works. Don't feel bad about getting shouty when you are frustrated. It is a natural reaction and your kid is also shouting so you are even there! If things get really pent up, walk away. Even if you go into another room and shout into a pillow. Allow yourself that frustration or release that isn't aimed at anybody. Be kind to yourself.

Your DH needs to do more.

Here's a secret for you: it's ok for you to set a boundary for your baby.

You can empathise and treat him with love and be a great parent - without doing everything he'd like you to do. He's allowed to have tantrums, you're allowed to have boundaries.

So he WANTS you, yes, but presumably he has a loving involved dad who is capable of looking after him too? (If not that's a whole other issue)

So let dad do that. 2-3 times a week, while he's not working, for at LEAST half a day at a time. If you work make it at least one weekend day if not both.

It will improve their bond and make it easier for dad to be accepted at night too.

Also what time does DS wake up? Get his dad to get up with him when he wakes and take him downstairs so you can sleep, at least half the time.