Please help remind me that work is just work and it doesn’t need to take over my life. Anxious and being bullied.

[Burnouty]

First of all, im so embarrassed to say that in my late 30’s in a senior management position I am
being bullied by my manager. Im off sick and cannot see any way I can go back. I feel on the verge of a panic attack constantly. I’ve been off 7 weeks now. It’s horrendous and massively impacting my personal life. Advice and positive stories of overcoming this please.

I need to submit a complaint but the process fills me with dread and what do I do in the meantime? Help!

Hello OP, I was in your position a year ago. I felt tied to my job despite being bullied in it and it being a toxic place. One day my DP said to me "just leave, get something else". And I did. And it's made me realise work can't take over your life and that there are jobs which don't involve bullying dickheads.

Can you leave? What kind of role is it? Have you begun looking for something else? Life's too short for this shit.

I need to submit a complaint but the process fills me with dread

do it. you will feel stronger.

I keep waiting for others in positions of support to help me with this but no one seems to know what to do. I need to just take control and get it done. Can I keep working once this is submitted though? Such a horrible situation.

Thank you this is what I need to hear. Life is too short. I really want to leave but need the money.

This happened to me. I quit and have never allowed work to be like that for me since. Work is just work, you will always find another job that is a better fit for you and it is not worth sacrificing every other aspect of your life for it. Life is short.

May I ask what kind of bullying?

of course you can keep working.

Aggression, threatening, micromanagement. The list goes on.

This happened to me and I was off sick for 7 months. 7 weeks is no time to recover. In fact I'm still not the same even now. I returned to work but not for that manager.

File the complaint, get your union involved. You will feel better eventually but it takes time. Do not pressure yourself into feeling better.

Getting another job means you have to feel well enough. Maybe theres a move ar work you could take?

Thank you. I definitely feel pressure to return. I feel so embarrassed and worried about what everyone else will be thinking about me being off. It feels like I should have been able to manage this before it got to this point. Im unsure if being off is making it worse.

This happened to me. File a grievance immediately, however, don't expect HR to do their job, they may not. While filing this grievance, start looking for another job. Don't say anything to anyone, just look and I'm sure you will get interviews, find another job and leave this one. Keep up the grievance on your existing job, you may have a case for constructive dismissal.

Don't crumble. How dare they make your working life shit. If you're in the union then definitely get them involved. Even if you're not in the union there are agencies out there that help. Good luck to you and even if all that fails then you at least know you've made a plan and you're going to follow it through.

No one deserves bullying at work and so many people are putting up with it. Come on! Make a stand. I know you will and will come out the other side with something so much better.

Well I can tell you that there's someone off work at my job, I'm not sure whether there was bullying but his workload was insane. He has a specialised skillset and just got walloped with work. It does not reflect badly on him that he had to take leave! People know what's up, don't worry.

Thank you, that’s reassuring. I hope the team I work with realise in some way. I don’t want to be seen as incapable.

I've had a couple of bad bullying experiences when I was younger, one when I was pregnant. I didn't really know my rights and in both cases resigned.

I would suggest you stay off sick, file a complaint and don't resign what ever you do. I would work on the assumption you won't be going back to work, or only if you have zero dealing with that person in future. I would suggest you need legal advice to explore your options.

You could speak to a local employment solicitor, or ACAS website/phone line is a good first point of call.

Good advice, thank you. I am
concerned staying off will not be in my favour. Am I well enough to work? Yes. Am I well enough to work with the bully? Absolutely not. It feels wrong being off.

Something similar happened to me several years ago and looking back now I wish I'd had the balls to hand my resignation in to save myself the anguish.

It was the most toxic environment I'd ever worked in and was just horrendous.

In the end I just took voluntary redundancy and never looked back.

I know you need the money, don't we all, but if I'd stayed any longer my mental health would've been completely ruined. As it was it took a good year to recover and even now I can't bear to think about my time there.

I always swore I'd never work in the public sector again as their behaviour would never have been tolerated in a private organisation.

I had an awful manager when I went back to my Job after mat leave. I ended up putting a grievance in, was all set to go to the meeting but they suddenly found me a job in another department. This was the best move ever for me. Dont let work take the pi$$. Fight for what you want. Good luck.

I'm another one who left where I was being badly treated. I'd do anything you can to get out of there OP. Write up a good grievance with lots of examples of poor behaviour. Go through the process. Explore alternatives with the company (like redeployment, settlement, redundancy). Take time off if you can't face work and don't feel guilty about it.

I really feel for you. I had similar a few years ago. I now work in management and in my experience a bully normally has a history on record.Start writing down all of what you experienced provide as much detail as possible. This can even be traumatic. Speak to your union. Raise the grievance. Stay off work while you go through this. If you don’t get a suitable outcome then consider resigning and look into constructive dismissal. Your employer has a duty to ensure your safety at work.

Your colleagues will probably admire you for doing this and you are doing them a massive favour for standing up to this bully.

Treat it as a process and try an emotionally detach.

Try and get as much emotional support from people you trust as much as possible. Ask your GP for a refferal to a counselling service.

You don’t have to put up with this

Work to live, don't live to work. No job should be this awful. It's just not worth it. In the mean time, look for something else.

Are you on full pay and if so, how long do you get?

Life is too short to deal with that shit and honestly I would take all the time you need, especially if you’re on full pay. At some point they will have to do some kind of absence/disciplinary meeting to discuss a return and that would be a potential forum to get the ball rolling on your grievance

Horrible situation for you. See union or HR, stay off untill they offer you something to go on. But I would be looking for a new job meanwhile

Thank you all. And 💐to all who have been in these shoes too.

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this - it's incredibly stressful.

My best advice is to use this time to get your ducks in a row to leave.

Once you're out of it, you'll see the wood from the trees, be able to acknowledge just how toxic the environment was and think that leaving was the best thing you've ever done.

Work is literally just work. It doesn't worry or stress about you, so don't give it room in your head outside of it. You will no doubt walk in to another position and you'll never look back.

I really do wish you the courage to make the change you need to make. Good luck!

I've had this twice.
In my last job my boss got me to clean toilets even though I was an operations manager and we had a cleaner. She gave me ruthless and shit appraisals. It was endless. I got headhunted literally on the day I was going to walk out and now earn 10x what I earn t there.

Years ago in another company I just walked out. My boss went on holiday, waved goodbye to me and I didn't go in again.

Stay on sick leave and file that complaint. Do not go back in and do not quit. At least not until you've put in your grievance.