Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Hybrid working

32 replies

user1469095927 · 09/05/2022 13:55

Hello, this may be slightly long so as not to drip feed. Prior to Covid, I worked 4 days a week (Monday off), husband worked 5 days a week. Over Covid lockdown we both worked from home and were lucky enough to continue with hybrid working when restrictions eased. I have worked 3 days in the office and 1 day at home, whilst husband, until recently was able to work 1 day at home and 4 in the office. He now has the opportunity of a new job with more opportunity for working from home which is great as it means we can share school drop off/pick ups, be at home easier if any of the kids are ill etc. It also means a reduction in petrol costs which is great.

Any to my AIBU, when I asked husband what his preferred days for WFH would be, he said he would like to work one of the days at home on the Monday which is my only day off. Our youngest goes to school this year so for the first time in 14 years I would have a day off to myself which I was really looking forward to. I have always been at work or had one, both or all all 3 kids with me and this was the first time I was looking forward to having some time for myself. I am not expecting to do anything radical - probably housework, catching up with friends over coffee, without any children (should add my youngest has always come with me when I have met friends for coffee/lunch and has been well behaved but always restricted on time given their age), make hair appointment without any issues and basically do what I want without having to consider anybody else.

So AIBU to expect husband to NOT WFH on my only day off?

OP posts:

7Worfs · 09/05/2022 13:57

I would probably feel slightly irritated too, but YABU.

nearlyspringyay · 09/05/2022 13:59

So he'll be working, how does that impact on what you want to do?

ComtesseDeSpair · 09/05/2022 13:59

If he’s working then presumably he won’t expect you to consider him. He’ll work, you can go out for coffee or to appointments. Unless you suspect he’s planning to use WFH as an opportunity to skive?

Noodles4Me · 09/05/2022 14:00

Surely if he’s working he’s out of the way anyway? So does it matter? You can still clean, go out etc

RunnerDuck2020 · 09/05/2022 14:00

But he’ll be working so that doesn’t stop you from doing any of those things?

Botoxbotox · 09/05/2022 14:03

I don't really understand why the problem is, will he be chasing you round for sex and wanting you to cook his lunch?

Goldfishmountainclimber · 09/05/2022 14:09

Is it just that you fancied having the house to yourself, op?

Ponderingwindow · 09/05/2022 14:10

He is working. How does it in any way impact what you are doing?

Onthegrid · 09/05/2022 14:14

OP I think I understand your dilemma, and I agree with you that if my DH was needing to work on the Monday (my only day off) then I would want him in the office not under my feet.

We no longer have DC at home and are like the reverse, I can't hybrid work as my division no longer have a building and my DH has many Fridays off (not every week) but plenty, by choice I would be in the office leaving him to do what he pleases on that day. As it is he manages to get frustrated because I am here, have meetings etc and be an annoyance as he decides he needs to talk to me, when I am trying to concentrate.
It got so bad that I have changed my hours so I do a short day on a Friday.

BogRollBOGOF · 09/05/2022 14:14

I found it deeply intrusive having DH WFH (I'm a SAHM). The room he was working in has acoustics that carry the sound around the house. I couldn't vacuum because of his constant calls. I couldn't put my radios on around the house.
It felt like I was constantly accountable and living in his office not my home.

YANBU, there's plenty of other days in the week.

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 09/05/2022 14:14

I meant, does he get a day a week in the house just him? I know you were looking forward to it, but since he is going to be working, he shouldn't have any impact on you at all...in fact doesn't it mean he can help with drop offs and pick ups so you won't necessarily be tied to being back for certain times?

Why can't you make hair apps or go meet friends etc if he's in the house? I don't understand what the problem is....

Lou98 · 09/05/2022 14:15

I agree with the others, I don't see how him wfh would stop you having time to yourself as surely he'll be working anyway?

I thought you were going to say you had a toddler still at home to entertain while he's working and with the noise etc it wouldn't be the best idea but I'm struggling to understand how it would affect you.

I can see he'd maybe want to talk to you during lunch breaks etc but if you already have something planned then just carry on with that

BeBraveAndBeKind · 09/05/2022 14:18

YANBU I work a compressed fortnight with every other Monday off. I really look forward to having the house to myself in tha time. I don't do anything exciting, it's just nice to potter about in peace, knowing that I don't have to accommodate anyone else. I'd be annoyed too.

BarbaraofSeville · 09/05/2022 14:19

It's strange for him to pick his WFH day on your day off.

He'll be working so it's not like you can spend time together and you doing housework etc will disturb him. Surely he'd be more productive when he has the house to himself?

Maybe pick Mondays to vacuum every last corner of the house, then take up a noisy hobby or DIY so he'll quickly swap for Wednesdays instead.

Rupertpenrysmistress · 09/05/2022 14:21

I understand my DH didn't ever go back, he now wfh permanently unless on site. The trouble is our we don't have room for an office so, he works from our room which means I have to vacate it by 8am and can't use it all day or, he works in our dining area which is open plan. He is so loud on the phone I can hear every word when he is upstairs. He has parcels constantly delivered for work which can be huge. I would love to have one of my days off alone.

So long and short of it op I agree with you.

SickAndTiredAgain · 09/05/2022 14:21

Why would you need to consider him? He's wfh that day through choice so I'd go about my day as I normally would (as opposed to him being forced to wfh when he didn't want to, where I'd be quieter), and if it doesn't work for him, he can switch days.

Kiwirose · 09/05/2022 14:27

Tell him that that won't work because you will be running the hoover around and it will interfere with his work so he needs to choose a different day.

AbleCable · 09/05/2022 14:28

Has he a reason for wanting to wfh on Mondays?
For me, I prefer wfh on Mondays as Mondays (and Fridays) are the days with very few people in the office and as the reason for me going in to the office is to see people and have face to face meetings, this makes makes most sense.
You would be unreasonable to want him at the office if Mondays work better for him at home; his being there shouldn’t impact you.

But if you are looking for reasons to ‘encourage’ him in on Mondays, you could point out that he will ‘lose’ more of his work from home days, as most bank holidays are Mondays. And as more people do wfh on Mondays, traffic is often lighter than on say a Thursday.

SheAndHerAreWomen · 09/05/2022 14:30

Yep I'd be annoyed too. Whether he's working for not, he's THERE. Can't beat having the house to yourself, it's bliss.

AntarcticTern · 09/05/2022 14:36

Surely it would be better for him to choose a different day for childcare reasons, as you're around anyway on a Monday. Have you asked him to choose a different day instead?

Not sure about the "wanting some space" thing - can you give more detail about why he would interfere with that? Does he work in the communal area / expect you to bring him cups of tea / do lots of loud zoom calls?

Maybe he thinks the two of you could have coffee or lunch together and that would be a nice thing?

TinyTear · 09/05/2022 14:41

Make sure he knows you won't be cooking for him, waiting on him or being silent for him...
if you happen to be home you will have lunch, great, but otherwise he is working so tough

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 09/05/2022 14:43

TinyTear · 09/05/2022 14:41

Make sure he knows you won't be cooking for him, waiting on him or being silent for him...
if you happen to be home you will have lunch, great, but otherwise he is working so tough

Surely it would be a massive red flag in their marriage anyways if he thought the fact she was home meant she would be cooking for and waiting on him?

NoAprilFool · 09/05/2022 14:47

I understand.
I don’t work on a Friday. Pre Covid I had the house to myself that day.
DH is still WFH 5 days a week (through choice, he could go in) I go into the office 3 days and WFH 1 day, so he has peace for 3 days every week. I hate him being there on a Friday but it’s hard to say why!!
I get you though.

Butteryflakycrust83 · 09/05/2022 15:16

I get it OP, it just make a difference when you have the house to yourself!

I would tell him that Mondays are a GREAT day to work - everything is alot quieter as Monday is the obvious WFH day people pick.

MajorCarolDanvers · 09/05/2022 15:19

Like others have said he will be working so I don't see how this impacts on any of your plans like catching up with friends or getting a hair appointment.

Flip

1 2