Who's right or wrong in this scenario?

[MyGhastIsFlabbered]

My DC were supposed to be with their dad for the weekend but he's tested positive for COVID so obviously they're here. I had booked a double shift at a vaccine clinic today which would have earned me over £100. DH had a running race he signed up for not that long ago (maybe last month).

Anyway, DH refused to cancel his race so that I could work so I had to cancel my shift at the last minute, to loom after DCs (too young to be left unsupervised).

AIBU to think work is more important than a race? Or is it a case of 'my kids, my problem' as DH sees it?

I don't know if he'd have looked after them...he despises my exH and tends to see looking after my DC as doing a favour for exH rather than helping me out.

Anyway, I have accepted IABU...but I'm still allowed to be a grump on here right? We've had a lot of instances of him being selfish recently (but that's a whole other thread) so it's hard for me to figure out when I'm BU

For me the pertinent question is if he had not had a race would he have happily looked after your kids today? This was their father's weekend, he could have gotten child care for them for the time that you are working right? That's his responsibility not yours. I get that he's sick and you try to work together but you could have said I'm working this weekend, stepfather is busy, can you get someone to watch them for the time that I'm working.

Who was looking after his DD today?

if he’d already sorted out childcare for his own DD to allow him to do this race, you can see why he wouldn’t want to cancel.

I think the problem was caused by the children's father not having them in the first place. Is it a problem that he tested positive?

Good point. Why didn’t ex find alternative childcare for them this weekend?

TBH, I'm with DH here. Your kids, your problem. And we'd definitely say that if the people were reversed.

I noticed you also said, "it would have earned ME £100"... Surely "us"? It might be nothing... but I'd be unpicking why I said "me" and not "us".

Youre married and he sees your kids as your problem?

Are you a family or not?

YANBU for all the reasons you’ve given. I’ve never really understood the ‘but they’re not my children’ thing on here - it feels very unfair on the DC who did not ask for their parents to split up and remarry.

Yet you look after his child? Surely you see the inequality here?

I think if you're short of money and the shift would've earned you £100+ quid, he should've dropped out of his fun run.

Yes if you like.

Your kids are very much your problem.

The only way I'd have done it is if you'd agreed to spilt your wages with me.

You are being U. Its a Sunday, he had something special planned and paid for (and those 10ks can cost around £30 to enter), so I don't see why he should be the one that cancels everything.

See, I find the whole 'your kids your problem' distasteful...I view things that we have 3 children between us and are equally responsible for all of them whereas he obviously doesn't. But he's quite happy for me to take in the responsibility for his daughter without doing the same for my DCs. And I guess we need to have a talk about that.

His ex was looking after DSD today. And trying to get my ex to do anything more than the bare minimum is like banging your head against a brick wall.

And I said it would earn ME money because he's forever throwing it in my face that he earns more than me and definitely sees things as HIS money and MY money...there is no OUR money. But again, that's a whole new thread.

I think the fact that your ex cancelled and they are your not his children is I think a distraction from the real issue.

You would not have hesitated to cancel for him but he wont do the same for you.

You need the money - he moans about it and he chose this path.

He didnt have your back again when yu needed him and made his own choice

I don't like the 'not my kids not my problem' either.

It would of been nice of him to help you op, all I can say is don't forget it when your asked to look after DSD

You and your children are a package. He took you all on so it is his duty to support you and help you bring money in. He's behaving like a knobhead IMO

I'm going to start a new thread about what I think is probably behind all of this...watch out for it, it's a doozy

YANBU.

I think he was being unreasonable. The 'not his kids, not his problem' thing applies if he is a boyfriend or a friend. But he is meant to be your and by extension their family. I think if you don't ever want to accept any sort of responsibility at all for children, don't marry someone with young children. And especially don't accept favours off someone if you're not going to repay them.

To be honest he sounds like an arse, having a go about you not earning as much as him but then not helping you out to earn more when he can

Tbh with the context of having 3 kids living with you and him expecting you to care for his kid as one big family he's being a knob.

However, it sounds like this is just one of many problems with this guy

Confused with the comments 'not his kids not his problem!' Surely if you marry someone who has children, unless you're a complete arsehole, they do become your problem! So I'm judging this as if he cared enough about your kids, as if they were his own... I think it depends how big the race was and how long he'd been preparing for it. If it was a big event I would totally understand him not wanting to cancel it, but if it was something he did every other weekend he could have perhaps compromised on this one and let you work! Tricky situation xxx

Were you the poster who started a thread pissed becayse your sister wouldn’t look after your kid whilst you worked and your husband had his race?

Nope not me, I don't have a sister!