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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being told what to spend my money/ points on

48 replies

Arcade · 07/05/2022 23:13

Went to an arcade on a pier one of my favourite childhood memories and couldn’t wait to go. I’ve got adhd and get a little over excited about things like this. I had taken my partner as part of our date so took 40 pounds out to spend. We won quite a lot of tickets enough to get a few decent items with a bit left over. I was excited to work out what I could get. My partner mentioned that he normally gives his tickets to other kids and isn’t bothered about prizes but I have some nieces who would of loved some of the items. There was also a bat and ball set which was perfect for our family holiday. He then said to me to give my tickets to the girl behind us as she was asking her mum for something and didn’t have enough tickets. She was about 2-3 so didn’t understand. I said no to my partner but he kept saying loudly that I didn’t need them and to give them to her. I had actually thought once I had got my 3 items I would have about 200 tickets that I would of given away. He caused such a scene that I got my one item gave the kid the rest and walked away. He then said he had given some of the tickets away already while I was getting more change. He’s adamant he’s done nothing wrong and I should of done the right thing if I really wanted the items we could of got them from the pound shop. I said it was my money and points so up to me to spend how I liked and That he really embarrassed me. He’s half apologised for how he made me feel but thinks I should of done the nice thing.

OP posts:
Finfintytint · 07/05/2022 23:18

Well, he’s right about buying shite from the pound shop if you really wanted those items. I’d have been embarrassed at having such a toddler attitude.

EL8888 · 07/05/2022 23:20

He’s controlling and interfering. Red flag for me

Original poster
Arcade · 07/05/2022 23:21

I don’t think I have a toddler attitude it was my money I wasn’t going to spend 40 quid and then extra money and time sourcing what I wanted from other shops. I don’t think you would like being told how to spend your money

OP posts:
DolphinaPD · 07/05/2022 23:22

What a wanker.

MichelleScarn · 07/05/2022 23:22

We won quite a lot of tickets so did he give his winning tickets away and then want you to give yours away too?

MissStarry · 07/05/2022 23:23

Yanbu!

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 07/05/2022 23:23

I can't get worked up over arcade prizes. Would rather not have the junk cluttering up the place.

LisaSimpson73 · 07/05/2022 23:25

Doesn't matter whether he was "right" about the prizes. The point is that it was your money, your choice and yet he made a huge scene to control you and get you to do things his way.
I've had a partner like that in the past and it's soul destroying so this would be a deal breaker.

SouthOfFrance · 07/05/2022 23:28

YABU for wasting £40 at an arcade in the first place. Just buy the items from a shop and save yourself ££

yourestandingonmyneck · 07/05/2022 23:29

I think you sound complete mismatched.

I think it's kind that he gives them away to kids.

In theory, I see your point. However, in practice, as I am very aware of the value of these tickets and the prizes you can get, I think you were being unreasonable.

You spent £40 for the fun of playing the machines and winning the tickets. Not collecting prizes, because the prizes are SHIT. Like 30,000 tickets for a lollipop etc.

You enjoyed playing the games and winning the tickets, I can't understand why you wouldn't do the kind thing and give the tickets to a kid, and then if you actually wanted some of the tat prizes, just buy from a pound shop or whatever.

Yes, it was your money and they are your tickets, so is it a red flag that he was being controlling? Possibly. It's hard to tell without knowing anything about him. But I know I would find it a massive turn off if somebody was doing this and I would suggest they gave them to a kid as well....as for the two of you getting in a fight about.....I think you just fundamentally sound very different.

TibetanTerrah · 07/05/2022 23:30

Finfintytint · 07/05/2022 23:18

Well, he’s right about buying shite from the pound shop if you really wanted those items. I’d have been embarrassed at having such a toddler attitude.

Ffs she was having fun and he shat on it all for her.

We all know its overpriced "tat" but I too have many wonderful memories of arcades and get excited in a childlike way when I get to go to one OP. Ill go with you next time Wink

some of you are joyless, like the kids who want an ice cream from the ice cream man and you just say we have ice cream at home Hmm

pastypirate · 07/05/2022 23:32

Agree with @TibetanTerrah whether the arcade stuff is junk is irrelevant. As an adult it was your decision to make and it's a simple as that.

Original poster
Arcade · 07/05/2022 23:45

We’ve agreed next time to have my tickets and his kept separate and not put together so we can do what we like with them.

OP posts:
Pickabearanybear · 07/05/2022 23:47

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

MichelleScarn · 07/05/2022 23:48

Do you still want to go go to arcades together?!

Booboobibles · 07/05/2022 23:49

I used to hate those awful prizes. My kids would be so excited about collecting the tickets and then even they’d be disappointed with the tat and they weren’t very old.

He shouldn’t be telling you what to do but he maybe couldn’t understand why you’d want the prizes.

hellrabbitishere · 07/05/2022 23:53

it matters not if the stuff is tat or not , i think a few have missed the point here , the point is hes a controlling tosser telling you what to do with the tickets , and guilt tripping you into it as well . iv got a whole load of lovely plush rabbits on my bed , some are very rare and one of a kind , others are generic from home bargins at easter , im sure some 3 year old toddlers would bloody love them , but i aint giving them away for the life of me . as a poster has already said its a big red flag , hes treating you like the little stupid women he can boss around and tell what to do , id be having a serious think about if i wanted to carry on being with him personally

Mainframetimechange · 07/05/2022 23:58

What a shame OP, your money your choice AND you wanted the items for your nieces! Why was that little girl more important to your partner than your nieces?

Just as you could have bought the items from the poundshop, so could the little girl's parent. Why take such a small child to an arcade and not manage their expectations?!

AdaColeman · 08/05/2022 00:11

If he would be so determined to bully you into doing what he told you, about such a simple pleasure for you, imagine how much more determined and nasty he will be to you when it is something important that he wants you to do.

This man wasn’t being good or kind to you. But he wanted to look good and kind to strangers, like the parents of the small child. That is a very worrying trait for him to have, and you might find he puts other peoples’ needs before your own.

He seems very controlling, so be aware of this. Be careful that he isn’t controlling you in other ways. Look after yourself @Arcade .

Threebutterflies · 08/05/2022 00:18

I’d be fuming if he did that to me ! Embarrassing me and showing me up to give my tickets away .... who does that !

Gymnopedie · 08/05/2022 00:46

Arcade · 07/05/2022 23:45

We’ve agreed next time to have my tickets and his kept separate and not put together so we can do what we like with them.

When you say 'his tickets' were they won with his money or did it come out of your £40? If it's the latter then I suggest you go one step further and tell him to play with his money and he can do what he likes with the tickets.

That's if you want to stay with someone who is showing early signs of being controlling.

bumblefeline · 08/05/2022 00:52

It's something that you enjoy doing and he is undermining that, you deserve better than that. I like stuff like that too OP and I would not give my tickets away.

almondbran · 08/05/2022 00:54

I think I’d be embarrassed if my partner was queuing up to spend kids’ fairground tickets and then arguing about it to be honest

Threetulips · 08/05/2022 00:57

I suggest you go one step further and tell him to play with his money and he can do what he likes with the tickets

Alternatively he can just handover cash to random children.

JustLyra · 08/05/2022 01:03

almondbran · 08/05/2022 00:54

I think I’d be embarrassed if my partner was queuing up to spend kids’ fairground tickets and then arguing about it to be honest

It's considerably more embarassing to cause an argument over your partner's choice to spend their tickets surely?

I mean, if it's such a silly thing why cause a scene like that?