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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being told what to spend my money/ points on

48 replies

Arcade · 07/05/2022 23:13

Went to an arcade on a pier one of my favourite childhood memories and couldn’t wait to go. I’ve got adhd and get a little over excited about things like this. I had taken my partner as part of our date so took 40 pounds out to spend. We won quite a lot of tickets enough to get a few decent items with a bit left over. I was excited to work out what I could get. My partner mentioned that he normally gives his tickets to other kids and isn’t bothered about prizes but I have some nieces who would of loved some of the items. There was also a bat and ball set which was perfect for our family holiday. He then said to me to give my tickets to the girl behind us as she was asking her mum for something and didn’t have enough tickets. She was about 2-3 so didn’t understand. I said no to my partner but he kept saying loudly that I didn’t need them and to give them to her. I had actually thought once I had got my 3 items I would have about 200 tickets that I would of given away. He caused such a scene that I got my one item gave the kid the rest and walked away. He then said he had given some of the tickets away already while I was getting more change. He’s adamant he’s done nothing wrong and I should of done the right thing if I really wanted the items we could of got them from the pound shop. I said it was my money and points so up to me to spend how I liked and That he really embarrassed me. He’s half apologised for how he made me feel but thinks I should of done the nice thing.

OP posts:
ouch321 · 08/05/2022 01:04

It's yours and thus your choice how to spend it. It's irrelevant that he or any of the posters here think it tat.

So many ill mannered posters responding tonight.

Hawkins001 · 08/05/2022 01:05

Arcade · 07/05/2022 23:13

Went to an arcade on a pier one of my favourite childhood memories and couldn’t wait to go. I’ve got adhd and get a little over excited about things like this. I had taken my partner as part of our date so took 40 pounds out to spend. We won quite a lot of tickets enough to get a few decent items with a bit left over. I was excited to work out what I could get. My partner mentioned that he normally gives his tickets to other kids and isn’t bothered about prizes but I have some nieces who would of loved some of the items. There was also a bat and ball set which was perfect for our family holiday. He then said to me to give my tickets to the girl behind us as she was asking her mum for something and didn’t have enough tickets. She was about 2-3 so didn’t understand. I said no to my partner but he kept saying loudly that I didn’t need them and to give them to her. I had actually thought once I had got my 3 items I would have about 200 tickets that I would of given away. He caused such a scene that I got my one item gave the kid the rest and walked away. He then said he had given some of the tickets away already while I was getting more change. He’s adamant he’s done nothing wrong and I should of done the right thing if I really wanted the items we could of got them from the pound shop. I said it was my money and points so up to me to spend how I liked and That he really embarrassed me. He’s half apologised for how he made me feel but thinks I should of done the nice thing.

Yes I can understand that sharing the tickets is a kind gesture, but that's a discussion to be had rather than him just say you should do x

SD1978 · 08/05/2022 01:10

No you were not unreasonable at all and that's utterly shitty, demeaning behaviour from him and I don't think I could continue to be involved with someone like that. Whether it's cheap crap or not- it's up to you how you spend or give your tickets away, not him. Browbeating you into handing them over is really crap behaviour. This is something you enjoy, and wanted to get the prizes your won- having someone else decide what you're doing would be a no from me!!!

Boiledbeetle · 08/05/2022 01:37

"We agreed next time..."

Next time? Bloody next time? Hell no!

Go on your own next time! And get what you want with your tokens!

JustLyra · 08/05/2022 01:54

It doesn't matter if the tickets bought tat or people think it's a kids thing.

The actual issue is a red herring.

That he felt entitled to have a go at you in public and try to browbeat you into to doing something with something you'd paid for in the way he wanted you to is completely unacceptable behaviour.

It's controlling and nasty.

Disneydatknee88 · 08/05/2022 02:07

What?! I'm 33 and I Still love the arcades! Same as you, it is so nostalgic, like being a kid again. My childhood was spent at the beach and arcades. I absolutely love the 2p machines and trading in my tickets for crap at the front desk. Why would you need to give your tickets away to kids that have nothing to do with you? There is nothing wrong with wanting to spend your tickets however you want. He sounds controlling. Don't let him spoil your fun.

UnsuitableHat · 08/05/2022 02:16

Doesn’t matter what the issue was - he had no right to tell you what to do and override you. Is this typical behaviour from him?

BritWifeInUSA · 08/05/2022 04:59

He’s not your partner. That’s not a partnership. You’re on totally different pages.

alltheteeshirts · 08/05/2022 05:07

It sounds like he wanted to be the big man in public. At your expense.

It wasn't even about the two of you doing something nice for strangers and giving away tickets together - it was him, giving away your tickets, and looking like the hero all on his own.

He hasn't even apologised for what he did, only apologised if you feel like you need an apology. That's not bloody how you say sorry!

I'd never go to the arcade with him again, TBH. And because the arcade is one of your happy places, that would lead me to reevaluate things, because you should want to share something that special to you with your partner.

Yes, you were acting like a big kid, getting excited about spending tickets on crap. But that was the whole point. It was supposed to be childish, nostalgic and fun.

The man is a fun sponge. Is he like this in other areas?

romdowa · 08/05/2022 05:17

He sounds like an awful bully and a show off , giving tickets away to the kids to look like a big man. I'm presuming he strong arms you into doing what he wants quite a bit

Philisophigal · 08/05/2022 06:49

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn at the user's request.

lassof · 08/05/2022 06:56

Are you two in a long term relationship? I thought this was a 'first date' type scenario as you sound fundamentally mis-matched and I can't see how you would ever make each other happy, but then I read you have a family holiday coming up?
So, if he's a new date, don't bother with more, your outlook and values are so different and he wants to impose his on you.
If he's your partner, I think you probably have bigger issues going on?

NameGoesHere · 08/05/2022 07:02

for someone who didn't care about tickets, your partner was very controlling over them. Just one of many problems with him I suspect. Time to walk away?

sassyduck · 08/05/2022 07:48

YANBU!! Your tickets to do what you want with.

sueelleker · 08/05/2022 07:59

He can give away anything of his own that he wats to, but has no right to give away anything of yours.

ilovemyboys3 · 08/05/2022 08:02

Whether you are right or wrong about keeping or giving away the tickets, I would have been more annoyed that he embarrassed me and caused a scene

TooGiddy · 08/05/2022 08:09

They were your tickets to do with what you want! Part of the arcade experience is spending your tickets!
Me and dp occasionally go to the arcade. It's very rare but when we do we will see what we want to get with the tickets which is usually crap - but that's the child part in you excited about being able to purchase crap with your tickets! And then we give away the tickets we don't want.
But he was being unreasonable to say to give them all away like that when there were things you wanted!

LIZS · 08/05/2022 08:14

Are you sure you want there to be a next time? Does he bully you in other aspects of your life?

Gizacluethen · 08/05/2022 08:16

I totally get why you wanted to do what you did. It's not about the value of the prizes, it's about winning them and the nostalgia of the excitement you felt when you were a kid trying to earn enough. I remember it and loved it so much. Its like ploughing piles of 2ps into the slots to win a little pack of sweets or something.

What he did was really shitty. If he doesn't understand why you enjoy it he should still understand that you do and value you over some randomer he doesn't even know. Sounds like the type of person who's an arsehole but likes to pretend to be generous so does nice stuff in public or for strangers for the whole "ooooh thank you. You're such a lovely person!" Show.

Sswhinesthebest · 08/05/2022 08:17

Does he expect his own way in the rest of your relationship op?

KylieCharlene · 08/05/2022 08:22

I think it's best to go alone next time OP.

I can't imagine your DP will be rushing to join you anyway. i wouldn't be.

GlowUp2022 · 08/05/2022 08:26

I personally agree with your partner about what would have been best to do, but once you said no once he shouLd have backed off and not tried to force you to make a difference choice.

LookItsMeAgain · 08/05/2022 08:35

Gymnopedie · 08/05/2022 00:46

When you say 'his tickets' were they won with his money or did it come out of your £40? If it's the latter then I suggest you go one step further and tell him to play with his money and he can do what he likes with the tickets.

That's if you want to stay with someone who is showing early signs of being controlling.

Show quote history

This. 👆

His money = his tickets to do with what he wants.
Your money = your tickets to do with what you want.

Very simple.

P.S. I also enjoy going to the arcades and winning. It's a fun way to spend an afternoon. And I'm in my late 40's so I don't think there is any age limit to them.

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