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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To build a house next door to someone I really don't like?

41 replies

whatever1980 · 07/05/2022 17:34

Could this work or would I end up hating where I live?

We bought a site a few years ago and got permission to build a house in the countryside.

Plot is small. Less wide than average and long.

The next plot to us is owned by someone myself and my husband don't like. It's a relation. I really don't like the person due to things they've previously done but my husband less so but still doesn't like them.

I've discussed building a high fence between plots and redesigning house so it's as far as away from next as possible and angled so can't see or hear them but it won't be cancelled out. Plus the person is a relation so they'll have to be some contact.

I don't like where I live now. Would like to build a house and husband won't consider moving somewhere else if we don't build.

Am I mad to even consider building next door to someone who raises (others too) my heckles??

OP posts:

BrightonBunny · 07/05/2022 17:37

Why did you buy a plot of land next to them? Or did they buy after you? If so, why would they do that?

I would have to sell the land and buy another plot. Much less hassle long term.

MatildaTheCat · 07/05/2022 17:37

Depends. If you built and sold would you make a decent profit? If so you could suck it and see.

self builds are a nightmare unless you are experienced, resilient and have plenty of cash. Having a disliked member of family next door might push you over the edge. If you are all of those things it might be worth considering especially if you can mitigate the amount of contact you’d have.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/05/2022 17:38

I think this sounds like a recipe for disaster. One should avoid people they don't like, not build a fucking house next to theirs.

Everydayisabadhairday · 07/05/2022 17:38

Sell the land and buy a different plot?

SirYawnsAlot · 07/05/2022 17:39

Can you sell the land on or build the house and sell it? I think if you live next door to someone who you dislike, it will always eat at you.

BaronessBomburst · 07/05/2022 17:39

Sell the plot with the planning permission and use the proceeds as the deposit to buy somewhere else.
Or build yourself but then sell and buy outright. You'll have all the stress of building though so maybe not such an attractive option.

MadMadMadamMim · 07/05/2022 17:42

I think you would end up hating it. Agree with PP saying it sounds like a recipe for disaster. Neighbours from hell springs to mind.

Oysterbabe · 07/05/2022 17:43

I would build then sell too.

Original poster

whatever1980 · 07/05/2022 17:45

Thanks all. Plots were bought before relationship deteriorated so badly due to their actions. It was also a good investment for kids inheritance even if we don't build. It's not just us who has an issue with them most of family do. Can't sell (even though sensible thing to do and would make a profit) as it's land thats been in husbands family for about 50 years and therefore deemed sacred to him.

I knew the answer before I posted - of course it was madness. I'm just tired of where I live. It's become a really tires and neglected area and I feel ashamed when people come to visit here - people not looking after their houses and litter etc. I want to love but DH says absolutely not as we're building.

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/05/2022 17:51

There's a (I believe) Syrian proverb, "choose the companion before the journey and the neighbour before the house".

DON'T do it.

Original poster

whatever1980 · 07/05/2022 18:03

Thanks @MrsTerryPratchett that makes perfect sense

OP posts:

Fossie · 07/05/2022 18:13

Could someone else in the family buy the plot from you?

Abitofalark · 07/05/2022 18:45

Utter madness. It will make you miserable every day and destroy the whole enjoyment and benefits of having a house built in the first place.

Original poster

whatever1980 · 07/05/2022 20:30

Hi @Fossie there is someone who may be interested in buying our plot but it's really difficult to get planning permission where the plot is so there wouldn't be another which comes up nearby to buy hence my DH wouldn't agree to this.

He's not happy and I understand he really wants to live near his family but finds it difficult to understand why I don't want to live next to someone I don't like (even though he doesn't like him) or he doesn't care I feel this way. He won't talk about it. He gets angry and asks why I agreed to buy the plot in the first place. 1. Relations hadn't deteriorated at that point and 2 also it was a good opportunity. I'm not well off and it was a chance to make a good investment to even leave to my kids even I'm not able to sell during my lifetime. Someone else in the family would've snapped it up if we hadn't.

OP posts:

Original poster

whatever1980 · 07/05/2022 20:31

I know @Abitofalark. I think I was hoping beyond hope that something was maybe salvageable

OP posts:

BaaMoon · 07/05/2022 20:34

Is there a chance the person will die/move to a nursing home soon?

LondonQueen · 07/05/2022 20:40

Sell the land, you will be miserable here.

Original poster

whatever1980 · 07/05/2022 20:44

@BaaMoon no unfortunately.

I think unfortunately we'll end up implementing the permission with minimum works (foundations) so land increases in value and get this confirmed by the local planning authority and the land will be left to my kids.

First world problem I know but I'm sad that my DH now won't move (I moved countries to his home also) and that I'm in an area which is a mess and getting worse and nothing to do. I work hard full time and what's the point. Rant over! Thanks for listening.

OP posts:

BrightonBunny · 08/05/2022 11:47

It sounds as though your husband has all the power in your marriage OP.

Does he not take your feelings into account at all?

godmum56 · 08/05/2022 11:51

Yup, as is often the case on MN, the problem posted is not the problem....you don't have a land problem, you have a husband problem.

CharSiu · 08/05/2022 12:01

It’s land owned for 50 years, DH family sold the family home plus a few acres that had been in the family for well over a hundred years a couple of years ago. Sometimes you have to actually stop being sentimental.

Is your DH an actual builder? Hence his refusal to buy and only self build.

Vikinga · 08/05/2022 12:12

Fight harder op! It's land that's been owned by his family for 50 years? So what! It isn't fit for purpose. Sell it and buy somewhere or build somewhere else.

So you've moved countries and he won't even move house unless it is on his terms?? Bollocks to that!

SewingBees · 08/05/2022 12:33

Self building is stressful enough without having someone next door you know you don't like who could make it even more difficult for you.

olympicsrock · 08/05/2022 12:43

This is a real shame. You are at stalemate. Husbands attachment to this property is preventing you having a lovely family home that would make you happy.

LakieLady · 08/05/2022 14:46

Do they like you? If they don't, they might sell to get away from you and the disruption of building works, in which case it's a win-win.

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