To build a house next door to someone I really don't like?

[whatever1980]

Could this work or would I end up hating where I live?

We bought a site a few years ago and got permission to build a house in the countryside.

Plot is small. Less wide than average and long.

The next plot to us is owned by someone myself and my husband don't like. It's a relation. I really don't like the person due to things they've previously done but my husband less so but still doesn't like them.

I've discussed building a high fence between plots and redesigning house so it's as far as away from next as possible and angled so can't see or hear them but it won't be cancelled out. Plus the person is a relation so they'll have to be some contact.

I don't like where I live now. Would like to build a house and husband won't consider moving somewhere else if we don't build.

Am I mad to even consider building next door to someone who raises (others too) my heckles??

Thanks all

DH not a builder but I live in ni where lots of people self-build especially next door to family if can get planning permission which is hard. DH is very sentimental about the land although it only came his family's way as a bachelor died and left some fields to them. We bought plot for good price.

Don't know what potential neighbours think of us. The bloke doesn't really like anyone in his family so not just us. Building a house is a huge issue for them so they'll definitely build it when they get the money together.

It's DHs dream to build. I can't even mention this issue to him without him flying off the handle. Last year he threw his phone down and stormed out for a few hours. I just don't mention it. I won't sign any forms to build so he knows it won't happen without me.

I did say to him that living next door to this person would seriously affect my mental health and it's not just me who has the issue with this person. He kind of now accepts that after a long time.

We're in stalemate though. I feel cheated. I work hard and I'm a homebody. I want to live somewhere else and it won't happen. We'll soon be too old for a mortgage anyway in a few years as building will be expensive.

Sorry for venting. Just reached my forties and I want change. I feel ashamed where I live.

Ashamed because it's really neglected. Fences down, grass overgrown everywhere, litter, dog muck, a couple of abandoned cars parked on street.

Yes. Unless you're currently in desperate circumstances or could make a clear profit if you choose to sell it once it's built.

You should try to resolve the issue with the relative. Confront him calmly, tell him how you feel about his previous actions. That way, the issue will resolve itself OR escalate to the point where even your husband won't want to live next to him and might be more amenable to sell.

I’d build the house . You won’t see them that often. Designing your own property in the countryside is one of life’s joys. Don’t give it up for some arsehole!

Definitely has disaster written all over it.

Could you build the house then rent it out?

Woah! You can't discuss stuff without him throwing his phone and storming off? So if things don't go his way, instead of discussing it and listening to you, he behaves like that?? That is not acceptable op.

You don't like the guy

What does that mean and why does that matter ?

You don't imply that he would make your life hell with noise and scratching your car

You might buy another plot and get that instead of someone you don't like

Building a house is a huge issue for them so they'll definitely build it when they get the money together.

have I understood this correctly? You have an un-built on plot next to an un-built on plot of someone you don't like.

how likely is it that they will be able to get the money together?
why do you have to have anything to do with your neighbours?

Build a house , sell it and buy another house with proceeds !

Hi @mudgetastic he's a family member. If i built the house it may have no impact on my life I may never see them. However the plots are quite narrow so in all likelihood will see and hear them in garden. I could discuss issue with architect to see if house could be repositioned so further away.

It's the risk. It may have no impact or it may have a huge impact. If it does have a huge impact I'm stuck. DH wouldn't sell. Not an option now or once built. I don't trust my husband either not to not build a large fence between the plots.

He doesn't like the guy but he doesn't want to upset his parents and he would therefore invite this person to dinner or visit or go round for bbqs just for parents sake.

I don't trust my dh not to do this or even build a gate between the houses.

I think I've answered my question- thanks all. 1. I don't trust my DH to listen to me on this and 2. I don't want to live next door to this person (and others wouldn't want to either)

Your husband is a bad tempered bully who wants it all his own way. Stand up to him or leave.

Leave your husband, take your share of the assets and life a life you have some control of and where you can make choices that make you happy.

He sounds like an absolute bully.

"Can't sell (even though sensible thing to do and would make a profit) as it's land thats been in husbands family for about 50 years and therefore deemed sacred to him"

Tell your husband to get over it. If you're not going to build then it's useless anyway. Or is the relation likely to die soon?

If you don't trust you DH to listen to you then it sounds like you have bigger issues.