To think Amber Heard becoming a scapegoat for female violence proves that it isn’t really a societal issue?

[spicyicechilli]

MRA’s and men in general are obsessed with her. How exciting, to have a woman in the public figure as the bad guy. They are having an absolute field day. I’ve literally not seen one man take the opportunity share support and resources for male domestic violence victims. It’s all just “Amber Heard is a horrible fucking witch.”, bla bla bla. Men generally (yes I know there are exceptions and charities) don’t really care about male DV victims, male sexual assault victims or male mental health. In the case of male domestic violence, it’s a case of “Women do it too, this is feminism’s fault!”. Male sexual assault “Women rape too!” (Even though the vast majority of male sexual assault victims are assaulted by other males), male mental health where they state how damaging it is to be told to “man up”, but is it women telling them this? No. Men bottle up their mental health generally because they don’t want their mates to laugh at them, they don’t want to be seen as unmanly. I’ve seen it time again with male family members and exes.

Men just are not systematically victimised by women like how women are by men. MRA’s will break their back trying to show you that they are but they aren’t. They just aren’t. There are lone cases but it’s not a systematic thing. Me and all of my friends have experienced some kind of abuse at the hands of a man before, whether it be in relationships or on nights out. I just don’t think men have that same universal experience.

I was speaking to my partner about it and I said to him “The fact that people have become obsessed with Amber Heard says it all, she is a novelty. I could literally name you dozens of women I know personally who have experienced abuse at male hands, I don’t need a celebrity scapegoat to use as an example to prove that male violence exists.” As it stands now, when people think of female violence, they think of Amber Heard. When I think of male violence, I don’t just think of one man, and I certainly don’t think of a celebrity. Because I’ve experienced it so many times and know so many women who’ve also experienced it, male violence doesn’t just have one ‘face’ to me.

MRA’s have become obsessed with Amber Heard because they need a highly publicised celebrity scapegoat, because the statistics are just not on their side and don’t support their agenda.

I totally agree, men committing 98% of all sexual crimes (UK ONS statistic) as well so I think that says it all.

The 2020 case the judgement handed down stated that he had abused her.

I think it's fair to say that she has outright lied and massively embellished many details in her story.

I think she has set genuine survivors of domestic abuse and sexual violence back.

I am very rarely one to judge but she appears to have serious psychological issues.

You're absolutely right.

She is excellent fodder for the MRAs, they can legitimise their misogyny by using her as an example.

I agree. Her acting performances throughout her testimony has worked against her. She has done this to herself. The clip of her acting scared when he walked towards her was just laughable and such an act. She has been proven to be a liar and abuser and that is what is working against her.

I'm livid with her TBH. She has caused so much damage to people who genuinely experience DV. She's a disgrace and had the audacity to pretend pen an article as a poster girl for IPV.

Whilst I agree with the majority of the OPs thoughts, it must be said that there are HUGE numbers of women who psychologically abuse male partners. But as it isn't a physical attack and there are no physical marks it gets dismissed. I think that more women do coercive control than we would care to admit. For example, threatening to harm themselves if the partner leaves or to take legal action to stop the man seeing the kids. Or saying "if you don't to X then I will accuse you of Y and your reputation will be ruined". These things happen ALOT, I speak to men most days who report some type of behaviour or another similar to this.

I find that abuse gets broken down into two broad categories:

1. Physical and sexual - violence, punching, slapping, sexual assault
2. Control and degrading - degrading, threatening to accuse/harm-self, verbal abuse, gaslighting, playing the victim etc.

Men are MUCH more prone to #1 whilst I find that women veer more toward #2 though this is rarely reported because men simply don't want to be seen as victims.

That said, I think regardless of gender, abuse is a HUGE problem in society and one that can ONLY be addressed with systemic reform. We need places for abusers to get help to stop, survivors to get help and a lot more support rather than blaming. One local service near us opened a perpetrators group/support service and it was PACKED with people who wanted to change their ways. It only opened in 2021 - staggering given the amount of violence in society.

Can I just ask what a MRA is?

Men's Rights Activist

I agree OP.

Seems that Johnny Depps texts to Paul bettany about drowning her and fucking her burnt corpse, seems to have conveniently passed everyone by.

His words haven't escaped my notice but her actions are appalling

No matter what he said to her on his texts to her face to the wind nothing justifys physical assault

From what I've seen it's been mostly women who've attacked Amber Heard. Actually, thinking about it, it's been rare that I've seen any woman at all take the side of Heard against Depp.

Don't you think your analytical powers would be better focused on women, regarding this issue?

Thank you!

Personally, I am appalled that people seemed to have made up their minds that Amber Heard was the villain before she had even taken the stand. People just seem not to be able to believe that the "Lovely" Johnny could possibly have done anything wrong.

I'll give a one off example that has stuck in my mind

I havent been on this forum long and there was a thread about a husband who didnt want to have a vasectomy and the OP was worried about pregnancy but didnt want to take contraception orally due to her worries about the side effects, all perfectly reasonable

The second response in was 'I'd take a hammer to his balls'

That was left there the entire thread and not one poster apart from me took issue with it.

Lots of men and women say awful things about other men and women.

What you do is the issue.

Totally agree OP

... And a MRA can, of course, be a female as well as a male. As indeed are most of the MRAs supporting Depp in this case. (None of the men I know seem to be remotely interested in it, for some reason. My sense is that they just find it dismal and depressing, and want to avoid it. Pfft, whatever.)

His words haven't escaped my attention but I did get the Monty Python reference. It was a private conversation and he has a dark sense of humour.

I have seen no tangible evidence that he struck her. She destroyed his reputation needlessly. She has lied under oath. She "stole" her assistants rape story. She has lied about donating her divorce settlement to charity. She has the audacity to talk about his children as though she was a loving step mother. She is highly manipulative, volatile and emotionally disturbed.

She has set real victims back a long way.

I agree and the one woman I know who despises Amber Heard and plasters "justice for Johnny" all over facebook, I know is being regularly hit by her boyfriend. Its really hard to understand this in my mind.

ParisNoir

Could it be that she doesn't see the abusive actions of her boyfriend reflected in JD but in the actions of AH.

I'm not saying that because he has sent vile texts he would also be physically abusive, or that gives her the right to physically attack him.

My point is, it seems to be Saint Johnny vs Devil Amber.

When he was in the dock, he was laughing and joking at his the recording of telling the cleaner not to come in cos there was sperm all over the pillow her de ha haha and such like.

He's had the judge and jury laughing along about his drug abuse and violent language.

His hands aren't clean in this by any means.

They've both come out of this tarnished, but the level of ridicule towards Amber Heard will stop women coming forward about their own abuse.

First, I do think Johnny was emotionally abusive. The recordings and testimonies show him to be a drunk and an addict who behaves badly.

But:

The recent US case recently exposed the fact that Amber lied in the UK trial. She claimed she donated money from her divorce settlement to charity, but it turns out this was a lie, as evidenced by representatives from the organisation itself. And it emerged that a small part of what Amber claimed to have donated DID end up being given in her name…by Elon Musk. She’s a proven liar, and she has done it on a grander scale than most people would feel comfortable doing.

Another lie. What about Kate James? What Kate James testified Amber did to her was disgusting. James said that Amber “stole“ the Tory of her own sexual assault, which James had confided in Amber. Amber then passed off the story as her own, retelling it so that she was the one who was raped. This testimony came out in the London trial, and while it doesn’t prove Amber herself wasn’t abused at another point, it is horrific behaviour on Amber’s part. AMBER has victimised this rape victim again with her lies. Imagine how it must feel to watch the world sympathise with a famous person who has reappropriated your trauma as her own: www.theguardian.com/film/2020/jul/15/amber-heard-antagoniser-rows-with-johnny-depp-court-told (I notice that in Amber’s most recent testimony, she told the court she had fired Kate James because Kate drank on the job. Ha.)

Amber has a domestic violence incident (SHE was the perpetrator) in her own past relationship. Her girlfriend at the time chose not to press charges. Johnny has no history of domestic violence with past partners, who have spoken up in support of him.

These are only a few things that gives me pause about Amber.

My gut feeling is that she is a liar, and a severely disturbed person. And my heart breaks for “little people” like Kate James, whose sexual abuse Amber sought to use for her own gain. We need to make sure that women like Kate, who are not big-name stars, also get a voice. Amber shamelessly eroded that cause.

I agree. AH has brought this upon herself. She wrote an article about being a sufferer of DV whilst leaving out the crucial part, that she herself is an abuser. That is the reason she is getting backlash now.

First, I do think Johnny was emotionally abusive. The recordings and testimonies show him to be a drunk and an addict who behaves badly.

I agree. But that's not what she's accusing him of. She's accusing him of repeated physical and sexual violence. Of which there is not only no corroborating evidence of, the actual evidence disproves it.

I remember in the UK trial, JD's team produced evidence from each event that showed there were no visible injuries consistent with the level of violence she said she had suffered. Then she started claiming she'd got her dates wrong.

What frustrates me is conjecture v’s facts - and the appalling social media commentary where it’s gentle Johnny v’s lying, manipulative Amber.

The UK trial - he admitted to head butting Heard. They trial concluded that her account of events was likely to have happened.

That is fact. Everything from the USA trial is currently conjecture. Exaggeration/lying/their performance in court is opinion. I’d say it’s likely that there is embellishment on the truth on both sides.

So WHY THE HELL is Heard getting a far tougher ride on social media??? THAT in itself is misogyny. The way someone can potentially have scrawled writing round a room in blood overlooked, someone saying @@@@ a dead corpse = just banter V’s look at her face, there are no tears, she’s lying, she’s crazy. Just awful. It’s the social media commentary that may prevent DV’s coming forward.

@BonnesVacances

When you say ‘accusing’ - isn’t she actually defending herself against a deformation lawsuit brought against her by Depp? I don’t think she’s instigating this.

She wrote an opinion piece in the Washington Post, which I’ve read, and I think she should have been allowed to express that opinion - and not be censored by a deformation suit.

True. But part of the case is that she shared the online article with a headline referring to sexual violence. And if this is wrong and she wasn't subjected to sexual violence by JD, she could be deemed to have defamed him by sharing the article. Especially as she said when sharing it "Look what I wrote".