To be fucking terrified?

[lostandalonewithbaby]

I have NC because I don't want this associated with my other posts.

I have just been discharged from the perinatal mental health team as my baby turned 1 this month but I can't go it alone. I just can't. I'm so scared. I am not coping at all. I'm panicky, anxious and depressed. I feel like such a fucking failure and that I'm letting my baby down no matter what I do.

Where can I turn? I can't do it on my own.

Just think about the next minute.

Do you have family or friends that can be with you?

Get in touch with your local health visiting team, you may not have been allocated a HV but if you are now not universal because of your MH they can reassess and allocate you one who can help and support you, PND can start anytime up to two years after a baby is born so the help should be there for you.

good luck

Speak to your GP. You need to make an emergency appointment on Monday. Do you think you can manage the weekend? Do you have any real life support?

Did the perinatal team not help you create a bank of strategies and sign post you to further help?

Do you have a health visitor? I had awful PND after I had DS1 and my HV was a godsend. She'd come round weekly to see how I was doing and chat with me.

I haven't seen or heard from a HV since August last year

Family are not nearby, no friends really. Not ones I could tell all this to. Partner is due home from work soon but I'm fed up of burdening him.

It breaks my heart to say this but if I could give my baby a different mum I would. She deserves better.

I already think you're a bloody hero - you had a pregnancy, you had your baby and you got that baby to be 1 year old! You are amazing.

Breathe, keep breathing. One foot in front of the other. One minute, one hour, one day at a time.
One day soon, you will turn around and think 'I got this' as your gorgeous small human, beams up at you, just becuase they love you.
You are absolutely enough for your baby and you will get there, I promise.

It doesn’t matter that you have not heard from your HV as I said if you are universal and they had no concerns at the time it’s normal that you won’t hear from them. They are there though and you can call and get the support! Please call them

get back in contact with the perinatal team. They have permission to stay involved until baby is 2 in some circumstances. If they can’t they will be able to refer you on for further support.

Did they give you details for crisis team/what to do if escalation when they discharged you? Are they transferring your care to adukt MH services or do they believe you're 'better'?

I hear you, I've been there and would say that a parent who is completely ambivalent towards their child is far more damaging than one suffering from anxiety/depression. You are the best mum for your child.

Please do tell someone how you are feeling though, you are not a burden you are I'll

First of all take some slow deep breaths. Keep breathing. Notice ten colours you can see around you. Bring yourself into the here and now.

Then think - have you eaten? Have you been drinking (not alcohol)? Are you dehydrated? First make sure you have your physical needs met - first steps in self care and good mental health. Drinking something non alcoholic and having something to eat might help your system to calm down if you’ve been neglecting yourself a bit.

Right here, right now, is there an emergency? if you feel you or your baby are at immediate risk then call 999. Or if you can hold out a short while phone the MH unit you were discharged from. I’m not suggesting you need to do either of these - just if you feel an immediate or urgent risk.

if you can hang in there a bit longer - what skills did the MH unit teach you for managing anxiety? Any distress tolerance skills you can try?

You can do this. You can’t stop feelings of anxiety or panic showing up (it’s your threat system in action) but you can try and activate your soothe system. Be kind to yourself. You are not failing - you are doing your best.

Hang in there. Is there a family member or friend you trust to come and be with you for a bit?

Are you in touch with any other mental health services?

Hi OP.

I totally empathise - I had chronic mental health problems when my son was young (particularly from 18 months - 3 years) and I constantly felt I couldn't do it alone. The majority of the time I had to, but it was a case of getting through each hour at a time until the end of the day when my ex DP came home from work. I too burdened him with things but he wasn't very supportive which made my mental health worse.

Do you have a diagnosis of anything MH wise? Have the perinatal team discharged you to general community team? I'm not sure on how long the perinatal team handle cases, as I was discharged after 3 months, but if that threshold has been met I would definitely be chasing the community mental health team for ongoing support, as well as speaking to your health visitor.

Now your baby is 1, is there any provision for getting them into childcare for a couple of days a week? It might give you a bit of a break which will allow you to discharge and wind the anxiety down - also, socialisation for young children is really good and if you are at a point where you feel unable to go to things like baby groups, will definitely make a difference.

If it's not too painful, what is it that you feel you can't do or handle? Is there anything we can help with to guide you or help you reframe your thought process to show you're doing a really good job? Put it this way, you've grown, birthed and brought up a 1 year old - you are definitely doing something right. I totally understand that really chronic sense of failure as a parent, but the likelihood is that you are wonderful, just struggling with intrusive thoughts.

My DS is now 5 and I left my ex DP last year - when my son was around 2, I was so mentally low that I thought I would never, ever be able to parent him on my own. But I am a single parent to a school aged child - I do have help from my family, but on the most part I do it alone. I still get scared of certain things and feel I can't cope, but I know it's my mental health playing tricks on me, like it's doing to you too.

Wishing you the very best

Your partner will be back soon that’s good.

You are the best person for your baby. You are going through a hard time and there are likely to be good reasons for that. Keep breathing. Keep drinking water. Keep talking. One step at a time. Good luck 💐☕️

By the way - of course your feeling terrified. Who wouldn’t be? being discharged from hospital with a baby in any circumstance is pretty scary. You have a LOT more going on. In time it will start to feel less terrifying. It might still be hard but that terrified feeling should fade. Hang in there and look after yourself the best you can.

Thank you everyone, you're all wonderful. My partner is home and he has helped me, he just listened while I cried it all out. He has taken over with DD to give me a break.

I wasn't discharged from a hospital, they are a community team and they were helping me with therapy appointments etc. I've been seeing them for a year and now I'm just solo, and terrified. They helped me so much. I don't know where I will turn now. They haven't referred me on as far as I know, just told me to get in touch with my GP.

I want so badly to be a good mum. 😢

The fact you are taking and asking for help shows your a very good mum. I Ann really sad how they've just left you though, please do get in touch with your GP Monday and say you still need support. There will be some for you.

Really glad you spoke to your partner though, hope you manage to have a restful weekend together

Do you have access to a sure start op? They have been wonderful to me and many ladies I know for a whole range of needs and support

Your baby doesn't need anything from you other than you to be there op. As long as your baby is fed and looked after and is kept safe that's all they need. They don't have any expectations from you. They won't remember any of this. This feeling won't last forever. You aren't alone in feeling like this many of us felt overwhelmed by motherhood. As others have said please reach out to everyone that you can for help and take one day at a time.

Hi OP, the fact that you so much want to be a good mum, suggests to me that you will be, and probably already are. The fact that you care enough to engage with perinatal MH team, for a year, suggests that too. Please do ring the Health Visitor. She can signpost you to other sources of support.

This was me 16 months ago. I was suicidal. I rang my mum on the phone and just spoke honestly.

I kept repeating to myself that it was my hormones playing tricks on me, that there was nothing wrong with ME. My baby is my most precious gift and the sadness is forgotten now.
Trick your brain and your hormones by activating your senses.
Play music, smell and stroke your baby, eat something nice. Ignore the mess. Tidy one thing if you must.
Poo, sick and wee will all cross your path. Be ready. Your baby adores you

How are you doing op?

I'm sure your child won't think anything other than you are a brilliant mum so don't worry about that. Concentrate on yourself and follow the advice on here. One day at a time. I'm 12 years on from feeling similar and my children are thriving. And so am I. Good luck.