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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stop breastfeeding?

40 replies

Yahyahs22 · 06/05/2022 11:43

I have a 3 week old who is attached to me feeding 24/7. He cannot go 10 minutes without screaming for food. His naps are so short because he wakes up rooting. Its effecting my relationship, I can't spend any time with DS1, I'm getting no sleep and I can barely get dressed without him crying. I don't know if it's because I'm not creating enough milk for him or something else but my first child was not like this, cluster feeding lasted a couple of days at most, not weeks!
Is stopping and going to formula the way here? Has anyone else had a similar experience and glad they persevered?? Any advice would be helpful, HV just says, 'hang in there it gets easier' but it's only getting harder.

OP posts:
Derbee · 06/05/2022 11:46

Can you afford a lactation consultant to check him for tongue tie and ensure he’s feeding effectively? I’ve just had my first baby, so nothing to compare it to, but I’ve been completely shell shocked by how intense breastfeeding is in the first few weeks. Everything says within 6-10 weeks it will all have settled down. The benefits are so great, that I think it’s worth persevering (for me, at least). I’m sure things will get easier. As long as you’re feeding on demand, you will be making enough milk.

veronicagoldberg · 06/05/2022 11:48

I felt just like this, but I stuck with it - glad I did! So convenient, and DD has had very few illnesses, which I put down to BFing. It's worth sticking it out.

ThatsNotMyMuffin · 06/05/2022 11:48

Second a lactation consultant and /or a breastfeeding clinic. There might be underlying issues. However some babies are just a bit more velcro than others. Have you got a sling? I found a sling and a dummy in those early days really helpful to help spend time with my older DC. Good luck!

Original poster
Yahyahs22 · 06/05/2022 11:50

I can't unfortunately but I can ask them to check at my next HV appointment? That is something that's crossed my mind tbh.
You are right and it's the reason I haven't stopped, I always said if I can breastfeed I will, it's just so much harder this time round. Intense is a good way to put it.
Yes I'm feeding on demand unless partner has him while I shower etc. He also has plenty of wet nappies and poops at least 3-5 times a day.

OP posts:
InDubiousBattle · 06/05/2022 11:51

Have you tried a dummy?

MassiveSalad22 · 06/05/2022 11:53

YANBU. You can stop for any reason :) your baby will still thrive.

My 5 week old needed top ups and I didn’t want to pump - traumatised from previously and didn’t want to sit incapacitated away from my 2 older children all day - so did formula top ups and basically accepted it was the kiss of death for BF. We are all happy and content and calm and sleeping well now on formula :) and my 2 older kids are getting lots of attention too.

If you feel like you need someone to tell you you can stop, this is it.

Original poster
Yahyahs22 · 06/05/2022 11:53

He hates the sling, wakes up and just roots and roots. Perhaps he smells my milk?
Dummy allowed me to hoover for 5 minutes until he wouldn't take it anymore and only breat would work.

OP posts:
Brainfogmcfogface · 06/05/2022 11:54

It sounds like classic cluster feeding, my youngest was on and off constantly and my oldest once did a six hour feed, my supply was worse with the first though so we basically spent months feeding non stop as I had been told to top up, but then went exclusive.
It really is exhausting but it does get better, I can’t remember when they stopped for oldest but my now 3 year old had settled into more of a routine by 3 months.. and still going.

Thursday37 · 06/05/2022 11:54

I would keep going to 6 weeks, then reassess. It really is likely to be much better then, those first few weeks are the hardest so I’d dig deep and continue. It feels like an eternity but baby is really just working on your supply so the more you feed the better it is. Adding formula is going backwards.

underneaththeash · 06/05/2022 11:55

Just give him some formula. You don’t need to exclusively breastfeed.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 06/05/2022 11:56

My first child was like this to a tee- no one believed me until they came round and saw she was on me all the time- my second could go hours without a feed.
I wouldn’t worry about your eldest- it’s a relatively small time they don’t have a lot of your attention.

of course nothing wrong with stopping either

Original poster
Yahyahs22 · 06/05/2022 11:57

Thank you everyone for your replies, they really are so helpful.

@onlyfoolsnmothers was anything wrong like tongue tie? And when did they stop?
Is so overwhelming!

OP posts:
PlanBea · 06/05/2022 11:58

Of course you can stop at any time for any reason. Does your local hospital have an infant feeding team? The infant feeding team can check for tongue tie (and they sorted my little one's tie) and give help if there's issues, they saved my breastfeeding!

tothemoonandbackbuses · 06/05/2022 12:01

I would persist with the dummy and try and keep going a bit longer. Only because the risk is they’ll be just as bad on a bottle and it’s more work.
is there anyone who can push the baby out for half an hour a couple of time a day to give you a break?

GirlSYML · 06/05/2022 12:02

A friend was similar to you and persevered. She said it’s fine now 6 months in but looking back she doesn’t know why she put herself through it really. Don’t keep doing it out of misguided belief it’s better for the baby. They will have gotten colostrum by now which is the most important bit. They will be fine on formula and you will be happier.

TheKeatingFive · 06/05/2022 12:05

It absolutely will get better. For me it was between 6-8 weeks and suddenly it was easy as pie and I was so glad I perservered.

Babyshadows · 06/05/2022 12:06

How does feeding feel for you? Is it comfy? Any pain? Are you nipples lipstick shaped when babe has "finished"? How is baby's weight gain?

That does sound excessive even if deep in cluster feeding and no wonder you're feeling it isn't sustainable!

There's nothing wrong with using formula if you want to but it sounds like your first goal is to breastfeed and that would be your preference if it wasn't so hard right now?

If you are over on Facebook I would really recommend a Facebook group called "breastfeeding yummy mummies". The name is abit odd but the group is so helpful and can assist with helping you troubleshoot what is going on and if there's anything that will help baby feel more satisfied for longer ❤

Original poster
Yahyahs22 · 06/05/2022 12:07

I should add hes gaining weight really well. So it would see as though he's getting enough milk.

The only person close to me who could help works a heck of a lot, they have no free time themselves. My partner, admittedly is lazy and doesn't understand how stressful this is, his response is, 'your a mother its your job'. Our relationship is for a whole different thread...
He goes back to work on Monday anyway, not before his all day fishing trip Sunday though..

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 06/05/2022 12:09

Yahyahs22 · 06/05/2022 11:57

Thank you everyone for your replies, they really are so helpful.

@onlyfoolsnmothers was anything wrong like tongue tie? And when did they stop?
Is so overwhelming!

No defo not tongue tied, actually gained weight in her first weigh in so I know she was feeding. I remember the breastfeeding class I took before I had her said they feed every 3hrs- bullshit!
anyway at 6 wks I combi fed, but I’d say it was a week or so before that it got better- still more than other babies, couldn’t do a baby class without whipping out a boob.

Purplepot290 · 06/05/2022 12:11

My baby dc was a bit like this until I managed to get her to take the dummy! She wouldn’t take a regular dummy but I found some online that are more like a nipple and she now loves that. I’d recommended that! She’s now very chilled and I’m loving breastfeeding. I also use a sling a lot.

Hugasauras · 06/05/2022 12:16

It could also be reflux. Feeding tends to take away the pain so babies with reflux often feed a lot as it's the only time they are comfortable. Does he spit up a lot or seem uncomfortable?

Original poster
Yahyahs22 · 06/05/2022 12:22

@babyshadows no not painful thankfully, and not that I've noticed they seem normal shape to me.
I do really want to stick it out I'm just concerned I can't. With a super unsupportive partner and no help around me with a 2 year old on top of all that, it seems near impossible.
I don't have Facebook unfortunately. I'm going to speak to my HV next appointment though.
Thanks for your reply

OP posts:
Original poster
Yahyahs22 · 06/05/2022 12:24

He doesn't spit up a lot at all and when he does its such a little about.
Sometimes he squirms and cries on the breast though, almost like he's frustrated. I was starting to think it could be because he's not getting a lot of milk.

OP posts:
sjxoxo · 06/05/2022 12:41

How is his weight gain? If that seems ok then I’d choose as you like- to continue or not. If he is slow weight gain I’d add some formula! I combi feed ds Boob and bottle and it’s worked well for him. I’d like to have bf more but he was feeding constantly like this with slow weight gain so I added formula and he has shot up in size! Xo

Original poster
Yahyahs22 · 06/05/2022 12:44

His weight gain is perfect! Piling it on and went from newborn to up to one month and now 0-3 all in under 3 weeks. I've just ordered some new dummies with better reviews so we'll see how that goes!

OP posts: