AIBU to think the teacher shouldn't be saying my son has to start walking to school on his own.

[wildchild554]

My son is 10 with SEN under diagnosis for autism, he has the mental age of a 5-6-year-old, He can't cross roads safely, he knows how but forgets constantly and just walks out I think something to do with his memory issues, I'm not sure though, also he has to be watched constantly as he will walk into lamposts, etc so I have to be ready to stop him, don't always manage to but most the time I do, he is also suspected of having dyspraxia. He is also has little awareness of danger. He has a younger brother who is 9 and autistic and there are times when they are late to school due to meltdowns. I manage best as I can with them and time it best as I can so as not to set my youngest off into a meltdown with the crowds of people, some days can be worse than others due to factors beyond our control like bonfire night or Christmas, changes in routine, he's done pretty well the first week back and weren't late once and this week haven't been late which is good considering we lost my dad the weekend before last so obviously, they were devastated and had a week off to adjust. I think the possibility of being late is why but in my mind it is better to get them both safely to school. We also currently live in a rough area with very busy roads and it's the same pretty much all the way to school, which is a 10-minute walk away. There is also an agreement in place that as long as we are there before 9.30 that's fine and won't go down as a late mark due to my younger son's issues. Usually, if we are late it's 5-10 minutes, very rare it's longer. Although there were times when I got my eldest in but neither teachers or me could get my youngest through the school gates for an hour or 2. Leaving earlier is not an option as my youngest is no good at waiting and his anxiety builds up more and then we struggle to get him into school grounds at all also being around the rush of traffic, kids and parents sets him off and same problems we always aim to get there for 8.55 when there is a lot less about to flare up his anxiety. We had a lot of meetings and tried different things to get to this point which works the best.

Also don’t wait for school. It’s a lot of work but you CAN do the EHCP yourself and it’s really important for getting them support.

I'd be quoting the law to them.

They have to make reasonable adjustments for SEN.

Get a telephone slot with IPSEA. You need outside support as this is discrimination.

Do either of your children have an EHCP?

Don't take this from the school. This is THEIR issue to resolve, not yours. I can't believe you have even been asked to do this! It's shows they have a very poor understanding of autism.

Children with autism often don't have road awareness. My friends son is learning it now, brilliant brain and all set for Oxford later but can't cross the road yet!

Sorry you are going through this.

You don't need a diagnosis for DLA. It goes on the amount of help they need.

Ours was given two years before an autism diagnosis.

I'd apply anyway. If he's on the pathway for diagnosis there will be people who can make a statement for the application.

@DiscoBadgers with my eldest does it matter that we still haven't had his diagnosis yet?

@wonkygorgeous My youngest is waiting for his EHCP was a battle to get them to agree to do it, but as I ended up with constant flair ups with my arthritis just trying to deal with meltdowns getting him to school and they couldn't manage him at all either because things got so bad but they said should finish going through by December. My eldest doesn't have one. Just the SENCO reports. I can't understand why the school haven't even told me he will need an EHCP or a special needs school when they're the ones telling me that's what he will need.I am trying my best to get everything sorted before he goes to high school constantly chasing up for his diagnosis for the pediatrician, still waiting on a callback from neurology pathway when I've left countless messages over the last 2 months and they never pick up when I ring and he needs one more thing before the panel and am expecting he will need ADOS assessment after that same as my youngest. Tbh pediatrician when I spoke to him was shocked it wasn't suggested much earlier by the school that my eldest needed to be referred and they were just saying global development delay. But with his family history and the traits that I didn't originally recognise till I did the courses, he said they should have suggested it as a possibility instead of labeling it global development delay.

No, you can put on there that you are on the diagnostic pathway.

@DiscoBadgers thank you.

At DD's primary they did exactly that for a child with a broken leg. Planned that the child came in 15 minutes late when the rush had died down so that she could get in safely on her crutches.

I'd be asking why the Teacher isn't following the agreed reasonable adjustments.

You are not being unreasonable, you're currently dealing with a difficult set of circumstances and have made every effort to find the least-worst solution. Sometimes there is no perfect solution. The teachers are rightly trying to minimise lateness but don't let them pressure you if your child isn't ready (sounds like he simply isn't safe to walk alone) SEN parents have a different perspective on life- sometimes you have to pick your battles and let the small things go- but the teachers just don't get this! Ask them if they have any other suggestions and they will probably also come to the same conclusions as you!

@Pinklimey

I am in school working 1 hour and 45 min before the kids…. Wish it was 15 min before their arrival

Matchingcollarandcuffs · 05/05/2022 10:16
Can school not open up a bit earlier for them so you beat the rush early? Then teacher or TA find 'jobs' to keep them occupied?

Remarks like this make my blood boil. Would you be willing to lengthen your working day for free? TA’s are only paid for specific hours and if they do come in earlier it’s to prepare for the day not to take charge of children out of school hours. Likewise with teachers. I used to arrive at school at 7.30 to prepare not to give extra childcare.

Please don’t think I don’t feel for the OP who is clearly struggling . I do. Very much so but teachers workload is heavy enough without spending time finding ‘jobs’ out of school hours for pupils who arrive early to school.

….and no the teacher shouldn’t be saying your child should walk to school alone. It’s clearly unsafe.

Of course the teacher is BU. You sound like you have an awful lot to deal with OP

@Princessoftheuniverse

i agree… imagine asking to drop your kids off at nursery 15 min before they open and for free every day…!

@wildchild554 you are caught in the difficult position with needing help but no one wants to help due to funding constraints.

IPSEA have been such a support and help throughout my battles.

I've seen my eldest through mainstream with 1:1 support. He's now successfully at university.
My middle one is has specialist educational support and it's been a slow battle every step of the way.

Early on I was told repeatedly the school couldn't help with applying for an EHCP. It's just not true. I applied myself in the end and the EHCP including assessment went through in 9 weeks!

Try and get a telephone appointment with IPSEA charity . They will gently guide you as to what needs to happen next. You may need to apply to the LA yourself for your elder sons EHCP. It's not hard to do, IPSEA have the template letters on their website.

It's ongoing, relentless. You get wise to it and don't take any nonsense. The secret is learning to be firm, know the law, be 'that' mother, but also to rest when you can and know you are doing the best you can.

The system is a mess and it's not fit for purpose for SEN. It's knowing what the law says and making sure the law is upheld. That's your key.

Both your children need ehcp's esp with your eldest almost being at secondary age, with an ehcp the school would get funding that could go towards support for both your children.

My sons school got his assessment started when he started acting out at 4, well before any diagnosis, he had an ehcp and a1:1 ta though most of primary school, and it was easier to transfer him to secondary with a plan.

It seems a real postcode lottery with sen provision

Dont fret about being late to school, the school is fine, if the teacher comments, refer them to the head/sendco

Push for cafcass and an ehcp for both your children. The LA sendiass team needs to start prepping for your eldest secondary transition and there are different rules for secondary selection that would really help you get the right school. Plus they could help with transport. Ehcp's arent just for kids with behaviour issues,