AIBU to think the teacher shouldn't be saying my son has to start walking to school on his own.

[wildchild554]

My son is 10 with SEN under diagnosis for autism, he has the mental age of a 5-6-year-old, He can't cross roads safely, he knows how but forgets constantly and just walks out I think something to do with his memory issues, I'm not sure though, also he has to be watched constantly as he will walk into lamposts, etc so I have to be ready to stop him, don't always manage to but most the time I do, he is also suspected of having dyspraxia. He is also has little awareness of danger. He has a younger brother who is 9 and autistic and there are times when they are late to school due to meltdowns. I manage best as I can with them and time it best as I can so as not to set my youngest off into a meltdown with the crowds of people, some days can be worse than others due to factors beyond our control like bonfire night or Christmas, changes in routine, he's done pretty well the first week back and weren't late once and this week haven't been late which is good considering we lost my dad the weekend before last so obviously, they were devastated and had a week off to adjust. I think the possibility of being late is why but in my mind it is better to get them both safely to school. We also currently live in a rough area with very busy roads and it's the same pretty much all the way to school, which is a 10-minute walk away. There is also an agreement in place that as long as we are there before 9.30 that's fine and won't go down as a late mark due to my younger son's issues. Usually, if we are late it's 5-10 minutes, very rare it's longer. Although there were times when I got my eldest in but neither teachers or me could get my youngest through the school gates for an hour or 2. Leaving earlier is not an option as my youngest is no good at waiting and his anxiety builds up more and then we struggle to get him into school grounds at all also being around the rush of traffic, kids and parents sets him off and same problems we always aim to get there for 8.55 when there is a lot less about to flare up his anxiety. We had a lot of meetings and tried different things to get to this point which works the best.

There may also be thd issue of insurance?

@SoftSheen this was an option we already looked at during the meetings but they said they couldn't due to safeguarding issues.

I'm guessing if he's 10 he is in year 5 or 6? I would be looking at how he is going to get to high school and starting to develop a road crossing routine with him.
Does your school not do road safety with the kids?
Our OT service does a lot of travel training with adults with intellectual impairments but I also do this as part of school transition work. He might benefit from an assessment to check whether it is just his concentration or whether there are other factors that you can work on to keep him safe.

@Crinkle77 from what I understand they don't have the staff available in the morning it may change in the future once my youngest has his EHCP and they can provide a constant 1 to 1 PA but it takes a long time and looking at the end of this year till it goes through they said around December during the meeting. As long as my youngest is in I can wait outside with my eldest till school opens..

Hope the EHCP happens soon as in my view a reasonable adjustment (to use the term for adults with a disability) is to have them arrive at school early, but recognise this requires support.

Better in my view that accepting lateness.

Reading between the lines your child is often late for school and has had quite a bit of time off. I have autistic kids with very severe needs so I get that mornings are difficult but..
Getting to school late is bad for your eldest. He misses settling in before starting his lesson.
You realistically need to set off earlier. Many people with autistic kids get to school on time. Yes there might be the odd day when things don't go well but my feeling is you have given yourself the narrative that it is OK for your family. You also need to think how this will be handled at secondary school.

@JessicaBrassica He is still under diagnosis for autism and suspected dyspraxia, they may be other issues too I don't know till the diagnosis is finished. They do road safety at school and I teach him too every day but like I say his awareness of danger is not good, I'd say with him even stranger danger after what he did the other week and I had to tell him again why we don't give details of where we live to strangers, he has severe memory issues which we are working on can only process 1 simple instruction at a time, struggles to retain information that's why he's so behind at school. For instance, if I ask him to get the red coat he may come back with a different coloured one or forget and then ask me what he was getting. Keep practicing it but never seems to improve. Plus he's bumping into things regularly unless watched or stopped. I don't think he will be walking to high school on his own and tbh from the meeting we had last they don't think he will be going to mainstream highschool and that he will need to go to a special needs school.

I can see it from both sides. At 10 the vaste majority of children can safely take themselves to school - my kids by that age took the bus (regular service not school bus) and my eldest is autistic. Many parents do "baby" their children in the U.K. for want of a better word, in many countries kids walk to school from 5 or 6. All that said, every child is different, and road safety varies.

Obviously the main issue is that both children are late for school which is not appropriate on a long term basis, they need to come up with a better option for you so that they are on time in all but exceptional circumstances. Kids with autism are generally not learning disabled therefore can learn most things at an age appropriate time, again there are exceptions but it sounds like your dons teachers think he's capable. My dd has dyspraxia as well as autism

@Matchingcollarandcuffs

teacher's shouldn’t be asked to start working earlier than they should and give jobs to kids that need supervising!!!!! Imagine if that was suggested in any other role…

what? Try working in an office. Fifteen minutes early start regularly expected "to show you are ready to start at 9".

@cansu Not regularly late no but we have had periods when it was worse than normal and used to be regularly late trying to keep to normal standards and leaving earlier, we had about a month of me stood outside trying to get my youngest through the gates but couldn't manage it and neither could the teachers, wasn't marked down as an absence or lateness and my eldest was in just my youngest and I stood outside the gates and teacher trying help coax him in etc, I can't pick him up and carry him let alone when he's in a meltdown or drag him in and neither can the teacher, they helped with this twice and decided it was too dangerous, took me ane 3 teachers to get him in this was before our routine we have now was put in and the only time he's had off this school year was 2 bouts of reflux where they gave him something he can't have and had to treat it as a stomach bug and the week they had a week off following the death of their grandad recently who they were very close too. If I set of earlier we will revert back to struggling to get him onto school grounds and will end up with more meltdowns so they will both be later more often this is why they put in the get them in by 9.30 and it will be fine so if there are meltdowns along the way we have a buffer time. When I was leaving earlier and parents were passing me taking their kids to school and then I was still where they saw me still struggling with my youngest they started complaining to school that they need to do something as it's not fair on any of us. Usually, on a good day we are there at 9.55 and have been for the 2 weeks they have been back in. As far as high school goes it has already been suggested by an educational psychologist that my youngest will need to go to an autism school for high school and my eldest I have been informed will not be able to attend a mainstream school for high school. I have also been told that transport will be provided for them then and not to worry. But I still worry just in case daft as it sounds.

Does your eldest have an ehcp? If he is in y5 and has the mental capacity of a 5 year old then he needs one now as he won't manage at a mainstream secondary school.

Also once your youngest has an ehcp you can apply for school transport and a taxi can collect him and drop him at school which may or may not be helpful depending on timings. You are not guaranteed a taxi place but I think that given it is clearly causing an issue you are in a good position.

Fifteen minutes? Excuse me while I hollow laugh! Most primary teachers are in school up to an hour before the children and an hour afterwards. Anyone rushing in with 15 mins to spare each morning would be given the hairy eyeball.

@Geneticsbunny no he doesn't because they said he doesn't need one as he's easier to manage in school, they put him in a lot of different groups and he does some groups with younger classes but they have said he won't be going to mainstream high school.

They already looked into transport for my youngest but they said that he wouldn't qualify but is that cause he doesn't have an EHCP yet and we are still waiting on it?

Ignore what has been said but if the teacher persists ask for it in writing and then go to the head. Don't waste your time on stupidity.

@growinggreyer that's a very good point wasn't sure what the OP meant by that I always ring at 8 when kids are ill to let them know and I used to when my youngest was having major difficulties and that we were likely to be late till they said to not worry about calling and get them in best I can as I was causing myself more stress and they will just assume if we are late that there have been difficulties.

Do they have EHCPs and do you receive DLA?

You need to speak to the SENCO again, with the class teacher present so they are aware of the needs.
Also, you must push for an ECHP for both children. It's no good saying that the older child doesn't have one and won't be going to a mainstream secondary, without an ECHP it's going to be near impossible to get a place. Get the ball rolling now.

@DiscoBadgers I get DLA for my youngest and waiting on his EHCP which was told he should have it in December, my eldest doesn't get DLA or have an EHCP. I haven't applied for DLA for my eldest yet as he doesn't have his diagnosis yet. The school said my eldest doesn't need an EHCP as they are able to meet his needs in the smaller groups. They both have very different needs.

You need to apply for an ehcp now for the older one ( yr 5 I am guessing). If you are thinking of special school he will need one and places start being allocated early in yr 6.

I just want you to feel supported by the school. You are doing the right things and the new teacher needs someone more senior to explain that you are following the school's plan. I expect your children will get a shared minibus taxi. They usually have a driver and a chaperone and it will be the same children and adults each morning so your children will get used to seeing them. The transport staff are usually lovely and it will be a big load off your mind when you don't have this early morning battle.

@wildchild554 he can not get a place at a specialist school without an ehcp. Informal preferences for specialist schools are usually made before the summer holidays. You need to ask the senconto apply for an ehcp now or do it yourself or you may end up with no school place for sept 2023. Also now is the time to look at specialist schools and choose one that you think would suit him. Start with the local autism council run school and go on from there.

Teacher here. I am probably cynical but putting an EHCP together is a lot of work for the school. If you feel your son needs an EHCP then push hard for one.

Ignore and do what works for you. My kids don’t have SEN and my eldest still walked out into the busy road at age 9/10. If I hadn’t been there he probably wouldn’t be here today. I’m the parent, it’s my kids, I will do as I please with my family. Who the hell do they think they are? Nobody tells me if my kids should walk to school!! It’s time we all stood up to this dictator nanny state. You are a good parent and your kids are well looked after. They have no right to interfere in your life and your decisions. Just hard stare them and say “no”.

It doesn’t matter what the school say, if he has SEN, he needs an EHCP as that entitles him to support legally. All the options school say they can’t do right now they would have an obligation to do if they had EHCPs.