Mum doing my 40 year old brother's ironing

[Goldduck]

He got divorced and was living with them for a while and is now in his own home.

However, he is still dropping his laundry there to be washed, dried and ironed.

AIBU to think that this is utterly ridiculous? He works full time but nothing out of the ordinary. I also work full time but would never dream of asking and would say no if she offered.

I just feel like this is sending out the message that domestic chores are a woman's responsibility.

Sending that message to who?

My mum would be thrilled to do my ironing for me because she loves to help 🤷🏻‍♀️. I don’t let her

I'm in my 30's and my mum helps with washing because she likes to help 🤷🏼‍♀️ she also helpa with other bits round the house and childcare. As long as both sides are happy what is the problem?

To him, like your wife did it and now she isn't here so Mummy will do it until you find another female to meet your domestic requirements.

Has anyone said anything to him, or to your mum about it? I don’t think its sending out a message, as such, but it’s unfair on your mum, and cheeky of him to ask her/expect her to do it (or is he paying her?).

I think the issue I have is that she's never offered to to help me and I feel like it's because I'm her daughter so it's within my remit.

Actually I'd ask your mom if you can do the same just to drive home how utterly ridiculous she's being.

My brother is 30 and never left home, doesn't even work, and yes she also does his laundry. Madness. But if they're both happy like this, well, they're not doing anything illegal, just weird and childish.

He 100% won't be paying her. He just asks and expects so much and I just think it's time for him to grow up and have a bit of independence.

My mum still does my older brother's washing and he's close to fifty than forty! She then complained that his new partner refuses to do it for him! Don't think she even considers the thought of him doing his own! When I criticised her for doing it, she reminded me that I used to bring my dirty washing home with my from university. Yes, when I was 18 and had no washing machine!! It's not exactly the same...

That's exactly how I feel, that it is weird and childish. I feel like she just panders to him and this is why he feels so entitled to everything.

My Mum has the same mentality. She won't hear a word against him and babies him. I just feel like it's fostering very archaic expectations within him with regards to women and making him feel like he shouldn't be responsible for himself.

Did she offer to do brothers ironing, or did it when he stayed with them, and just continued after he left. So she didn’t offer as such, more it was expected.

She did it for the period that he stayed there, along with all other domestic duties, and it has continued. He does have to drive from his to drop it off though so I'm assuming they spoke about it. I don't know if she just feels sorry for him so wants to baby him and care for him. Just seems odd that she's never offered to do that for me even when I've had a newborn. It just seems very gendered.

He should be ashamed of himself imo. Surely your Mam would rather be relaxing on her spare time not still doing washing and ironing for a grown man. He's pathetic.

I have two female cousins in their 40s & their mother does their ironing & some cleaning.

Sounds like there’s two separate things at play. I think she can do whatever she likes with her time and isn’t responsible for sending the right feminist messages or whatever, and it’s normal and lovely for family members to help each other - my parents help me with loads including occasional laundry (my dad always does that though!), and I help them with things too. However, I would find the preferential treatment of your brother over you very hurtful in your position.

It is fair enough if she offered and wants to do it and she offered for both children but that isn't the case here. My issue is that she's doing it for him because he's a single man with no woman living in to do it for him whereas I am female so should be doing it for myself and my husband even though we are arguably busier in relation to work and family life.

Not surprised his marriage ended, what a piss taking man child

The thought has crossed my mind!

I agree with you, OP. Your mum needs to burn her bra.

No bras need burning, mothers just need to stop enabling these dick heads

Cos some poor woman ends up married to them

Nothing wrong with that at all helping her newly divorced son .Think its just a hint of jealousy OP!
If it makes her happy let her fill her boots

I bet this is at least partly why his marriage broke down. He’s probably one of those men who expect their wife to work full time and do all the housework and looking after the kids.
Having said that I do occasionally drop a load off for my mum to do as I’ve got three young dc and sometimes it gets on top of me or sometimes the machine breaks (gets a lot of use!). That is more of a one off though and I tell her not to iron it as I wouldn’t myself.

You have no idea why she is doing it. Some people like to feel busy. I prefer ironing as I watch TV as feels more productive.

Perhaps she genuinely doesn't mind and offered as she was in routine of doing it again and had plenty of time.
Perhaps it is an excuse to see him a bit more.

It's a bit of a leap to assume she thinks he is incapable of too important to iron.