Wanting to change my child's surname to my own

[Raindrops2015]

I had a child with a man I wasn't married to. He pushed me into giving the child his name only and said a double barrel name was stupid. We broke up a few weeks after the birth and he wasn't there for the birth or most of the pregnancy. He pays no maintenance and although maintains contact is ZERO help. I do everything and have tried just having my child known as my surname but the likes of the medical profession won't accept this. I'm sick of being called Mrs Ex's surname.

FFW to now. I'm expecting. This child is definitely getting my surname. I really want both my children to have the same name. How do I go about changing this? Has anyone any experience? It is a massive regret.

How is the child? Is he on the birth certificate? Does he have PR?

Sadly you might need his permission if you share parental rights but I'm not sure about that. Don't beat yourself up about it though - you made a decision at an emotional time, he's the one who should feel bad for basically setting you up, not you for giving him a chance.

I think the easiest way is if you can get him to agree. Is it possible now some time has passed he might not care so much?

How old is your child? Have they asked to change?

Tell him to agree or you go to CMS

I think you have to change it by deed poll. And will need his permission. Would you be okay with double-barrel if he won’t allow it?

You can’t change it unless he agrees, I had the same issue and spoke to a solicitor and they told me I wouldn’t get anywhere in court as they believe children should always have a connection to their father even if they are absent 😑

I mean you should probably go to CMS anyway OP. Even if it's the £7 a week minimum

Yes I do. My eldest is my name and my second was double barrelled. Father is involved in his life but as my son is H A-B with the A being mine he can and does prefer to be called H A. So we started at the library and dentist and school - legally he is H A-B but everyone calls him Hector A. Ps for all magazine subs, clubs etc I always sign him up as Hector A

he wants to change it - his dad won’t agree and he will just have to wait until 16/18 and do by deed poll. I’ve told his father he’s doing it so better with his consent and in time for gcse results then after.

@PumpkinsandKittens really? What the hell is that about? Even if you provided proof that you did EVERYTHING, school stuff, medical appointments, 100% of care and finances?

He's on the BC, I will ask him. Try and pitch it that it's better for child to have same name as their sibling. I don't want my child to feel left out in any way when this new one arrives. I get on OK with father (namely cos I'm very easy going) but me being pregnant again and asking for this could be game changers.

My child is getting to a point where she can express what she wants but I don't think she would be anywhere near aware enough about her surname. She wouldn't know it If you asked her it. She has SEN.

I changed by daughters surname by deed poll with no issues in 2012. I wrote a letter with the explanation that bio dad has no contact etc so I could not gain permission, it was causing issues with travelling and I was about have a 2nd child and be married.

There was no issue and got it back and new passport issued within a month.

Doubt this tbh, other places may accept it but the passport office won’t without permission unless he was not on the bc I’ve looked into it a lot!

My ex may as well be dead, there is no contact at all and no maintenance, nothing, I was told not to waste my time in court as it wouldn’t be changed, she is 11 now so I will be changing it as soon as she turns 16!

I was you child in this situation. Married parents, split when I was 2, divorced shortly after and extremely low contact until I was 8 then NC, never paid CM and actively moved house over and over to avoid it (this was 90's/00's). When I was about 7/8 my mum got my dad to give his permission to change my surname alongside her own. Permission was required at the time (approximately 2000), it's crap that a child who wants to change their name can't until 16. I think most understand the consequences of changing their names much sooner.

As an adult who's estranged from my father I'm glad I changed it. I was able to form my identity around a family who was involved in my life, who loved and wanted me. The only time it becomes an issue is applying for official documents and when registering at new doctors/dentists/university/voting that want to know my current and any past names. You just have to provide all the documentation, make sure you keep copies.

Apply through deed poll with covering letter with your reasons. My sister did this with no problems. The only time the deed poll may be rejected is on a passport but my niece and nephew had their names changed 4 years ago and just got new passports this year and was no problems. I would try deed poll

My sister had no problems this year with new names. They were changed by deed poll 4 years ago. Wasn't even questioned

it's crap that a child who wants to change their name can't until 16. I think most understand the consequences of changing their names much sooner. they might be aware of the consequences but they are still discovering who they are as children so it would be so easy for them to change it and then wish they hadn't. I think 16 is a good age personally. The 13 year old in my life keeps wanting to change her first name to something else every few months and she means it very seriously at the time. Then changes her mind.

Ok I can only go on what a solicitor told me and that’s what they said that a court wouldn’t agree to it and that the passport office wouldn’t accept without the fathers permission, changing it by deed poll but not being accepted by the passport office wasn’t what I wanted as that’s just the same as a known as name really which we already do anyway but every so often exes name pops up and I’ve also been called miss exes name

You can apply for a court order to change their name if on the BC. Then if the court order you can change it by deed poll and then that is their official name (the only case you would still see it is if somebody needed to see the BC and then you also take the deed poll)

@CombatBarbie I've nothing to lose by trying it. Passport office were a nightmare when it came to verifying that I had indeed got fathers permission for child's passport. Took 3 months and a phonecall to the witness. Atm we have passports with different surnames.

England?

You cannot change the name of a child unless you have consent of everyone with PR, or a court order.

It doesn't matter how good/bad each parent is, or how present in the DC's life. Bother parents need to consent, or the change will not be legal. The advice given to @PumpkinsandKittens is correct.

Would you have better success getting him to agree if you say you want to add your surname, rather than replace his?

I would definitely suggest that if he doesn’t agree you will go to CMS. If he wants to play the big Dad I Am the least he can do is fulfil his responsibilities.

You will need father’s permission or you can take it to court but wanting them to have same name as you or siblings is not enough justification. So options are either get his permission or take it to court and hope if he really has no interest he wouldn’t turn up and case could proceed in his absence and without his objection in which case court would likely approve. A doubled barrelled is often suggested by court as a compromise when parents can’t agree.

In your situation - do you have contact details?

Erm well my daughter def has a deed poll certificate and a passport in my married name.