Wanting to change my child's surname to my own

[Raindrops2015]

I had a child with a man I wasn't married to. He pushed me into giving the child his name only and said a double barrel name was stupid. We broke up a few weeks after the birth and he wasn't there for the birth or most of the pregnancy. He pays no maintenance and although maintains contact is ZERO help. I do everything and have tried just having my child known as my surname but the likes of the medical profession won't accept this. I'm sick of being called Mrs Ex's surname.

FFW to now. I'm expecting. This child is definitely getting my surname. I really want both my children to have the same name. How do I go about changing this? Has anyone any experience? It is a massive regret.

^^ This.

I work in a school as a data manager. The number of issues that "we" have because families have not disclosed the legal details on application to the school. We've had step parents with "supposed" PR (no proof was requested or provided) then when the parent who does have PR suddenly wants the other parent removed it is very difficult under the various education & PR laws.

Add to that as a school we apply to the govt for learner numbers at about age 14 - these are used for official exam certificates. Age 16 is probably a good compromise - earlier than that No!

PS i will only deal with legal names on behalf of the school - there is then a clear audit trail.

I went to court for a SIO for dd's name change, among other things (abusive ex, who thankfully didn't bother to turn up, judge ruled he was not allowed any contact, so you can imagine the sort of person he is), and my sol warned me that courts rarely grant surname changes, even if the other parent is in prison, etc.

However, I was actually granted the name change (goodness knows what other info cafcass had!), her surname changed to mine, with his as an additional middle name (and who uses them in everyday life, right?).

Court order is the legal way, deed polls etc without the permission of the other parent can't throw up problems as they aren't a court document.

*can, not can't

Good advice thank you. I think I will try deedpoll with a letter. It's not going to hurt. Then I'll have that conversation with him that I'm really looking forward to "hey, I'm having a baby, hey let's change our kids name to mine! “
I don't pursue the CM because he is always crying poverty and we are actually doing alright. I have a nice job and neither of us are struggling (yet) It's something I'll review when I see how inflation is going. For now my electric tariff is fixed til October (I'm so lucky I signed that contract as I'm getting electric at half the rate it is atm)

@Philisophigal what would you consider a legitimate reason?

Threads like this confuse me as I have had several names and just reverted back to the one on my birth certificate as soon as I had a say. Can't you just start using just yours and state previously known as Master Wanker Ex on forms ?

@Raindrops2015 I changed my DD's name when she was 5 or by deed poll in very similar circumstances to yours. Got him to agree (somehow, still can't actually believe he did) by agreeing to double barrell it but I didn't actually hyphenate it on the deed poll form. So two separate surnames, with my one last. We just drop the 'first' surname on everything so she has mine. No problems with school, docs, anything like that... Passport has both names though. Small price to pay and she will be 16 in a couple of years and wants to change it herself then. So the only place her old surname will exist in a couple of years is on the birth certificate.

@SunshineCake some places won't accept you just stating surnames. I myself changed my name by deedpoll to my mother maiden name when I was 18. It was very important to me and when old school friends refer to my previous surname I cringe. I've no ill feelings towards my ex. I just want my family to all have the same name.

@ValBiro thats quite clever actually lol

My kids changed their names by deedpoll 13 years ago. They filled in online forms and paid themselves. I obviously signed where necessary. They were 11 and 9. No issues since. Not sure if rules have changed. Dad was on bc but didn’t have parental responsibility

@Raindrops2015 yeah it was in the end! I hadn't worked it out to be like that but worked quite well. Very similar circs to yours, I honestly could have written your post myself 8 years ago!

How can he be on the bc and not have PR? Being on the bc means he has PR? I believe a father didn’t automatically have PR if he was on the BC but that changed in 2003 so longer than 13 years ago?

If he's on the BC he has PR.

My DS had to wait until he was 16 and then did an unenrolled deed poll (which is free.) Actually we misunderstood the rules so he didn't do it until he was 17. DS2 is planning to change his ad soon as he's 16 as well.

I think pp was saying that her children were 11 and 9 at the time (13 years ago) so 24 and 22 now!

Ah yes I see! 😬 That changed in 2003 so yes they would have been able to change it if they was born before 2003

I didn't do it by deed poll and only changed my surname officially on marrying my dh.

My mum changed mine without permission and my dad took her to court to make her change it back. They did.
Then all the paperwork went missing and because deed poll doesn't keep records I had a massive hassle when I was trying to get my marriage licence. Really wish she'd never bothered.

Does anyone know if you need permission from the father to double barrel the surname ?

Yes, you do.

Any change to the child’s surname needs the agreement of each parent with PR.

How??? This hasn’t worked for me! Deed poll issued but passport office worn accept it

You need to post your own new thread.