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AIBU?

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Original poster

Inviting ex to the wedding

59 replies

Leftie202 · 04/05/2022 11:46

My fiancé wants to invite his ex to our wedding. I don’t want any ex’s there at all, we are having a small wedding with only close friends and close family. Less than 50 guests. The thing is, his best friend is now with his ex, in a relationship. They don’t live together but I would say it’s serious. I have never met her and don’t really intend to. I don’t want her there, but fiancé says he can’t not if she’s with his best mate! My reason for not wanting her there is because I don’t think any of our ex’s should be invited. So, aibu? I haven’t said absolutely not, but I’ve said how I feel.

OP posts:
springtimeishereagain · 04/05/2022 18:03

I wouldn't want an ex at my wedding, and I'd tell my h that. His mate will understand.

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/05/2022 18:12

I get why you feel like that

its your special day. He was once in love with her

its weird she’s now with his best friend

how did that happen

how long was your df with her

why did they split up

how long ago

KrisAkabusi · 04/05/2022 18:13

It was a six month relationship, she's now in a relationship with someone else, and yes, he's marrying you. I think you're overthinking this.

user1471457751 · 04/05/2022 18:45

@Blondeshavemorefun they dated for 6 months and it wasn't a serious relationship- hardly sounds like he was in love with her.

AskingforaBaskin · 04/05/2022 18:53

If I were him and this could be the future wife of my best friend I would say its not an issue and its happening.

6 months with him and she's now in a serious relationship they're not even on each others radar.

And id guess most friendships probably outlast most marriages so I know which one I'd back

NightmareSituation · 04/05/2022 18:55

I fully understand how you feel but for what it’s worth, it wasn’t serious and there are no feelings on either side.

Invite friends and plus 1.

……..and ignore the ridiculous comment above about them being “in love”. I’ve had lots of things that have lasted six month and had no problem getting rid 😉. X

BOOTS52 · 04/05/2022 19:11

You are not been unreasonable to not want an ex there and I would not be happy if partner's ex was his best friend. Okay to ring few times a year to catch up but not to be best friends. Stick to your guns and say no or else you will have her at christenings etc in the future. Tell him she is not coming and if he insists then I would be calling off the wedding or postponing it as this says alot about him that he is putting her before you and he needs to move on now.

BOOTS52 · 04/05/2022 19:14

so sorry I read this wrong, if she is with his best friend then yes reasonable that she is there as the partner of his best friend. They were not together long and she is with him now so would rather that situation than him been best friends with her. They did not work out and he loves you and don't be worrying about her at all and enjoy your day.

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/05/2022 19:14

Ah. I missed the 6mth bit

not a long term thing

shes with your df best friend

you will prob socialise in the future

but I still get weird as an ex and your wedding

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 04/05/2022 19:24

It only lasted 6 months. It was hardly serious which is probably why his friend is now with her.

I understand why you feel it's a bit weird but if you say no you are putting him in a difficult position with his friends and will make everyone overthink it. You either wont come across very well or you will make everyone think there was much more to it or your husband may have feelings etc.

What are you going to do in the future if they stay together? Never invite her over?

Neverhot · 04/05/2022 19:29

Now you have said it was only for 6 months I think yabu. If they go on to get married then she is inevitably going to become a part of your lives

splishsplashsploshsplish · 04/05/2022 19:35

YABU

As you said, it was a short term relationship, no feelings involved and serious(ish) relationship with his BF. I genuine can't understand why you would have an issue with this.

You are going to have to get along if the relationship continues.

As PP have said, BF + 1.

XenoBitch · 04/05/2022 19:39

YABU for being ok for couples to attend your wedding, but not half of this particular one.
Does your fiancé's best mate have a role in the wedding party? That would be even more harsh to deny him taking his girlfriend.

Gazelda · 04/05/2022 19:50

How long have they been in a relationship for?

RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 04/05/2022 20:02

I think if she's with his friend and it's serious it might look like there's still feelings there if you guys don't invite her.

I wouldn't be happy about it though either

Onlyforcake · 04/05/2022 20:04

You don't sound a very good match.

anothernamedoesntsmellsosweet · 04/05/2022 20:25

She is the girlfriend of your DPs best friend and you have never met? That's weird in itself isn't it?

Clarinet1 · 04/05/2022 20:51

What will you do if the Ex and BF get married at a later date? Would you refuse to go to their wedding with your then DH?

Original poster
Leftie202 · 04/05/2022 21:17

Clarinet1 if they ever got married I would go. If we were invited on a night out and she was there I would go, a meal, anything I’d go. But it’s my wedding. I just can’t shake the feeling of it bothering me. I also do think it’s very strange he even started a relationship with her in the first place but here we are

OP posts:
Original poster
Leftie202 · 04/05/2022 21:19

We’ve also never met because there’s never been a need to. They don’t live together so arnt together all the time, df sees his mate regularly but without me or his gf.

OP posts:
Blondeshavemorefun · 04/05/2022 22:44

If she is coming to the wedding you would be better off meeting her before for a drink Or meal rather then on your wedding day

how long ago did they split up

Thatswhyimacat · 04/05/2022 22:49

I had two of my exes at my wedding and I was with one of them a lot longer than 6 months!

If she's with his best mate then it's likely your paths will cross a lot in the future, it's probably best to get the relationship off to a good start. I would however want to meet her beforehand though, because I think it's fair enough to not have someone at the wedding you've never met, ex or no ex.

BreadAndWater · 04/05/2022 22:52

For me personally wouldnt allow it
Nope!

Original poster
Leftie202 · 05/05/2022 09:27

They’ve been together about a year and a half. To be honest I didn’t think it would last because he cheated on his wife to be with her and left her for her, but apparently they are very much in love. I’m good friends with my ex, father of my children and I wouldn’t be inviting him, my fiancé wouldn’t want him there either, I guess I do see the difficulty in the fact his best mate is with her, and I do get what he’s saying, he can’t say to him you can’t bring your girlfriend! So I will have to suck it up! Or hope that the fact we marry abroad means she can’t come anyway as she does have young kids (not with df best mate).

OP posts:
OatmilkandCookies · 05/05/2022 09:36

She's not being invited as his ex. She's being invited as your fiancée's friend's partner, so I do think you're being a little unreasonable.