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Original poster

To think my husband may fancy another woman

70 replies

pearlsandpetals · 03/05/2022 20:29

Hi all,

So just wanted your opinion on something. So basically my husband has started a new job recently and after his first day he mentioned that his manager is very young and just fresh out of university (my husband is in his 40s). I didn't think anything of it because I'm not really insecure or anything but I have noticed some changes in him in the past few weeks. For example, he is showering much more frequently and using strong scented aftershave. Usually he doesn't care and will go days on end without bathing! He has also started working more frequently and says that he's been asked to do the extra shifts but I know him too well, and I don't think this is something that would happen in his line of work. I am now wondering whether he has developed a crush on his manager or possibly someone else at work. I asked him jokingly who he was trying to impress after I saw that he had used his aftershave to see how he would react and he got very defensive saying that I had annoyed him and that he needs to freshen up more often now that he's doing the extra work. He didn't speak to me the rest of the night then the following day was very affectionate towards me and brought me some of my favourite snacks home from work that next evening. Am I just being a paranoid wife or do you think that there is something else going on. I don't necessarily believe he is having an affair but my intuition says that he has developed a bit of a crush. Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Indigoo03 · 04/05/2022 12:04

Could be partly innocent in terms of impressing new boss and seeing how new boss is presenting herself professionally so copying her? I guess the issue is how long he keeps it up for as the longer it is the less likely it is professional and within boundaries. However, perhaps he is trying to go for promotion or did he get turned down for it so now stepping up?

SleeplessInEngland · 04/05/2022 12:07

Boring answer but maybe he just wants to do create a good impression in a new job.

But even he does fancy her, there's nothing you can do about it outside of the unlikely event you find out he's acted on it.

Whatever00 · 04/05/2022 12:09

He is married not dead. He is allowed to find someone attractive. He isn't allowed to act on it. As long as he isn't having an affair I don't really see a problem. Washing more often is a good thing dipping his wick is a bad thing. Either way there isn't a huge thing you can do about it.

5128gap · 04/05/2022 12:31

Whatever00 · 04/05/2022 12:09

He is married not dead. He is allowed to find someone attractive. He isn't allowed to act on it. As long as he isn't having an affair I don't really see a problem. Washing more often is a good thing dipping his wick is a bad thing. Either way there isn't a huge thing you can do about it.

You don't see any problem in a man actively changing his behaviour to impress another woman, potentially sniffing round his manager, with whom he should be maintaining a relationship of professional respect? Either you're a man, or a woman who would be prepared to settle for a lot less than you should.

Blossomtoes · 04/05/2022 12:45

Charley50 · 04/05/2022 11:59

Lots of women in their twenties go for men in their forties...

Really? Not in my experience - or at least only if they’re stunningly good looking or much richer than the woman. We know the latter doesn’t apply n this case and, given that stunningly good looking men in their 40s are rare as rocking horse shit, the former doesn’t seem likely either.

IcedPurple · 04/05/2022 12:48

Charley50 · 04/05/2022 11:59

Lots of women in their twenties go for men in their forties...

They really don't.

Especially not married men in their 40s who are their junior at work.

5128gap · 04/05/2022 12:49

Charley50 · 04/05/2022 11:59

Lots of women in their twenties go for men in their forties...

Yeah....except no, they don't. 😂

IcedPurple · 04/05/2022 12:50

Blossomtoes · 04/05/2022 12:45

Really? Not in my experience - or at least only if they’re stunningly good looking or much richer than the woman. We know the latter doesn’t apply n this case and, given that stunningly good looking men in their 40s are rare as rocking horse shit, the former doesn’t seem likely either.

Show quote history

Yes, when I was that age even that rarity which is a very good looking man in his 40s, was only good looking 'for his age'. I wouldn't have considered him on the same level as a hot young man.

Yes, there are women who prefer older men but they're a minority, and generally the older man would need to have something special to offer, which doesn't appear to be the case here.

5128gap · 04/05/2022 12:51

Blossomtoes · 04/05/2022 12:45

Really? Not in my experience - or at least only if they’re stunningly good looking or much richer than the woman. We know the latter doesn’t apply n this case and, given that stunningly good looking men in their 40s are rare as rocking horse shit, the former doesn’t seem likely either.

Show quote history

I think you're being harsh there Blossom. The guy's started to wash now! What more could a successful young woman desire than a 40s bloke who showers now and again?

emmakenny · 04/05/2022 12:55

Crikeyalmighty · 04/05/2022 10:45

@Palmfrond My H did exactly what you talk about in his early 40's, problem was he also sat down and wrote poems/songs about it (and recorded the songs too- he's a good musician) -- they had lots of work trips away and texted a lot too which I knew about but didn't think anything of.
Anyway I found all these songs/poems about 5 years ago and knew what they were about instantly. His rabbits in the headlights response to me was 'it was just a crush' thing is you had the total sense to realise you were potentially getting into dodgy territory, my H was stupid enough to get totally carried away and whilst I do believe there wasn't an affair as such he went right down in my eyes , having read their feelings about someone else and the 'feeling alive' and all that shit. I'm still married but don't think I will ever feel 100% the same about him , so you judged correctly--. Even a heavy handed crush and not keeping it 100% in your head has the potential to decimate relationships -

What's the point in scoring out text you've written with the intention of other posters reading it?

emmakenny · 04/05/2022 12:56

CloudPine · 04/05/2022 12:03

Just be grateful he's started to wash.

Grin
Blossomtoes · 04/05/2022 13:02

She’s having phone trouble @emmakenny.

SleeplessInEngland · 04/05/2022 13:07

5128gap · 04/05/2022 12:31

You don't see any problem in a man actively changing his behaviour to impress another woman, potentially sniffing round his manager, with whom he should be maintaining a relationship of professional respect? Either you're a man, or a woman who would be prepared to settle for a lot less than you should.

Show quote history

To be fair half the reason the OP's suspicious is because her husband is now washing himself like a normal person and not once every few days. That's a very low bar.

Howaboutnope · 04/05/2022 13:09

Bluestripeddress · 03/05/2022 21:14

Days on end without bathing?? Ewwww

Exactly! Sounds like shes done you a favour. Why was he going so long between bathing?! Thats gross.

emmakenny · 04/05/2022 13:15

Blossomtoes · 04/05/2022 13:02

She’s having phone trouble @emmakenny.

I see, my apologies.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 04/05/2022 13:23

3 possibilities

1 he has a crush
2 he has started a new job, everyone there is a bit tidier than in his previous job and he wants to fit in
3 someone has told him he stinks.

KettrickenSmiled · 04/05/2022 15:25

Palmfrond · 04/05/2022 10:59

For your mansplaining needs, please see every other post I’ve made on mumsnet.

Show quote history

Careful with that dry humour now @Palmfrond . It may get you washed & brought to my tent.

Crikeyalmighty · 04/05/2022 16:25

@emmakenny Yes apologies for this-- on my return to UK in next 10 days one of my first visits is for a new phone contract!! I have no idea why it's doing it - but it's 6 years old and constantly does it on mumsnet if I make comments. It's immensely irritating I know.

Iflyaway · 04/05/2022 16:30

Usually he doesn't care and will go days on end without bathing!

This would put me off any man, sorry.

Iflyaway · 04/05/2022 16:33

stunningly good looking men in their 40s are rare as rocking horse shit

😅😅😅

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