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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not find this relentless sexual harassment funny in the slightest

92 replies

Alysskea · 03/05/2022 17:14

I have a feeling I'm going to get a roasting for this but I'm feeling pissed off to be quite honest.

Im in a holiday at the moment in a hot country, Europe, and went all inclusive as it saves money in the long run.

For context I am 27, married, gay as the day is long. I've never flirted in my actual life.

So thing is every time I go to the bar to ask for a f-ing glass of water I have to subject myself to at least 5 minutes of sexual harassment. 'Hello sexy, how are you'. 'Why just water, don't you want a sex on the beach?'. Constant jibes, all of them about my body. Countless jokes about getting me drunk (again, I wanted WATER given it's 28 degrees outside).

I'm just so cranky, my head is pounding from dehydration but I have trauma in my past and I literally can't cope with this. How does everyone else manage it, or even think it's funny? Is it just me?

OP posts:
annonymousse · 03/05/2022 18:22

Tunisia was the worst place for predatory bar and waiting staff in my experience. All the staff were male and me and my daughter went on a girls holiday. Constantly being asked for our phone numbers and invited on dates. It did spoil the holiday and I would never go back to Tunisia.

Tulips21 · 03/05/2022 18:26

Turkey was like this when I visited 10yrs ago.
And is one of the main reasons I wouldnt go back!

Rrport to manager or rep

MintJulia · 03/05/2022 18:26

Sounds like my 18yo foray to Italy with my female room mate. We were followed, cat called and hassled by Italian boys for the entire time. It was miserable and in the end we stayed in the hotel's garden just to get away from them.

It was a huge relief to come home. It seems nothing changes !

CorvusPurpureus · 03/05/2022 18:31

I live in Egypt.

It's absolutely endemic in tourist resorts - I did a few days of lazy beach holiday in Sharm a couple of years ago, & teenage dds & I managed to rack up quite a number of 'marriage proposals' from random beach dudes plugging glass bottomed boats etc.

You just tell them to piss off 'imshi!' & that they're out of order 'haram!' with a side order of what the hell 'edah!' & problem solved...they'll move on to the gullible tourist on the next sun lounger.

Unfortunately, there IS a culture in these resorts of sex tourism - ladies who are very happy to meet handsome young men. Sure, it's annoying, but a robust response sees them on their way.

I've been here 8 years & feel much safer than in the uk, tbh. It's just tourist hustling. Irritating but you aren't at any risk so long as you are clear that you aren't interested.

Fairislefandango · 03/05/2022 18:35

Sure, it's annoying, but a robust response sees them on their way. I've been here 8 years & feel much safer than in the uk, tbh. It's just tourist hustling. Irritating but you aren't at any risk so long as you are clear that you aren't interested.

Annoying?! It's absolutely fucking unacceptable! The fact that if happens a lot doesn't make it less offensive.

MintyGreenDream · 03/05/2022 18:47

Men in Turkey were vile when I went.Never again.

DangerouslyBored · 03/05/2022 19:14

Iamclearlyamug · 03/05/2022 17:48

If it is turkey, tell them 'siktir git' it means fuck off - sometimes telling them in their own language helps!

Although admittedly you shouldn't have to, they should bloody well not do it at all. But I say this as someone who was engaged to a Turkish man - I promise you they're not all like that!

no, don’t do that. I was punched in the face for
telling a sleezy Greek guy who was harassing me to fuck off in Greek. Just ignore. Don’t engage.

DogsAndGin · 03/05/2022 19:16

Leave a scathing TripAdvisor review

Original poster
Alysskea · 03/05/2022 19:31

I really appreciate the solidarity from everyone. It helps to know I’m not alone (though logically I know I’m not!!!) I’m in cyprus, tend to avoid countries where I’m illegal (or mostly so!!).

to the person who said the hotel will think I’m making a fuss about nothing - they really will. It is the norm here and sadly no rep. I’m going to try and be as stoic as possible. I think I’ve gone for at least mild politeness but that hasn’t worked so we’re going for full rudeness and ignoring next!

OP posts:
penpalgal · 03/05/2022 19:32

Give them hell, OP. You're paying for a relaxing time and instead are being sexually harassed, this is not acceptable. Report to the hotel, resort etc make a complaint, make sure they do something, and tell the men saying this that you don't appreciate being spoken to like that, and that you don't have to explain your choice of drink to them, it's none of their business.

Original poster
Alysskea · 03/05/2022 19:40

penpalgal · 03/05/2022 19:32

Give them hell, OP. You're paying for a relaxing time and instead are being sexually harassed, this is not acceptable. Report to the hotel, resort etc make a complaint, make sure they do something, and tell the men saying this that you don't appreciate being spoken to like that, and that you don't have to explain your choice of drink to them, it's none of their business.

I feel quite empowered by this, thank you! I am a strong independent woman in my head but I struggle to stand up for myself sometimes!

OP posts:
ChilledScandi · 03/05/2022 19:40

annonymousse · 03/05/2022 18:22

Tunisia was the worst place for predatory bar and waiting staff in my experience. All the staff were male and me and my daughter went on a girls holiday. Constantly being asked for our phone numbers and invited on dates. It did spoil the holiday and I would never go back to Tunisia.

Same here. I was even chased and had to jump in a taxi. It was horrific. I will NEVER go back to Tunisia! It was bad in Egypt, Turkey, and Israel, but Tunisia was the worst. It spoiled my holiday completely. I’ve now travelled around the world, and Tunisia is still in my memory as just frightening.

runnerblade95 · 03/05/2022 19:41

Sorry to hear this OP.

What part of Cyprus are you in? Turkish or Greek side?

I’ve been to Cyprus a few times and I’ve never found men on the Greek side to be unpleasant but on the Turkish side it’s a whole different story. Would never go back to the Turkish side if someone paid me.

YANBU at all and I hope this doesn’t ruin your holiday

Mummadeze · 03/05/2022 19:42

Have you tried telling him (or them) that you are trying to relax and that he (or they) are ruining your holiday. You could also say that you don’t want to report him to the Manager but might have to unless he is more professional. Tell him you are feeling uncomfortable and it is his fault. I think you need to be really blunt but calm to deal with this. Am sorry though, sounds horrible and unsettling. I have booked to take my DD to Turkey on our own this Summer and feel nervous now reading this thread!

ChilledScandi · 03/05/2022 19:43

I once complained at a hotel in Tunisia, and staff (the girls did, even though it was the guys we complained about!) put so much salt in our food we couldn’t eat it. They just laughed. Not a fun girls holiday..

ChilledScandi · 03/05/2022 19:43

Cyprus was bad too.

runnerblade95 · 03/05/2022 19:45

Some of these stories are absolutely horrific! So sorry that you have all been through this! 🙁

Indicatrice · 03/05/2022 19:46

South Cyprus? If yes, I hope everyone assuming it was a Muslim country stop assuming in future.

penpalgal · 03/05/2022 19:51

I am a strong independent woman in my head but I struggle to stand up for myself sometimes!
That's completely normal, especially feeling less confident on foreign ground. I've been to (Greek) Cyprus and didn't have a problem with the men, but I was travelling with my boyfriend which may have deterred them. I do remember that the reps would literally drag us into their bars though and hand us shots, very pushy sales techniques.

ClaryFairchild · 03/05/2022 19:53

Cyprus usually has a LOT of Russian tourists. One of the things I learned in Russia was never having even the slightest hint of a smile in my face. It was hard as I was used to putting on a pleasant face and doing the usual "hi" slight smile and and touch of a head nod to people to acknowledge them in the UK. In Moscow that was apparently interpreted as showing an interest in them.

I had to develop a constant look of disdain on my face - basically a "fuck of" expression for EVERYONE I encountered. That helped a lot but was difficult to do as it was against my natural instinct.

wiiinoforever · 03/05/2022 19:59

Indicatrice · 03/05/2022 19:46

South Cyprus? If yes, I hope everyone assuming it was a Muslim country stop assuming in future.

No one assumed it was a Muslim country. People were telling their own stories. Some of them happened to be whilst in predominantly Muslim countries.

Changechangychange · 03/05/2022 20:04

i went on a Neilson beach club holiday in Turkey with a female friend and we were harassed relentlessly - one barman literally let himself into our room and waited for us in the dark - luckily I walked in and turned the light on, spotted him and walked straight back out. This same creep kept boasting to us (at the bar, we tried to avoid us) about fucking 12 year old tourists whose mothers thought it was true love (he was about 40). It was absolutely grim and we spent as much of the trip as possible out on the boats and away from the shore.

But then I did a Swimtrek holiday in Kas and it was lovely, no harassment whatsoever. One of the best holidays I’ve ever been on.

rumred · 03/05/2022 20:33

'annoying'? No it's harassment. It ruined my experience and scared me. No amount of attempts to deflect or refuse were effective. I started politely using Egyptian I'd learned and just ended up with fuck off as a standard response. We were obviously a) female and b) European and jesus did we suffer for it.
I really feel for you @Alysskea. It's disturbing and just plain wrong. But 2 women together in some countries is seen as an invitation to abuse

Indicatrice · 03/05/2022 20:40

wiiinoforever · 03/05/2022 19:59

No one assumed it was a Muslim country. People were telling their own stories. Some of them happened to be whilst in predominantly Muslim countries.

Show quote history

Er, you did. You’re the one who said ‘OP specified tat she was in Europe, which I believe has only two majority Moslem countries.’

And it’s Muslim, not Moslem. Moslem is offensive.

Original poster
Alysskea · 03/05/2022 20:44

ChilledScandi · 03/05/2022 19:40

Same here. I was even chased and had to jump in a taxi. It was horrific. I will NEVER go back to Tunisia! It was bad in Egypt, Turkey, and Israel, but Tunisia was the worst. It spoiled my holiday completely. I’ve now travelled around the world, and Tunisia is still in my memory as just frightening.

Show quote history

Really sorry to hear this, disgusting.

OP posts: