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AIBU?

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Original poster

What age should you get a mobile phone?

74 replies

Feckingfeck · 03/05/2022 08:34

DS (9) wants a phone for his upcoming birthday. I am extremely reluctant. He doesn't walk to school alone or need it to communicate with me at any point.

What age did you get mobile phones for your children?

AIBU to ignore his request and steer his birthday list in a different direction?

Thanks

OP posts:
Brideandprejudice · 03/05/2022 09:22

At 9 if they have access to a tablet at home, I can see no reason why they would need a phone.

tuliplover · 03/05/2022 09:26

Start of secondary was the general time for my kids and most of their friends.
For me it wasn't until I was 40 (2002)!

JudgeRindersMinder · 03/05/2022 09:26

Not before secondary school. We’re in Scotland so had the bonus of them going to secondary at 12 rather than the ridiculously young 11 that it is in England

LindaEllen · 03/05/2022 09:37

I got one when I was 10 as that's when I started going out and about with my friends after school and in the holidays.

It was not a smart phone.

I would never want my kids/teens to have smartphones because I bloody hate what it's done to their generation. But I know it's not that simple.

JoeGoldberg · 03/05/2022 09:40

Mine got phones at 10. Zero issues.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 03/05/2022 09:40

ItsSnowJokes · 03/05/2022 08:37

Secondary school at the earliest. No 9 year old needs a phone.

In some areas, the three tier system still applies though - so primary until year 4, middle school for three years, then upper school from year 9.

Which makes things a bit trickier as most middle schools let their students walk home from year five which is aged 9-10, in which case it would be sensible to let those children have phones.

tomatoandherbs · 03/05/2022 09:45

My two go to private school and hardly anyone has phones
No need. Everyone driven there as it’s in the arse end of no where.

12 and 9

Whatsmyname100 · 03/05/2022 09:48

BubblegumIceLollies · 03/05/2022 08:59

A simple mobile phone at 11. A smart phone ideally when they've left the home and can buy one themselves! If not, 16 and finished secondary school. Secondary school children are too immature for one.
A firm no to any at 9.

Will be doing the same. In my home country kids usually get phones only get first phones around 13/14. I'm continuously shocked how fast kids grow up here.

LunaLovegoodsNecklace · 03/05/2022 10:10

I was really surprised at my DD's best friend having a phone at 9. I think it's so unnecessary. I think it's to keep in touch with her dad (parents separated) but I don't really understand this. I'm separated too and take steps myself so that my DC have regular contact with their dad- I don't think it necessitates them having their own phones.

That other thread made me feel so anxious and definitely reinforced my views that I'm going to try and hold off with allowing mobile phones for as long as possible. I'm 34- I had my first phone at 12. Obviously mobile phones 22 years ago were nothing like what they are today. All I could do was make calls, send text messages (and £5 phone credit wouldn't last long so couldn't be glued to it) and play snake. They were actually ideal first phones for kids and I wish there was some kind of law that would make those the only kind of phones under-18s were allowed.

Desert76 · 03/05/2022 10:15

Dc2 will get one for 11th birthday in time for secondary school.
Most children in year 6 at her school get one as a “reward” after SATS.
Dd does walk to and from school alone already, but just a short journey so I don’t think a phone is actually necessary.
However lots of dd friends at other schools have had them since y5 or before, so just depends.

dc1 has a septmber birthday and got a phone for 12th birthday just after starting secondary. I think they are really useful at secondary - it was a helpful aid to developing friendships with classmates, and letting me know at short notice that was going to Costa after school with friends, or whatever.

SallyWD · 03/05/2022 10:16

We've just got one for my child who's 11 and in year 6, starting secondary school in September. It seemed like the right time as she's walking to school alone and starting to go to the park with friends (just over the road). I know nearly all the class have their own phones as they've formed a WhatsApp group. I wouldn't have given her a phone at 9. Its a minefield. I'm checking her phone but obviously she can delete things before I see them.

Aussiegirl123456 · 03/05/2022 10:55

My older two children were 14 and 15 when they got their phone. They didn’t need one as their school was right next to my work place and I collected them from school. My 12 year old still doesn’t have a phone.

However I’m not sure if it’s similar in the UK, but here a lot of children have to have iPads for school from prep (age 4.5), so this allowed the children to communicate with classmates. Their iPads were connected to my Apple ID so it was very easy breezy for me to monitor conversations. So because of this, the children never had a need for a phone.

I think if we were in the UK though, I’d likely do what the majority of the previous posters have done and get one for the child just prior to beginning high school. It seems a sensible age and would be useful too.

I know I was 12 when I got my first phone.

MedusasBadHairDay · 03/05/2022 11:23

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 03/05/2022 09:43

Not remotely surprised by this, me and DH are a couple of geeks, and we've noticed we're a lot stricter on the kids Internet access etc than the non-techy parents we know.

tomatoandherbs · 03/05/2022 11:37

@MedusasBadHairDay please advise!!

Clovacloud · 03/05/2022 11:42

I’m a techie, my daughter had lots of sports and after school clubs in primary, so she had bog standard brick PAYG Nokia from 10 (mostly because I thought she’d lose it). She didn’t ask for a smart phone until she was about 13/14?. She liked not having a smart phone, it took a lot of pressure of her as she couldn’t join any social media. It kept her out of a lot of the drama that went on on social media in her year. She just pretended to her friends I was really strict 😂 (I’m really not!)

PinkSyCo · 03/05/2022 12:04
MedusasBadHairDay · 03/05/2022 12:05

tomatoandherbs · 03/05/2022 11:37

@MedusasBadHairDay please advise!!

Mine are 8 and 10, so until very recently they've had a white list of websites they can visit (so everything blocked by default, with a few exceptions allowed through). Where we've given them access to sites like YouTube it's also been on a white list setup. They have no social media, no mobiles (though that will change next year when DS goes to secondary school). They can't play multiplayer computer games unless they can be in a private game with known friends, or the chat can be switched off entirely. Roblox has always been absolutely off the table as we don't trust that user generated content is going to be moderated. We try to avoid games with microtransactions, especially loot boxes, and will only bend that rule if the game can be played without them (and its not connected to a card).

We've opened up their browsing a little now, and moved to a black list (everything open by default, but with dubious content blocked) and they know we can check their history at any time.

Signing up to new sites with their email address requires one of us to give permission.

EarringsandLipstick · 03/05/2022 14:04

MakkaPakkas · 03/05/2022 09:00

M DC are 11 and 14. They both got Nokia's when they started secondary school. Neither has a smart phone yet. I'm thinking about getting the elder one a smart phone soon, basically because it's hard to engage in adult life without one (maps, train tickets, taxis, bloody QR codes etc) but honestly I'm very reluctant. I wish I didn't have one.

I can't believe your 14 yo is still happy to have a Nokia / non-smart phone.

I don't think there is anything wrong with a secondary school student having a smart phone (caveat: in Ireland, where I am, they go later, often they are 13 in their first year). You can put parental controls & limits on it, which I've done for my 15 yo and about to do for my nearly 13 yo who is getting his phone this week.

In the first year I check their phone, a lot.

My 15 year old would be lost without Snapchat, Tik Tok & similar, it's part of her social life. I check who she's friends with, it's all above board. Also it's brilliant for using Revolut for example, transferring her money, checking what she's spent.

In reality so much of our lives is lived on our phones, I pay for almost everything now using my phone, so all my online banking.

Smartphones aren't evil, once you are sensible.

EarringsandLipstick · 03/05/2022 14:06

To the OP's original question, no way would a 9 yo get a phone in my house BUT I have got my 10, nearly 11 yo a Nokia 'brick' phone, that he takes only on days he has to come home alone for school or other specific purposes

He's raging he can't have a smartphone but tough.

jamimmi · 03/05/2022 14:22

To young at 9 for a phone. Mine now much older got phones the term before secondary as birthday pressie's. Didn't have an issue with DS accessing porn thankfully only " normal sex" a friend had much worse. Phones were given with the understanding I would check them randomly and when.google family became a thing I controlled all they could download and acess. Was taken off at 14 but the checking rule stays till 16.

aoibhacado · 05/01/2023 19:36

tenth birthday sounds good to me, but no social media.

indie123 · 07/01/2023 17:30

My daughter got one at 11. Towards end of year 6

indie123 · 07/01/2023 17:32

Btw she’s 12 now. She’s not allowed any social media. She only uses it for WhatsApp, homework, games and occasional YouTube

PrincessConstance · 07/01/2023 17:40

DP got his kids phones at 10 and 11 respectively.
Mainly for pick up's. They're pretty much locked down 23hrs a day.

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