To not tell family the babies sex

[Crumpetloveliness]

I do feel a bit bad about this and ultimately it’s not like they won’t find out when baby is here. However, I’ve not told my family the sex of baby but DHs family know (different country so no chance of speaking) and our close friends.

It’s exactly what my DM wants and she’ll crow about it (she informed both of my siblings I was pregnant despite me asking her not to so I could tell them) and buy a whole load of colour associated crap for baby.

I do realise writing that out it seems petulant, so I probably am unreasonable here. My DH doesn’t get it and thinks I’m being mean when it would make her happy. Would or has anyone else done this?

no need to tell her. I didn't tell anyone the sex of my babies until they were born.

I must admit I do find it odd when people at work who don’t know you or even randomers ask the sex and expect to be told

but why do you find it odd?! It’s not private, or shameful or a secret? Why would it be a secret, unless you want to build up some bizarre level of suspense over your own baby? Would you also try to keep it a secret when the baby is out? It’s as ridiculous not to tell someone if you know when it’s in your uterus, what’s the difference? It’s a baby boy or a baby girl.

If you're sure she won't hear it from anyone else then I would just tell her you don't know and if she keeps asking you'll give over speaking to her.

Or you could tell your siblings then her last and if she says anything say well I wanted to be able to tell people my own exciting news - I do this with my dad now because we could never tell people our own news if we told him first.

And I don't think not wanting coloured crap is wrong. I knew the colour palette I wanted for my baby (I didn't want a lot of clothes and wanted capsule wardrobes for each age to keep their wardrobes minimal). You could make it clear if she asks by saying it doesn't matter what sex it is as we will not put baby in any gender specific/pink/blue clothes anyway so I hope nobody wastes their money on them. As parents we know what we want and it's frustrating when people do the opposite and do their own thing.

What's ridiculous is that people think they have a right to know the ins and outs of other peoples lives. Obv she won't try to keep it a secret when baby's born but I've never heard of a baby being confirmed a boy at birth then suddenly becoming a girl. Gender scans aren't 100% and in any case it's up to the parents to decide if/who they tell.

Pfb I guess, but still your choice.

I must admit I do find it odd when people at work who don’t know you or even randomers ask the sex and expect to be told

That's a really weird way of phrasing it. I've asked colleagues before, not because I feel I have a right to know nor because I particularly care, but because small talk is a thing, it seems strange not to acknowledge a pregnancy and 'when are you due?" 'do you know what you're having?" seems fairly neutral territory. Not like asking about your birth plan or if you're struggling with constipation.

What's ridiculous is that people think they have a right to know the ins and outs of other peoples lives

the sex of a baby is water cooler conversation - it’s pretty neutral as a PP said. It’s certainly not “the ins and outs of other peoples lives”.

sex scans are pretty accurate, it’s so unlikely to be wrong. sex blood tests are 99.9% accurate too. It’s not really a reason to not disclose.

I must admit I do find it odd when people at work who don’t know you or even randomers ask the sex and expect to be told it’s a way of acting interested - Jesus it’s only one of two options and regardless the response is “awww”.

Personally I don’t think you should tell one family and not the other. It just creates more of an issue.

I must admit I do find it odd when people at work who don’t know you or even randomers ask the sex and expect to be told

Really? Jeez, it's not a national secret! It's just someone making conversation- they couldn't care less. It's just polite to seem interested, even if you're not!