To not tell family the babies sex

[Crumpetloveliness]

I do feel a bit bad about this and ultimately it’s not like they won’t find out when baby is here. However, I’ve not told my family the sex of baby but DHs family know (different country so no chance of speaking) and our close friends.

It’s exactly what my DM wants and she’ll crow about it (she informed both of my siblings I was pregnant despite me asking her not to so I could tell them) and buy a whole load of colour associated crap for baby.

I do realise writing that out it seems petulant, so I probably am unreasonable here. My DH doesn’t get it and thinks I’m being mean when it would make her happy. Would or has anyone else done this?

Absolutely this.. tell both or none ..

Only me and DH knew the sex with both of our babies.

@HTH1 that’s part of the problem, she ignores what we ask for and almost buys the complete opposite.

Not telling anyone is different than withholding the information from just your family.

@HeckyPeck thank you that summed it up pretty neatly!

TBH I don’t think my family really care one way or the other, my DM only wants to know so she’s the source.

Your choice... but I do find people weird about the sex of babies. Seriously why not just tell her? Is it a big deal if people know? I find it so odd when people say they know but are keeping it a secret!

It would very easy to just say you are not finding out until the baby is born. Why do otherwise?

Also, it's up to you. It's your baby. Stand firm.

Not telling people we know but aren’t sharing as that is odd/awkward. I’m telling them we don’t know, lol it could be wrong…

Absolutely nothing wrong if you don't want to tell her. You can tell and not tell whoever you want and those who think it's petty are being ridiculous imo

She's not respecting boundaries and taking your news from you to tell others. It's an exciting thing becoming a parent and some people cherish these moments and being able to share news how they wish, not have someone else shout their business to the world

If she told others you were pregnant when you specifically asked her not to, then she's lost the right to be told information you don't want to be common knowledge.
That said, if you weren't planning on telling her, it would have been fairer not to tell others either and keep it just between you til the birth

I do find it a bit weird about people who are weirdly cagey/sensitive about the sex of their baby. A good friend thought she was ‘winding me up’ as she knew and I didn’t (her baby’s sex) and she thought I was desperate to know. Didn’t have the heart to tell her I literally couldn’t give a hoot and made absolutely no difference to my life 🥴

Ridiculous- I knew a family where the mil didn’t want to know and it slipped out regardless.
Honestly in not wanting to make it a big deal you are actually doing the opposite. Just tell her and move on.

Hiding the sex of your baby when you know it yourself is strangely narcissistic IMO - like it’s such vital information it needs to be controlled. You aren’t Kate Middleton and the people asking aren’t the Daily Mail! Just tell them - it’s pretty nasty given that many other people know.

baby names I still think are silly but I do understand as people can be rude. But the sex?!

She'll find out at some point and buy you loads of crap then. Just let her get it out her system you might like some of it. The rest you can sell.

Your baby, your choice. I’m a gran of 3 and it was my DD’s & partners choice what they told me and when.

Hiding the sex of your baby when you know it yourself is strangely narcissistic IMO - like it’s such vital information it needs to be controlled. You aren’t Kate Middleton and the people asking aren’t the Daily Mail!

I fully agree, @Giraffesandbottom - I find this really bizarre. My old boss was pregnant and I asked if she knew the sex, just to be polite. She replied that they did know but they were keeping it a secret so "you'll just have to wait and see". I didn't tell her that I literally could could not care less and I found her really strange for thinking that it was important to anyone other than her, but there you go!

I can understand why you haven’t told her. Yes, some people might think you are being unkind, but it’s your news to share with who you wish- not hers.

Tell her when you want to but perhaps you tell your siblings first and then her

To be honest it's either a boy or a girl - only 2 choices- but a new baby - exciting

I must admit I do find it odd when people at work who don’t know you or even randomers ask the sex and expect to be told. I do completely get not caring either way, especially when someone says they know but won’t say as though it’s a national secret. I disagree with it being narcissistic is this instance though.

Could you tell your siblings first, if that was the main issue, take the sting out of her telling others. Get in there first.

@LightningAndRainbows you’re no doubt right in that she’ll just buy stuff later. I’m probably a bit sensitive but when you ask your DM to not get something explicitly and then she does exactly that it does make you question whether she’s gives a f**k or is doing to make herself happy

How much gossip can you get out of the sex of a baby ?

It’s only news once .. and then it’s chip paper

I am of course grateful for the thought but it’s somehow worse when it’s intentional, not sure that makes any sense!

To be fair I’m grateful for everyone’s thoughts, it’s made me realise that’s it’s not necessarily about baby. I’m disappointed that I can trust my DM

*can’t trust