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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Shit being alone on BH weekends

84 replies

Tempnamelady · 01/05/2022 23:27

51, split from DH of 25 years last year. My choice, but God I find these long weekends hard. My friend cancelled our night out Sat night that I was really looking forward to, so not done much at all. Anyone else? Just watching 4 weddings - never lets me down.

OP posts:
WeCouldBeSpearows · 02/05/2022 07:27

I've been on my own now for a not insignificant number of years.

I love the freedom of being able to do what I want, when I want. Gigs, cinema, theatre, comedy - imo these are all great things to do solo as I'm there to watch and listen, not to chat to someone else. I've been to a concert and a musical in the last month or so, and I've got a gig coming up soon.

But if you want company, maybe look at meetup? They have all sorts of groups for different things, there might be one to suit you. Also, where I live is a social discord group, created for people that want to get to know people in the area. They hold all sorts of events, and most people turn up on their own. There might be something like that near you?

EarringsandLipstick · 02/05/2022 07:37

bungee24 · 01/05/2022 23:34

I'm envious, it's better to be alone than to be trapped for a long weekend with someone who you don't want to be with.

Enjoy the freedom!

What an utterly thoughtless comment 😡

EarringsandLipstick · 02/05/2022 07:40

Those who are just getting a break are really not reading the room. Being on your own, completely alone, with no one coming home is very very different.

Exactly, well put.

OP, I'm sorry. It is hard. I think it's ok to acknowledge and sit with that upset and loneliness first, and then make plans for future occasions, eg finding a group to join or making a plan to go away. 💐

TheDoveFromAboveCooCoo · 02/05/2022 07:41

I'm having a rubbish one too. DH has worked all weekend and is working again today. Just me and DD(13) but she is generally in her room or messaging her friends.

I'm a relatively new wheelchair user and can't get out on my own so I've just been stuck in the living room reading (and watching court TV which I have only just realised exists). Otherwise I would probably visit some family or go for a wander round a park or something.

TooGiddy · 02/05/2022 07:54

I know it's difficult when a friend has cancelled something you were looking forward to.
I do like being alone which doesn't happen very often.
Is there anything you would like to do?
Read? Get a takeaway with a film?
Go to the cinema?
It's not easy when you're feeling alone as in lonely. Is it unusual for you to have time by yourself?

SueSaid · 02/05/2022 08:09

'Thanks all. I’ve had dinner with DS and his girlfriend and next door invited me in to watch out football team and a bite to eat '

That's not being alone op.

It must be disappointing to have a night out cancelled but if you've family and friends to do stuff with just make the most of that and have a Sat night out another time.

Josephsrose · 02/05/2022 08:13

Yeah, I get it OP. Divorced at 51 too
I have a friend to go to gigs with, but this weekend has been silent and lonely. Sometimes plans fail.
I'm still happy to be single, but not all weekends are joyful x

dottiedodah · 02/05/2022 08:24

Sorry to hear that you are feeling lonesome.Its shit when you get let down last minute! Maybe like a lady on here recently have a meal on your own at a nice Restaurant? She seemed to enjoy it ,had a couple of glasses of wine and looked at Mumsnet on her phone!Even asked by fellow ladies to join them but was enjoying herself too much! I think BH always seem a bit of a let down somehow.ATM its raining and My DS on his hols ,so family meals having to be on hold to next week .Enjoy 4 weddings .I love Hugh ,his BD is 3 days before mine and so I joke we are twins!(Hes considerably richer than me though!)

echt · 02/05/2022 08:28

SueSaid · 02/05/2022 08:09

'Thanks all. I’ve had dinner with DS and his girlfriend and next door invited me in to watch out football team and a bite to eat '

That's not being alone op.

It must be disappointing to have a night out cancelled but if you've family and friends to do stuff with just make the most of that and have a Sat night out another time.

It's possible these things happened after the OP posted her OP.

CrapBucket · 02/05/2022 08:31

I get it OP and I empathise. I also ended a 20+ year marriage and have a full on job. When someone lets you down on a social plan you are suddenly thrust into a very different place than you were expecting to be. Imo kitchen discos / bubble baths are not whats needed, its a bit deeper than that.

WeCouldBeSpearows · 02/05/2022 08:32

It's possible these things happened after the OP posted her OP

In the nineteen minutes between the posts?

opensunflower · 02/05/2022 08:32

Could you have planned something so you wouldnt be alone? Walking holiday? Cooking course? Coach trip abroad? Yoga retreat

Vomunteering?

If i were single, id be doing those things.

WeCouldBeSpearows · 02/05/2022 08:33

Sorry, no, 41 minutes between the first and third post.

SueSaid · 02/05/2022 08:37

WeCouldBeSpearows · 02/05/2022 08:33

Sorry, no, 41 minutes between the first and third post.

Indeed.

I absolutely understand the sadness of those who on a long weekend don't see one other person but tbh I'd count dinner with a dc and their dp plus a bite to eat with neighbours as a fairly pleasant weekend.

CrapBucket · 02/05/2022 08:37

opensunflower · 02/05/2022 08:32

Could you have planned something so you wouldnt be alone? Walking holiday? Cooking course? Coach trip abroad? Yoga retreat

Vomunteering?

If i were single, id be doing those things.

The OP did plan something and her friend dropped out. She has posted here asking if anyone else understands.

I think quite a few of us do. It has happened to me as I don't like to plan too many things and never have a rest, but if you plan just enough and something changes, it can be a kick in the teeth.

whenwillthemadnessend · 02/05/2022 08:39

My dh moaned again about HIS weekend not being what he wanted even tho he never communicated his thoughts to me at the time so please Make the most of it.

Partners just ruin it anyway.

AngelinaFibres · 02/05/2022 08:42

Tempnamelady · 01/05/2022 23:49

would have been ok had sat night not been cancelled at short notice. I work very long hours and have that and the gym during normal weeks, but everyone is doing their own thing at BH and rightly so.

It is difficult but it can be so much better with forward planning. There is a website called 'meet ups' which is worth a look. Lots of groups on there and bound to be something that appeals to you. There will be social groups for single people who will be meeting up to do something sociable on bank Holidays,Sundays etc. Have a look. It's not a dating site .

Toddlerteaplease · 02/05/2022 08:44

I hate it. I'm off sick from work at the minute, and everyone is busy or at work. So I spent most of yesterday in Caffè Nero trying not to look like a billy no mates.

Original poster
Tempnamelady · 02/05/2022 08:48

Thanks everyone you are kind. I have lots of friends, go the gym etc, but they aren’t the sort who go out much and i do like the odd night out.
I’m in a state of flux, renting, missing my dog, went through a second horrible break up with someone i thought i could be really happy with. I like a nice house and try to keep busy doing that but its not gathering same when its not your own.
I sound like a right miserable cow, I’ve always been the loud bubbly friend but this year has knocked the stuffing out of me and some.

OP posts:
MrsLargeEmbodied · 02/05/2022 08:59

just change your mindset
step away from FOMO
do things for yourself, what ever makes you happy

Penguinpops · 02/05/2022 09:34

@Tempnamelady I kind of get this. Similar situation here except it was my husband that left.

Working from home means I don’t see people often and making new social connections is difficult when you don’t know where you will be living.

I didn’t have any plans for this weekend but have been having an unpleasant time so am glad a friend has suggested a Zoom this evening.

Original poster
Tempnamelady · 02/05/2022 10:57

@Penguinpops sorry to hear that - I’m the same wfh . Take care x

OP posts:
Mary46 · 02/05/2022 11:24

Op thats not easy. I find the dog gets me out. Long times alone can be isolating. Hope go downton film in few weeks will get me out. Found friends bit flaky past few years. So that didnt help.

EarringsandLipstick · 02/05/2022 16:18

whenwillthemadnessend · 02/05/2022 08:39

My dh moaned again about HIS weekend not being what he wanted even tho he never communicated his thoughts to me at the time so please Make the most of it.

Partners just ruin it anyway.

Oh my God. Seriously, people who post this nonsense on a thread where someone is expressing loneliness & sadness at being single ... totally tone-deaf.

I remember years ago shortly after my H had left, facing a Christmas on my own with 3 small DC, a mother at my kids' school said gaily, 'oh much better than having to fight over the remote'. I wanted to slap her.

Original poster
Tempnamelady · 02/05/2022 20:13

I literally cant wait for the weekend to be over. I have a feeling that my friend’s husband might not have been keen in her going out with me now I’m ‘single’. I don’t have any friends who aren’t married or in a couple.
i’m trying not to have a pity party , but the past 18 months have been horrible and i can’t see it getting any better. I am finding the loneliness crippling , out of interest i looked at online dating and the type of men on there are just not for me, plus I’m not ready for any sort of dating anyway.
Just fed up.

OP posts: