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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to wonder if friend is being scammed?

40 replies

Rosina987 · 01/05/2022 21:24

DF is 65. 6 years ago, she met a man aged 29 from Morocco (he was in the UK doing a short course) . He approached her in a pub and they started a romantic relationship. He returned to Morocco after his course and DF spent 2 years getting the UK Home office to agree for him to come to live in UK. She married him in Morocco in a bid to convince the Home Office it was a genuine relationship. The Home Office then agreed for him to come to live in the UK 4 and a half years ago.
All has been fine since he arrived and DF is very happy.

I can't help but worry that now he has been here nearly 5 years and can apply for indefinite leave to remain, he might not stick around. I worry that DF is being duped that he loves her and wonder if he is just after a British passport.

Am I being too cynical or do these massive age gap relationships sometimes work out okay?

I haven't expressed any worries to DF as I have chosen to remain supportive (especially since her family have reacted so badly to her relationship).

OP posts:
palmplantcirca1980s · 01/05/2022 21:33

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

NamechangeFML · 01/05/2022 21:34

Meh. Its been a few years? Long time for a ruse surely?

is she happy?
more than likely dubious but what can you do?

PonyPatter44 · 01/05/2022 21:35

Of course she is being scammed, does she get hit on by young men 30 years her junior in the UK? Of course she doesn't. Moroccan men aren't some weird breed of granny-fanciers, he's just sussed her as lonely and desperate, and glommed onto her.

Does she have much in the way of assets? Is she happy to hand over half in the inevitable event of divorce?

Original poster
Rosina987 · 01/05/2022 21:40

DF is really happy and believes her husband is 100% smitten with her. She does have a house in the way of assets and is also a high earner (hasn't retired).

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 01/05/2022 21:45

It's not really a scam though is it. She's gone into this with her eyes wide open and has decided that her husband is in love with her. Even though it's far, far more likely that he is in it for the financial gain.

ShopoholicIn · 01/05/2022 21:50

Yanbu op but just wondering if you raised it before she got married to him. Idoubt he really was or is smitten with her.. she fell for it and whatever it is, its it of her or your hands now. Since she hasn't retired and is a high earner, he might stick around..

AndSoFinally · 01/05/2022 21:58

Yeah, I think the point at which he can apply for leave to remain without being married is likely to prove eye opening for her. 5 years would be considered a relatively short marriage in terms of splitting assets for a divorce but he's likely to walk away with a good chunk of her finances.

CarrieCookie · 01/05/2022 22:01

As if a 29 year old bloke is not going to go for girls in their 20s/30s rather than a 65 year old Confused
Sorry of course your Df has been scammed. He's playing the long game. If he ends up with half her assets and British citizenship that's not bad for five years work is it?

2bazookas · 01/05/2022 22:05

MYOB.
What is wrong with her enjoying a few happy sexy years with a man she loves?
If it doesn't last, she can divorce him under the new no-fault divorce law.

Cosmos123 · 01/05/2022 22:08

Rosina987 · 01/05/2022 21:40

DF is really happy and believes her husband is 100% smitten with her. She does have a house in the way of assets and is also a high earner (hasn't retired).

You answered your question.
Hope you are there with your shoulders in a years time or so..
Losing half her assets at retirement.
WHEN WILL WOMEN LEARN.

TheCanyon · 01/05/2022 22:09

CarrieCookie · 01/05/2022 22:01

As if a 29 year old bloke is not going to go for girls in their 20s/30s rather than a 65 year old Confused
Sorry of course your Df has been scammed. He's playing the long game. If he ends up with half her assets and British citizenship that's not bad for five years work is it?

Like good old Iris and her wee toyboy.

www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/brit-gran-82-who-married-25308131

highhoo · 01/05/2022 22:12

I'm sure I read this exact thread a few weeks ago?

If your friend is sound of mind, it sounds like a mutually beneficial arrangement. They each have what the other wants so it sounds like they have taken advantage of each other.

Of course it could be genuine love and they'll stay together forever. But I'd be skeptical.

MayorDusty · 01/05/2022 22:13

Have known it happen a few times and it's never been anything good.
At best it's for the permanent stay, if he gets abusive or goes after assets or remarries his real wife she could be in for a rough time.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 01/05/2022 22:16

Losing half her assets at retirement.
WHEN WILL WOMEN LEARN.

She won't lose half - they have no children and it will be obvious to the court what is going on here. If he even takes it that far, more likely he will just skip out.

Rewis · 01/05/2022 22:24

I don't think scam is the right word. It is likely that he is a user and your friend is deciding not to believe it. Whether he is using her or not is something we will find out soon. They are already married and he has moved so the damage is done if it is not genuine.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 01/05/2022 22:24

I can’t really call this a scam so much as I think he’s using her for his immigration reasons. It’s really no better or worse than a young woman marrying a rich old codger and using him for his money. 5 years is longer than a lot of ‘legit’ marriages, at any rate. I agree with others she’s using him as much as he’s using her from the sounds of it.

I think she will find he’s not as smitten with her when he gets his status. But really the age difference and his immigration status should have been red flags to begin with. So unless she finds emails detailing out the long con, I’m not sure she’ll ever be able to prove one way or another, in fact if/when he does leave her she’ll probably double down so she doesn’t look foolish.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 01/05/2022 23:16

Aren't they both using each other to an extent?

She gets a lovely young husband and probably some great sex and company, and he gets citizenship and property/money/work in the UK.

420Bruh · 01/05/2022 23:20

They're both using each other.

DoIDareSayAnything · 01/05/2022 23:41

No fool, like an old fool.

Transactional relationships can work just fine though, if everyone is getting what they want.

She doesn't really believe it. Unless she is extremely stupid. She might want to believe it, but that isn't the same thing.

leccybill · 01/05/2022 23:56

Of course he's using her. Obvious to all, and in the recess of her mind, she'll know this.

user1471447863 · 02/05/2022 00:38

He may well be a bit like Wayne Rooney and like a bit of Granny action - or more likely he is using her to archive the goal of permanent residency in the UK.
To be fair he is has put 6 years of work into it so far and obviously backs down when needed to ensure he's not shown the door prematurely.

If you had to describe a romance or immigration scam this is exactly one scenario you would present and is thus the most likely scenario.

Hopefully if it does go that way the courts will see through the scam and award him little more than his bus fare home though I doubt he would try and push his luck too far, last thing he would want is to risk having his status reversed/found invalid as some 't' wasn't crossed or 'i' dotted somewhere in the process. As suggested up thread he'd likely skip out quietly.

Of course he may end up enjoying a relatively peaceful life with a guaranteed roof over his head and access to money and stay on as her toy boy - he's played the game this long, he obviously doesn't detest her company

liveforsummer · 02/05/2022 06:40

A friend of mine started dating a man (Moroccan too incidentally). They were about 2 years in and official - he'd met all family and friends, stayed over at her house most of the week - when she discovered he actually had a wife double his age. Still managed to con her for another year or so that they were just companions and she knew all about df. Later discovered that was totally untrue and wife thought they were madly in love and that her fabulous husband was just working away from home. Within minutes of her ending the relationship his profile appeared on dating sites. Gone now so imagine he's seeing someone else, he's still 'married' too. The wife is kept around even after right to stay for convenience and financial reasons so he might not just ditch her but of course a 29 year old isn't marrying someone who is 65 out of anything but what the can get from them. That goes without saying.

Limer · 02/05/2022 06:56

British passport and meal ticket for life.

Does he work?

What does "her family" consist of? Does she have adult children who are rightly concerned about their mother (and their inheritance, of course)?

It's usually older men who are duped by younger women from poor countries in exactly the same way, and for exactly the same reasons.

custardbear · 02/05/2022 07:01

I think she's going to end up single soon, I just hope he doesn't take half her money and assets

RedHelenB · 02/05/2022 07:06

TheYearOfSmallThings · 01/05/2022 22:16

Losing half her assets at retirement.
WHEN WILL WOMEN LEARN.

She won't lose half - they have no children and it will be obvious to the court what is going on here. If he even takes it that far, more likely he will just skip out.

She might well if she's been providing for him. And if he wants it out a couple more years its no longer seen as a short marriage.