To buy a home with DH before we divorce?

[SimilarSituationsDifferentCountries]

NC for this as it's all very outing.

This is very similar to another thread on here but I am a different person, promise!

My DH and I have had issues since we married 7/8 years ago. We fell pregnant by accident with DC1 and then during a good patch in our marriage had DC2. Both children are still young!

DH probably has untreated MH but isn't willing to get support yet. We have been doing marriage counseling for 2 years.

My husband is from a different country but we met and settled here. Over the past year he has been keen to move back to his home country. But with our marriage so rocky and his home country is both dangerous/little work opportunities I've said no. He's recently told me he is going with or without me and gave me the deadline of 5 years. He's also said it's him moving their or him killing himself.

He will not be able to afford to send CM or see his children again or at least for several years. He is aware of this.

We currently rent a place.

Here is AIBU:

I would never be approved a mortgage by myself nor be able to stay in the area which is where DC1 school is and my support network.

I'm thinking that if I could try and buy something with him before he disappears off ( I'm not planning to legally divorce any time soon) then at least have a more permanent home for DC. I could go back FT soonish once DC2 is at school FT. So probably afford the repayments?

Am I mad? I'm happy for people to tell me otherwise. Feeling so overwhelmed and desperate to damage control over the situation.

So upset for my DC who adore their DF. This whole thing is shit. I desperately try to stay with DH to give DC stability. So please be kind. Sorry for the long message I didn't want to drip feed.

I work at a mortgage brokers. We wouldn’t touch this case I’m afraid. You are committing mortgage fraud and whoever arranged the mortgage for you is complicit in that and could be stripped of their licence.

This bit jumped out at me too.

How wonderfully convenient for him that he can now completely shirk all of his parental responsibilities...🤨
No child care or maintenance^^ payments.
I wouldn't let him off this easy, to be quite honest.

He has to take everything into consideration - just like you are right now.
How dare he??

You may be better divorcing your husband now & splitting any savings & assets now

He can go off into the sunset (shirking all his responsibilities)

You get the chance to start again

I agree with this.

Sorry I've gone quiet, busy day with DC today. But in reading through all your replies and really appreciate all the differing opinions! I will reply more thoroughly once I find a quiet moment.

I definitely wouldn't want to commit any kind of fraud or put anyone's job in jeopardy.

Just seems like I'm stuck in a rock and a hard place.

I'm so disappointed in him but equally not surprised. He probably would contribute but it would be very very little as the work he would get would be badly paid and then the conversion rate would further influence. But of course I'll be grateful for anything.

Have you got a deposit op? Would you be better off with a mortgage than renting (considering you may get uc to help with rent)?

If I were you I'd rent somewhere & apply for benefits.
You have no guarantee that you'll be able to pay the mortgage alone, applying with your DH may mean he could make a claim against the house if you do eventually divorce plus its probably fraud.
I'd wait until the DC are in full time education and your work situation improves.
You'll have enough on your plate working pt, no cms, full custody of the DC without worrying how you'll pay the mortgage.
Good luck 💐

You should definitely look in to all your options now.
How about Shared Ownership schemes, where you part rent, part buy?
Or buy the smallest, cheapest but suitable house in your chosen area and you can get a fixed rate for 10 years or the lifetime of the mortgage? Then you know what you're paying from the start, and don't have to remortgage and declare divorce!
Or, at a later date when you're paying it alone, you can usually extend the term so your payments are reduced, usually lenders don't ask too many questions around this, as they are making more money in the long run.
If you divorce, your husband cannot force you to sell, you can usually stay until the children are finished education.
He probably wouldn't get 50% as you can prove a need for a home for you and children, his abandonment etc. Most people on average salaries can't afford the Solicitors bills to fight it out like you see on TV!
Get a recommendation of a good solicitor and discuss this all beforehand. It will be an expensive meeting but worth it if they're good!
Also, try to get something in writing from your husband that he doesn't want half/ won't make you sell etc, that will show his intentions if ever needed at a later date.
I think it's good that you're thinking like this and there will be a way to do it. You are not divorced so you're doing nothing illegal.

I remember your other thread. The whole thing is madness. Stop trying to tie yourself to this nut case!

I think that you need to sit down & think on your own. What your priorities need to be

What you could do now

Seperate from your DH & make a single claim for universal credit (rent should be paid)
Start the divorce ASAP
If your DH moves, you may need to move too
Investigate a FT job

A mortgage is something to consider for the future

I'd do it. If you really struggle in a few years, you could then sell up and move out of London worst case scenario.
Or you could get a lodger/students in the spare room.

I would buy a house asap
if he does leave in 5 years - you can stay in house if he is happy with that - and agree on a share of equity when you divorce
Or worst case scenario have to sell then and both get a chunk of money to start again
You will be saving on rent too
ExDH and I didn’t divorce for over 5 years after he left - neither of us wanted to remarry at the time and I couldn’t afford to buy him out
We did our own divorce with little costs and agreed asset division
as DC were older I had got back on career ladder and was working full time so although a squeeze could get a mortgage - it also helped that the LTV was much better by then so had more choice of lenders

Why do you want to stay financially & legally linked to someone who says they are going to move abroad & abandon you & their children ?

It makes zero sense !

How are you going to afford a mortgage & all bills on your PT wage ?

So I've been thinking of all your replies, I've decided to call Citizens Advice and a finance advisor to see how much roughly I might be lent Solo. I will then have a better idea of what I've got to work with.

Just to answer some of the more recent questions.
I'm currently PT due to childcare prices but in a years time DC2 will be free. I'm lucky my job is stable and easy to find work, think police officer etc. But it doesn't mean I could get the right job in the right area FT at the drop of a hat.

If I was to go full time I'm fairly sure I could make the payments. But I would be in trouble if I suddenly couldn't work. I certainly would be living on a tight budget.

Thank you again for all your opinions!

You can’t apply for a mortgage with a man who is planning to leave the country.

He sounds appalling in his selfishness to his children.