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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would IBU to ask what language they spoke?

50 replies

Musingsofthemind · 01/05/2022 18:12

Two employees are bilingual. They are both lovely people who I enjoy working with.

A is less fluent in English than B. When I first started the role, I was told if A doesn't understand you, then get B to translate. This felt a bit off tbh, but anyway, A and I get along fine, share jokes etc. and I have never needed to do this.

Anyway, I thought it would be nice to be able to understand /say even a few phrases of their native language - or is this U? Just because they are lovely people!

The problem is, I don't actually know what language it is - how can I ask nicely without being offensive as I really really don't want to be!

<dons tinfoil hat>

OP posts:
FelicityBeedle · 01/05/2022 18:13

“Your accents are lovely! What are they?”

MrsPear · 01/05/2022 18:15

H said he thought I was second date material when I asked where his accent was from rather than ask where are you from ….

DownNative · 01/05/2022 18:16

Tell them you'd like to learn their language and could they teach it to you?

From there, conversation will reveal the language to you. Especially if they can recommend a resource such as books or websites.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 01/05/2022 18:18

I don't see anything wrong with asking what their first language is and they may even be happy to teach you a few phrases.

Original poster
Musingsofthemind · 01/05/2022 18:19

FelicityBeedle · 01/05/2022 18:13

“Your accents are lovely! What are they?”

Only one has a noticeable accent.

I think it is from a region that has more than one language.

OP posts:
Original poster
Musingsofthemind · 01/05/2022 18:21

Would people mind if I tried their language though? In general, I mean? Or would they find it offensive/corny?

You hear stories of Brits mangling French and Spanish on holiday for example, due to lessons in secondary school 🙈

OP posts:
ShinyMe · 01/05/2022 18:29

I'd just be honest! I'd say something like 'I'd love to try and learn a bit of your language so that I can at least say a few things to you in your own language! But I'm afraid I've realised I don't actually know what language it is!"

Old me would also add in something like 'how stupid of me, I'm sorry' but I wouldn't any more, I'd just be honest and friendly with it. If they know you and know you're genuine then they won't be offended.

Fitterbyfifty · 01/05/2022 18:30

Just ask them what the language is. I don't think that's offensive!

Butterbean9 · 01/05/2022 18:33

I would just ask them what their language is.
I have an accent and people ask me where I'm from all the time, I don't think questions like that are offensive.

araiwa · 01/05/2022 18:36

I don't really understand how asking someone is offensive

ModerationInEverything · 01/05/2022 18:38

Just ask, it isn't offensive. I work with some people who have English as an additional language, if they mix up words or pronounce incorrectly I don't think anything about it. Their English is significantly better than my speaking their language.
I also disagree with the comments about Brits abroad mangling the language. I think it's much better to have a go.

Brainfogmcfogface · 01/05/2022 18:41

I’d have asked them from day dot.. I don’t understand why you’d think it was offensive or why you haven’t already asked 🤷‍♀️

ouch321 · 01/05/2022 18:44

This is a tad cringey, all this faux worry.

BritWifeInUSA · 01/05/2022 18:46

I have an accent and I am sick and tired of people saying “I love your accent”. It sounds ridiculous. What am I supposed to say back? It’s just the way I speak. I’ve not gone out of my way to speak like this. People say to me it’s like saying “I love your new hairstyle” but it’s not. A new hairstyle is something someone has consciously changed about themselves. I also find it rude when people ask where I’m from. What does it matter? I don’t ask people here which city they were born in as part of regular conversation or small talk. I have even been asked how long I’m visiting for. I live here and I’m a naturalized US citizen. I’m not going anywhere. This my home.

Personally I would ask them about their homeland in a generally curious way. Don’t focus on the accent. Ask them what it’s like there, what they miss, if they get the chance to go back often, and a natural conversation should flow from that. I much prefer people to show an interest in my homeland than just ask about my speech.

whumpthereitis · 01/05/2022 18:51

Ask them. I have a Slavic accent, and I wouldn’t take offence if you asked. You can tell the difference between someone asking because they’re curious and genuinely interested, and someone who is asking in an accusatory manner.

Phos · 01/05/2022 18:54

Just ask "what is your first language"

You know English isn't the first language and they are aware you know that, I can't see how it would be offensive.

ladymaiasaura · 01/05/2022 18:55

BritWifeInUSA · 01/05/2022 18:46

I have an accent and I am sick and tired of people saying “I love your accent”. It sounds ridiculous. What am I supposed to say back? It’s just the way I speak. I’ve not gone out of my way to speak like this. People say to me it’s like saying “I love your new hairstyle” but it’s not. A new hairstyle is something someone has consciously changed about themselves. I also find it rude when people ask where I’m from. What does it matter? I don’t ask people here which city they were born in as part of regular conversation or small talk. I have even been asked how long I’m visiting for. I live here and I’m a naturalized US citizen. I’m not going anywhere. This my home.

Personally I would ask them about their homeland in a generally curious way. Don’t focus on the accent. Ask them what it’s like there, what they miss, if they get the chance to go back often, and a natural conversation should flow from that. I much prefer people to show an interest in my homeland than just ask about my speech.

I'm a bit confused by this. You think it's rude when people ask where you are from but you want them to ask about your homeland...? How can they ask about your homeland without establishing where that is?!

Anyway, OP I don't see anything rude in asking your colleagues what their first language is. Just be open and honest... "What is your first language? I don't recognise it. I'd love to learn a few phrases."

MarshmallowSwede · 01/05/2022 18:57

Not offensive to ask at all. When my husband and I were living in London sometimes people asked us what language we were speaking. Sometimes ppl don’t know what Swedish sounds like so it was not an offensive question at all for us and it started many lovely conversations.

Its a nice conversation starter OP to ask them and then maybe to ask some follow up questions about their country etc.

Many people enjoy this and are happy if others take an interest in their language and culture. So definitely ask.

Cherrysoup · 01/05/2022 18:59

I learnt some Greek when I went there, it’s only polite. I’d be delighted if a colleague tried with my language. There was a Greek person working in my department this week, he spoke a tiny bit of French and I tried out my Greek, we both thought it was funny!

Cherrysoup · 01/05/2022 19:00

I ask all the time, I’m a language teacher. I spoke to a fellow dog Walker a while back, turns out he’s Colombian, we had a lovely chat in Spanish.

Rewis · 01/05/2022 19:01

FelicityBeedle · 01/05/2022 18:13

“Your accents are lovely! What are they?”

This is not offensive by any means but whenever someone says this to me I always wonder about the motives behind the question. It doenst really come across as sincere.

I personally wouldn't comment on the accent. I prefere flat out "where are you from" and then going from there. If it's area with a lot of different languages then it could be "oh, cool. From the German or the Italian side? Heard its gorgeous over there" etc. We know it's bs but something about commenting on the accent just doesn't feel very nice.

Norush4 · 01/05/2022 19:03

I would start by asking where they are from first if you don't know already! It's not offensive but I wouldn't want to try and speak or learn their language for what? When you didn't know what it was yesterday.

Rewis · 01/05/2022 19:03

I'll add that asking what language are you speaking Is a good way to ask

BattenburgDonkey · 01/05/2022 19:06

Why can’t you just ask what language it is? Surely that’s less offensive than making a big deal out of worrying about offending them. It’s not an offensive question. Then once they’ve answered just say can you teach me a few phrases. I get that you want to be sensitive but sharing language is a fairly natural thing, i wouldn’t stress about it.

IcedOatLatte · 01/05/2022 19:07

Rewis · 01/05/2022 19:03

I'll add that asking what language are you speaking Is a good way to ask

I can't think of any way in which asking someone what language they are speaking could be considered offensive

What's the thinking behind that OP?