Would IBU to ask what language they spoke?

[Musingsofthemind]

Two employees are bilingual. They are both lovely people who I enjoy working with.

A is less fluent in English than B. When I first started the role, I was told if A doesn't understand you, then get B to translate. This felt a bit off tbh, but anyway, A and I get along fine, share jokes etc. and I have never needed to do this.

Anyway, I thought it would be nice to be able to understand /say even a few phrases of their native language - or is this U? Just because they are lovely people!

The problem is, I don't actually know what language it is - how can I ask nicely without being offensive as I really really don't want to be!

<dons tinfoil hat>

Why can't you just ask them? Or Google a word they have said (even if you spell it differently Google works wonders) and then maybe you could find out seeing as you are around them a lot you can pick up certain words or sounds like words...

Another one who truly doesn’t understand what’s offensive about asking what language they are speaking. I am flattered when people ask me about Sweden. If they tried to speak Swedish to me I’d be incredibly touched! Who cares if it sounds right or not? What a lovely touch. Most people are very proud of their origin. If I was in this situation I’d 100% make small talk about it - it’s nice to take an interest in other people?

I live abroad and speak daily to many people in different countries. It's a common question (to me and to my colleagues) and I don't think anyone finds it's offensive. "oh your accent doesn't sound very xxx, where are you from originally?" is quite a normal question.

I just didnt want to be offensive. Glad it won't be. I shall ask them when I next see them.

Thanks everyone.

The only odd thing is that you obviously work with these people and haven't bothered to find out where they're from yet.
Just ask them.

I agree with this. I was born in an Eastern European country, spent most of my life in Germany and am now living in the UK.
When people ask me where my accent is from I genuinely don’t know - because it doesn’t come from one place. In Germany people very often thought I had a French accent, in the UK people recognise the German influence, but not the Slavic one.
I really don’t mind when people ask me where I am from, as the previous poster said, you can tell if someone is just being genuinely curious or trying to be offensive.

Just ask! I used to work on the maternity ward of a hospital in an area with a lot of Pakistani families. Occasionally, the women struggled to understand English and we had to get someone to translate. I made an effort to learn some Urdu phrases, which not only made my job easier, but it seemed to be greatly appreciated by them. Not offensive in the slightest, I don't think.

I would just ask what language they’re speaking.

You are really overthinking this to a bizarre level. Guess that’s MN for you.

What is wrong with this world? I despair. Why on earth would it be offensive to someone to ask about their accent or what language they speak?

Sounds similar to me, funnily enough. My parents are both Slavic but one’s from Serbia and the other is from Russia, so even in their respective countries you can hear in my accent that I’m not ‘native’.

I lived in the UK as a teenager and I have an American husband, so all in all my accent is all over the place really. Had quite a lot of people guess Polish and Lithuanian (neither!), and weirdly enough South African and New Zealand (not even close).

Bit dramatic

This is someone you have a friendly professional relationship with, it’s fine to ask what other language they speak, I’m sure your genuine interest will be taken the way it was intended. The only way it could be offensive is if the delivery is offensive (as in aggressive or derogatory), but genuine interest and politeness will be fine.

My friends sometimes slip into talking Polish together! I always ask about certain words they say. Or I tell them to speak English because I feel left out! (Light hearted, not at all aggressive, they are my friends and its fine!!)

When I lived in France people would often remark on my 'charming English accent'. That wasn't the effect I was hoping for; I rather hoped I was developing the French accent of a life-long speaker. But it wasn't to be. Tant pis.

But I wasn't offended. How sad to be offended by people remarking on your accent!

I often ask people what language they are speaking. The guy on my local fruit stall speaks a very unusual variation of farsi and there are several people around who also do. It doesn't sound like any other language I've ever heard and they tell me it isn't widely spoken.

That’s so interesting re: accents! Never knew where my “french” accent came from, but I’ve heard it so many times that I had one.

@amicissimma ”But I wasn't offended. How sad to be offended by people remarking on your accent!”
I agree with this. I mean, I know I have an accent when I speak English, people don’t need to pretend they don’t notice. As long as they don’t look to offend me I’m fine with them asking.

I have an accent. I think it is fine to ask and I would never be offended if someone did. That said, I have lived here longer than I have lived anywhere else so I do get a bit bored of the conversation.... this is my home and has been for some time.

I will smile and be polite through the whole, "I visited xxxx on my gap year", "my cousin lives in xxxx, do you know them?". I know it is well-meaning and comes from kindness, so will always make sure to take it in good grace. But I have heard it from most people I have met for nigh on 30 years, so it is really not that exciting to me any more.

So don't feel you have to ask. They might have many more interesting things about them than where they are from!

I think it’s a bit cringey to learn some of the language - you aren’t planning to become fluent so it will just be dropping the odd ‘thankyou’ or ‘good morning’ in - you’re in the UK presumably so it will be like pointing at them and saying ‘you’re foreign’. I just wouldn’t. Maybe any customs or cultural dates would be nicer.

I don't think it's offensive, and there's nothing wrong with mangling a language when you're learning. It's better to make an attempt and mangle it than rely on the rest of the world to speak English. Just ask what their first language is and ask them to teach you some phrases, they'll probably be delighted to.

I too have an accent and people ask about it all the time.

In my mind it is a mark of curiosity, an interest in me, an interest in the a world outside of self. I am also curious about other peoples accents, migrations, language.

I never get why it is offense to some people. I accept it, but don't get it.

I have a Swedish accent and people ask me all the time where my accent is from, and then they usually carry on by saying they thought I was South African, Spanish, Swiss, you name it, I get it all. Not once have I been offended. It's just weird when people pretend not to notice.

I have had this said to me too. I'm British, born and bred, but from a place with a very distinct, but not particularly well known, accent.

I've never found it rude. People are just interested in other people, other places, other experiences. Where someone is from is part of who they are.

I don't think people feel that way about it.

I work with someone whose first language is Portuguese. I only know how to say one thing in Portuguese - good day - but the first time I said it to him, he was delighted. I used to try speaking french to someone I knew through one of my children. It was fun. Especially when I misunderstood her question and basically told her that her boyfriend loves cars more than he loves her 😂 (thankfully she saw the funny side too).

Ha - my stock response is "I like yours too." Which I do, living in the South. But I don't find it rude at all - I think it's people just trying to be friendly and make connections.