After the third time of asking I shouted

[RightThenWhatNext]

At the kids (8 and 10) for not picking up clothes from the floor. I asked three times (space of 20 mins) really nicely, gently, but there was STILL a screwed up pair of joggers on the floor, that I’d pointed to one of my early requests.

I saw red and shouted and cancelled dessert (we’ve had an early dinner today).

I’ve got a stinking cold today, my patience is thin. I was proud I’d got to three asks and had had kept my cool tbh. The fourth time I could not.

My DM was/is a shouty narc and would stomp about raging and I caught glimpses of her in me then. But I genuinely don’t know how to handle such things in any other way, and no idea of what constitutes normal. DH comes from a family where confrontation is to be avoided at all costs and thinks I needed to chill out <<helpful>>.

Is shouting by the 4th ask unreasonable?

Sometimes I shout on the first time of asking. Then they look all hurt and ask why and I say because in my experience no-one does anything until I shout so I'm saving us all time.

I find this does improve things for a little while. But honestly if they don't do things when you ask what are you meant to do? Develop a repertoire of comedy accents?! Shouting is a natural consequence of ignoring someone imo.

But the OP isn't married and in an equal partnership with her children?

Sometimes children need to stop what they are doing because their parent has asked them to do something.

They needed picking up because the should not have been left on the floor in the first place. An 8 and 10 year old unless there are extenuating circumstances should be putting clothes in the proper place. And I would fully expect my DH to pick his stuff up pronto whatever he happened to be doing if he had just left it lying around.

Tell your DH to stand over them and supervise then if he thinks that's the best way to parent. Why didn't he take over when he heard you shouting instread of hiding? Tell him you have better things to do with your time. I bet he doesn't last six months....or the house ends up a dump because he won't step up as a parent. Or do you have to stand over him to supervise him standing over them?

Normal OP. Has happened on occasion for me too, I’m pretty sure my DC ears are just for decoration at this point tbh

Pixiedust1234
Yep

Perhaps you and your DH need to agree strategy for handling these sort of situations. So you have a list of typical consequences etc or a normal way of doing things E.g. no tv until tidying is done. I have a 9 year old so I get the frustration of having to ask multiple times. We’ve tried to put some of these things in place and it doesn’t solve everything but it helps me to keep calm as I go through the process rather than having to think on the spot.

I think you're fine.

And I actually think you were right to cancel dessert. The issue isn't even clothes on the ground, it's your kids not obeying you after you asked them multiple times to do something fairly quick and easy to do. If there are zero consequences for this type of behaviour why should they stop doing it ?

Awesome, DH can supervise in future. Until then please don't feel guilty for shouting once in a while. And don't fucking apologise!

DH will reap as he sows. The kids will already know who makes sure they get things done and who gives them an easy ride and they will exploit it to DH's detriment. I was like your DH when mine were young, Took me years to realise why the kids were always good for partner and played me up. As for why did the picking up have to be done in OP's timeframe. Why not, I imagine the clothing should never have been left on the floor in the first place.

Tell your DH to stand over them and supervise then if he thinks that's the best way to parent. Why didn't he take over when he heard you shouting instread of hiding? Tell him you have better things to do with your time

Yep, there is your answer. DH takes over and you're out of it

I find it really weird when people on MN claim to NEVER shout, yeh right, I have 4 kids and my two boys fight like crazy! Sometimes I have to shout just to get their attention when they are winding each other up!