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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say no to big trip days before DS starts school

65 replies

alysthroughthelookingglass · 30/04/2022 21:23

DS starts school on 1 September. DH wants us to drive the full width of the country (5 hours) to go to a friend’s wedding anniversary over August bank holiday weekend. We’d be staying 2 nights in b&b with 4yo DS and 6mo DD and would get home on 30 August, so DS would only have one full day at home before his first day of school. DS is sensitive and takes days to settle after change, such as going away. It’s often difficult to get him to preschool after a change to routine. It will be a big party and we will be the only ones with small children. The party is being hosted by DH’s oldest friends and I’m very happy for him to go without us but I want to dig my heels in and say no to taking DC’s. I just know it will be a disaster but wanted to know whether others think IABU first.

OP posts:

GiltEdges · 01/05/2022 08:47

Chippitychop · 01/05/2022 08:34

Not sure why everyone is saying that reception children won’t start at the same time will do half days etc. In our school reception children start the same time as everyone else, no staggered starts no shorter days. They do this in the nursery stage but not reception, plus not disregarding plenty of children like mine already do full days in nursery.

Mine also started on Thursday 2nd last year so I’d say the 1st is not unbelievable though probably a bit unusual.

I wouldn’t go because it sounds like hell with two small children and no other children going nothing to do with the school thing 😁

This.

The arrogance of posters who are outright telling OP her child "won't be starting school on 1st September" whilst knowing nothing of her personal circumstances or the school she'll be sending her child to is mind boggling.

autumnboys · 01/05/2022 08:53

As everyone else has said, check the dates. Very unlikely he’ll start 1/9. If he is, then I would agree with you that it might not be optimal. One of mine struggled to sleep in unfamiliar beds and another is autistic. It would have been a bad move for both of them.

Do have a think about any little traditions you might like to start. I used to take mine to the beach the day before they went back to school. We live close and it would always be quiet that day.

MarvellousMay · 01/05/2022 08:58

Is that a confirmed start date?!
My child has been told second week of September due to staggered start.
slightly misses the point

Mariposista · 01/05/2022 09:26

sorry not buying this. it reeks of 'I don't want to go and am looking for an excuse'. Nice try!

Kite22 · 01/05/2022 18:13

How weied for so many posters to come on the a thread that starts with the sentence ‘my son starts school on the first of September’ with ‘no he doesn't.’

Not weird at all. Just parents with more experience, (and possibly teachers) sharing what is likely, or probable if the OP is in England (we know that Scottish schools start in August). You'll notice the OP hasn't come back to say that she has actual confirmation from the school he will start then, so it isn't unreasonable to assume she is working on the fact that the LA's term starts on 1st Sept.
I agree with Paq and others that it sounds like you are looking for an excuse not to go. If you don't want to go, own it.
Fab post by MRex .

Original poster

alysthroughthelookingglass · 02/05/2022 18:51

For the record, we are in Wales. School starts 1 September, no inset day. Small rural school, tiny intake, no staggered introduction. DS, as previously stated, is highly sensitive - so much so we have been advised by the health visitor to raise it with the school ahead of him starting. Is it so very difficult to see it from his point of view? Two long drives, strange house, strange people, daddy tipsy, back home, two sleeps, then the biggest change of his life so far?

OP posts:

Bordersanddragons · 02/05/2022 19:09

And yes, we are considering neurodivergence but it’s too early to apply labels yet as all we are seeing is unusual sensitivity.

CarryonCovid · 02/05/2022 19:15

It's a tricky one could you leave him with someone (GPs)? So his routine isn't disrupted ?

motogirl · 02/05/2022 19:31

It sounds to me you don't want to go? Don't make a huge deal of starting school too, he'll pick up on your obvious anxiety. Far better you simply enjoy the weekend, who won't have time to sit and worry about starting school

jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey · 02/05/2022 19:33

Honestly I think you just don't want to go.
He will be unsettled with starting school if he is sensitive.

BakewellGin1 · 02/05/2022 19:42

Fairly certain my two return somewhere around the 5th and 6th Sept..

Xmasbaby11 · 02/05/2022 19:43

Yanbu but I think it's more about the party than starting school. It doesn't sound like the party will work for your family so I wouldn't go - or just the one adult who's closest to them.

My dd has ASD and didn't do well with random events at that age. I can think of one hellish weekend with mine 1 and 3, lots of driving, expensive hotel, no sleep,no fun, total waste of time and money! Sometimes you need to be confident about just

ApertureGLaDOS · 02/05/2022 19:54

I don’t think you are BU to know what to go, but I do think you are being silly about using DS’s ‘sensitivity’ as a reason. It is incredibly more likely that he will start on the 5th, but even if he does start on the 1st he’ll have time to recover from the journey.

You do need to remove you anxiety from this though. He’ll start to pick up on it.

ApertureGLaDOS · 02/05/2022 19:55

not want to go*

EllaDuggee · 02/05/2022 19:58

I wouldn't want to do a five hour drive just for two nights away with a four yr old and a baby. You could extend it and turn it into a longer holiday, that's the only way I would go with the children . Do your friends have children? as they will get this if they do. You know your DS best. I wòuld just send DH on his own and say it's too far for the children to travel in one weekend.

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