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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To say no to big trip days before DS starts school

65 replies

alysthroughthelookingglass · 30/04/2022 21:23

DS starts school on 1 September. DH wants us to drive the full width of the country (5 hours) to go to a friend’s wedding anniversary over August bank holiday weekend. We’d be staying 2 nights in b&b with 4yo DS and 6mo DD and would get home on 30 August, so DS would only have one full day at home before his first day of school. DS is sensitive and takes days to settle after change, such as going away. It’s often difficult to get him to preschool after a change to routine. It will be a big party and we will be the only ones with small children. The party is being hosted by DH’s oldest friends and I’m very happy for him to go without us but I want to dig my heels in and say no to taking DC’s. I just know it will be a disaster but wanted to know whether others think IABU first.

OP posts:

LilacPoppy · 30/04/2022 23:18

He won’t start until the 5th at the earliest.

MRex · 01/05/2022 06:25

Your post doesn't make sense.

My DS starts reception on 7th Sept, are you sure it's actually 1st? DS is sensitive and takes days to settle after change, such as going away
Days to settle down sounds like quite extreme difficulty in managing transition, are you talking to his school and health visitor about this?
Reception class is also a big change, he isn't going back into pre-school. If your child has transitions issues then what is the plan with the school?
The drive of 5 hours is long, but it isn't clear why you can't go earlier to make a longer holiday? You're only doing the journey twice and could easily break it up with fun kid friendly stops to make a holiday out of the journey itself e.g. a zoo / soft play / etc, so I don't see why distance itself would be an issue.
The party sounds quite adult; again I'd look into local child activities so the kids have their time having fun too. Even a new adventure playground while adults chat can work, or suggest a boat trip for everyone, or whatever other activity will work for the mixed age group. If you extend the trip then you can all have

Basically, YANBU to think that dragging kids off on long journeys around the country just for an adult party won't be fun for them. YABU not to work together with your DH to consider how to make the trip fun for everyone.

Hesma · 01/05/2022 06:30

Reception never start when the rest of the school start. Plan for a lot of settling in days and full time start mid September

Not always true… at my kids school they go start full time the same as everyone else.

Do what you think is best OP

LaWench · 01/05/2022 06:33

Our reception starts with 1 week of home visits from the teacher then staggered starts on week 2 where they do a morning or afternoon.
Starting school will be unsettling no matter what.

Ferngreen · 01/05/2022 06:38

Won't the 5 hours journey take much longer over a bank holiday.

Autienotnaughtie · 01/05/2022 06:38

Our school does 3 weeks of settling in with staggered starts and shorter days. I'd forget about school and decide if you want the children to go. If no the consider is going alone an option or just dh?

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 01/05/2022 06:51

Yea he’s very unlikely to start on the 1st sept, usually INSET days then I doubt he’ll do a full day for the first week…

Lasana · 01/05/2022 06:58

YABU, I thought you were going to say two weeks in Florida!

Paq · 01/05/2022 07:06

It kind of sounds like you don't want to go and you are using the kids as an excuse to get out of it.

eurochick · 01/05/2022 07:14

I think that's a daft reason not to go. Now you will be limited to school holiday holidays and trips for the next few years it will often be the case (unless you deliberately avoid it) that you are coming back from somewhere the day before school. We avoid it if the time zones make jet lag likely but it's otherwise fine.

LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 01/05/2022 07:20

How weied for so many posters to come on the a thread that starts with the sentence ‘my son starts school on the first of September’ with ‘no he doesn't.’

Op, I agree with you. You know you child and how he reacts to things. Get the first day wrong with certain children and you create a nightmare situation for months and months. Stay home with your son, dh takes the other child.

Thissucksmonkeynuts · 01/05/2022 07:26

Have a chat with the school office about what the timetable is likely to be for reception starters. Our school doesn't go back till the 6th anyway and in reception the first children in will be those who've been there in nursery followed by 2 or 3 half days for new children in small groups.
I totally get where you're coming from having a child that has quite an extreme struggle with transitions, my first was like that at the same age. She spent the whole summer before reception on high alert about starting school. In the end we went away for the last week as a distraction and it worked really well. Holiday resorts like Haven can be amazingly good value around the times schools go back and are real good with small children.
Starting reception is a massive milestone, I found it really challenging and you know best what you and your child need.

NerrSnerr · 01/05/2022 07:31

If you don't want to go then that's fine but I don't think your son starting reception can be the reason you decline.

ChangingStates · 01/05/2022 07:32

At least 1, possibly 2-3 days at the start of term will be teacher training days, children highly unlikely to start on the 1st. Then, as others have said, if he's in reception they will stagger the start so it could be anything from a few days after that to 2 weeks before his start date.

balalake · 01/05/2022 07:42

Check as others have suggested whether it is really September 1st. If it was a wedding I'd say go, but not this one.

I think you do need to look at why your DS needs such structure/routine, as it could be that he is in some way neurodiverse. Better to find out now if that is the case (or not) than later. Things such as school trips for example will become an issue if not tackled now.

wanderingscot · 01/05/2022 07:42

It sounds like you just don't want to go to the party and are creating a story about your son starting school as an excuse not to go.

If so, just be honest. The whole thing really doesn't sound like much fun with children of that age anyway and it's the car journey that would finish off the idea for me. But we're all different

Lougle · 01/05/2022 07:49

He won't start on 1st September. He will take time to settle in school anyway. I would take him.

Ferngreen · 01/05/2022 07:49

Weddings with small DCs can be pretty boring if it's you supervising them, keeping an eye on them, feeding, trying to get them off to sleep in strange surroundings. Unless you have a hands on DH and friends to help I would give it a miss.

justfiveminutes · 01/05/2022 07:52

"Weddings with small DCs can be pretty boring if it's you supervising them,"

It's not a wedding.

I'd go. DS will get a full day of rest even if he does start on 1st Sept, which is unlikely. Don't turn down a trip just to sit at home on a BH weekend.

Chica10 · 01/05/2022 07:55

I wouldn’t go with a 4 year old and a baby . It’s going to be exhausting and stressful for you. Just give it a miss

EmeraldShamrock1 · 01/05/2022 07:59

You know your DC best, if he usually needs downtime or suffers anxiety then I wouldn't make the trip either.
He'll be exhausted from the drive.
I'm always exhausted the second day after a long day travelling.

MrsLangOnionsMcWeetabix · 01/05/2022 08:05

You know your child best. When mine started reception they were in full days from day 1 and no way would he have coped with a weekend away just before any kind of transition.

TeddyBeans · 01/05/2022 08:22

I agree with @MRex - make the trip longer and do fun things along the way. There's also nothing wrong with ducking out of the party early to make sure the kids get a full night's sleep.

As an aside, I've just checked my local council term dates and we start 1st September too.

Foolsrule · 01/05/2022 08:23

The LEA website will tell you the start of term. The school will confirm the plan for reception entry. Start with that and then plan.

Chippitychop · 01/05/2022 08:34

Not sure why everyone is saying that reception children won’t start at the same time will do half days etc. In our school reception children start the same time as everyone else, no staggered starts no shorter days. They do this in the nursery stage but not reception, plus not disregarding plenty of children like mine already do full days in nursery.

Mine also started on Thursday 2nd last year so I’d say the 1st is not unbelievable though probably a bit unusual.

I wouldn’t go because it sounds like hell with two small children and no other children going nothing to do with the school thing 😁

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