Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not host a playdate

54 replies

Icantfindtherightshoe · 30/04/2022 14:34

Hi Mumsnet. Need some input or perspective here.

This weekend I promised my DC's (DS12 and DD6) that this weekend would be just for us. Normally they go to their Dad's house from Friday evening until they come home from School Monday afternoon but he and his partner are both unwell, they also have a newborn baby (three weeks) So the kiddos are stuck with Mum.

We have an outing planned tomorrow, we're going to a Museum quite a stretch away from us but my children absolutely love it. It's been around a while, I can remember going to this Museum when I was a child with school and interacting with all the exhibits. I asked if DC's wanted to bring friends but they said No. I respected that and told Ex-husband of plans. He said he'd pay since technically he's meant to have the kids this weekend.

Ex SIL found out and came up with the idea that she could invite herself and two of her Mum friends and their children from her daughter's school. To me it just screams "playdate" and I know I'll have to keep a whole gaggle of children happy, safe and fed. I don't want to do that to my kids, I have vivid memories of my parents planning trips for me then letting other kids come along at the last minute or when we'd already made the plans. They have lots of friends both where I live and where their Dad lives twenty minutes away from us. They have plenty of days out and friends regularly come around for tea to mine and to their Dad's. My kids love to socialise. They are not short on interaction with children their ages

I told Ex-Sil I don't want to host a playdate, I want to make the most of my weekend with my children because next weekend they'll be having the time of their lives with their Dad. She's calling me all sorts of names and trying to get Ex-Husband involved. He's told her he's staying out of it and he's not paying eight children and four adults to look around a Museum. I know she won't pay herself and she'll guilt me about this for ages

AIBU to say "No. I'm making sure my kids have a nice weekend" I'm starting to feel like I am.

OP posts:
FeetupTvon · 30/04/2022 14:37

Nope, you’re not being unfair at all.
You’ve been honest with her and you are following your DC’s wishes.

ImTheFuckOffCar · 30/04/2022 14:39

Stick to your guns. Sounds like she just wants a free day out.

AnneLovesGilbert · 30/04/2022 14:39

Huh? No way would I agree to this. And who cares what she thinks or has to say? She’s a mad cow. Block her.

pinkyredrose · 30/04/2022 14:40

She can go to the museum if she wants, no one's stopping her. Why does she need to go with you?

SamphirethePogoingStickerist · 30/04/2022 14:41

Stick to your guns. Your kids don't want company and your ex has given you permission with his response.

Tell her no, do not explain. "No. That doesn't suit us" and let her get on with her hissy fit.

Enjoy your weekend with your kids.

Original poster
Icantfindtherightshoe · 30/04/2022 14:42

I forgot to mention: neither of my children know their cousin's friends. My DD has met one of her cousin's friends once and that was just a quick "Hello Goodbye" when I dropped her off at her Dad's

OP posts:
Babyvenusplant · 30/04/2022 14:43

Is she expecting her brother to pay for everyone? Bizarre!

HeckyPeck · 30/04/2022 14:44

I agree with everyone else that you're not being unreasonable.

Do you have to see or interact with her much? It doesn't sound like it would be a loss if she's annoyed with you!

Tabitha888 · 30/04/2022 14:47

Stick to your guns shes after a free weekend out!!!

KylieCharlene · 30/04/2022 14:47

Well, she can go to the museum of course, so long as she pays for herself and her dc and they make their own way there.
I'd not mention it to her again and if she says anything just say again that you're doing the trip with just the three of you but hope she has a lovely time if she chooses to take her dc there too.

TabithaHazel · 30/04/2022 14:49

She's calling me all sorts of names - wtf, she sounds unhinged! Stick to your guns OP and have a great day out :)

Original poster
Icantfindtherightshoe · 30/04/2022 14:49

@HeckyPeck I rarely see her, I think I see her three times a year at most: DD's birthday, DS's birthday and Christmas. She gatecrashed DD's birthday last year. Our kids don't go to the same schools, SIL kids go to a school I didnt even realise WAS a school. It's madness, she gets on both mine and Ex-Husband's nerves

OP posts:
CuddlyCactus · 30/04/2022 14:58

You are definitely not being unreasonable.
You've already told her you want a day with just you snd your children. Now just ignore her, don't engage any further and enjoy your day out with your kids.

Georgeskitchen · 30/04/2022 15:00

Oh God I hate when this happens, people gatecrashing your plans. This has happened to me in the past and in the end I stopped telling anyone where I was going
You are definitely not being unreasonable. Don't respond to her and just enjoy your own weekend

crimsonlake · 30/04/2022 15:01

I do not read this as you will have to host anything, basically they will be tagging along....However given that your ex for some reason has your children every weekend I can understand why you would quality time alone with them at this venue.

NarcissasMumintheDoghouse · 30/04/2022 15:05

It would completely change the dynamic of the day.

You've planned, and promised your children, a them-and-you experience, where you can focus on them getting the most out of a location you know and love.

Having a bunch of other kids involved too, including some you don't know, would blast right through that.

You don't want to have to not-go-in-that-gallery because someone else's kid (on mum) thinks its boring; to have to continually stop what you're doing because yet another one needs the toilet; to have to continually liaise with other people about where we go next; and to have to negotiate snacks and meals and stuff.

Particularly with a SIL along who calls you names if she doesn't get her own way.

No, be firm with everyone that you promised your kids a day-with-mummy-day, and that's what you'll be delivering.

NarcissasMumintheDoghouse · 30/04/2022 15:05

P. S. Enjoy it - it sounds lovely!

honeylulu · 30/04/2022 15:18

There isn't really a problem. You've said no. Your ex is in agreement (not that it's his decision but nice there's no conflict). All your SIL can do is moan. Let her, miserable scrounging cow.

notanothertakeaway · 30/04/2022 15:23

Did you ask / tell her not to go, because you're taking your kids? In that case, YABU. It's a public museum.

Original poster
Icantfindtherightshoe · 30/04/2022 15:24

Thank you everyone, really. I'm sat here eating a cadbury's caramel bar and I'm feeling utterly miserable, not because of the whole pkaydate thing but because ex-sil is being cruel. I think my Ds and DD are picking up on it and have taken themselves off to their rooms to have some quiet time. A treat is in order tonight, I think. Anyone want to come over for a curry and an episode of Friends? 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
Icantfindtherightshoe · 30/04/2022 15:26

@notanothertakeaway Ex Sil invited herself after finding out our plans. My Ex-husband paid for me and my DC's to go out because technically they're meant to be with him but he and his wife and child are sick. I didn't say anything to my Ex SIL. I hardly see her. Her kids and their friends dont even go to my DD's school. And none of them are remotely old enough to go to my DS's school because he goes to High School (Secondary School)

OP posts:
skodadoda · 30/04/2022 15:28

YANBU

Eddielizzard · 30/04/2022 15:29

Ignore her. In fact block her. Your ex can deal with his sister. Why on earth would you facilitate her when you don't get on?

Whatsmyname100 · 30/04/2022 15:29

Why are you even entertaining this for more than a second. She is your ex SiL and treat her as such. I'm not sure why you are giving her reasons and explaining yourself to her??

girlmom21 · 30/04/2022 15:30

YANBU. She's a nightmare.

It's good you've got a decent relationship with him. It was kind of him to pay for your day out.