To be really scared of getting old

[Sophia91]

I’m so scared of getting old and losing my looks. I was talking to a friend last week who said it’s all down hill after about 35. Im also bothered about health, more so than looks, but these things are really playing on my mind.

Sorry to be harsh, but I care far less about what someone looks like compared to what they can do. What can you offer to those around you? What skills and knowledge do you have? If all you've got is a pretty face and nice nails, then that's not much to offer and if it is all you've got, it's not doing to last, so best come up with something else.

It's not really unreasonable - it's impossible to switch off worries just because Mumsnet tells you to!
However it is ALL about health. Some of that is out of our hands, but you can help yourself by keeping active - walk rather than drive/ride whenever possible. Move about. I'm 62 but feel much younger. I'm lucky to have excellent health and try to maintain it by cycling and walking.
I know I look a bit shit now because my bloody bank app keeps making me blink at the camera! But it matters less than it did.

My body has gone to crap since about 37, knees gone, bad back, stomach and heart issues, BUT I'm more self assured than I've ever been, more relaxed, and loving life!! Oh and I think I look much better now actually! Hugs op, some things will wreck your head if you think about them too much X.

If I were you, I'd also stay away from the countless threads about being 'invisible' in middle age, how it all goes to pot after menopause, how older women can never be attractive etc as by their nature they attract women who feel this is the case, so give a bit of a skewed perspective. Out here there are plenty of us living great lives, looking and feeling fabulous, happy as we ever were when young, if not more so. Look around you and find some older women who are what you would like to be when you reach their age. They are definitely out there, and will cheer you up.

@5128gap absolutely love this! Thanks so much xx

A rich inner life never ages, it just keeps getting more rewarding with the passing years, if you pay attention to it of course.....

I'm 50 and I'm still good looking. Do I look 50? Yes.

Completely agree OP. I worry about this a lot, people saying you're being silly are being unreasonable. We are human at the end of the day and not perfect - yes perhaps there are more important things to worry about but doesn't invalidate how OP feels!

I am Worried about health too.

I’m terrified of dying so I’m hoping to get very very old and put it off as long as possible.

I’m in my 40s so can’t comment on further down the line but, while I do have to take a bit more time with my appearance, skin care etc, I’m so much happier than I was in my 20s. I care much less what people think, am healthier and just don’t worry so much. There are good things about all ages but you don’t get to discover them til you’re there I think

Since I Had a health scare, I’ve got a bit fitter and lost some weight. I have a very part time low stress job, I socialise, appreciate and enjoy life. The small things in life matter- seeing family and friends , enjoying being in nature.

Oh dear. So sad for you. 35 is young, believe me. You will be beautiful in many different ways throughout your life. I’m 76, yes I look different from when I was in my thirties but with good skin care, sensible diet and exercise I’m told I still look good. On the other hand I never smoked and was never a heavy drinker.
Both my DM and DMil lived til their late 90s but looked 10 or 15 years younger. Their beauty regimes were similar. Washed their faces with soap and water, applied simple moisturisers Nivea or Ponds) a slight touch of lipstick and that was them for the day.
Enjoy what you have now and don’t dread the future. You still have lots of fun interesting and satisfying things ahead.

Op enjoy the now. You’ll regret not just enjoying things when you’re older and wonder why you worried instead of enjoying being young. Health is a worry but just control what you can and that’s it.

ive never really had ‘looks’ to lose tbh. But even so I can’t say I’m enjoying watching the wrinkles, body changes etc as I age and I’ve always looked younger than my years so it’s not great I’ll admit.

However if I do cringe at something I see I remind myself that I am very grateful that I’m here and so far I’m healthy at 42.
im doing everything I can to stay that way, nutrition, exercise, fun, friends and family, experiencing life where I can.

Nothing is ever certain in life and in a society that focuses so much on looks and materials, they are the things that matter the least in the end I guess.

@Handyweatherstation what do you mean? I have 2 children I am told I am a wonderful mum to? Nice husband, lots of friends, have a job? Is that enough?

I wouldn’t say I am super successful money wise

I'm 60 and really enjoying life! Mind you, never had any looks to lose😁 Every cloud, eh?

You sound very sad and shallow ... surely there is more to life than what you look like? . I am mid 60s, loving my life, job that I really enjoy, hobbies, friends, interests etc etc, Sure I don't look like I did in my 20s but who cares? I have just come off the phone from a chat with my 88 year old DM, she was so happy and positive - has had a lovely day pottering in her garden, having breakfast and lunch outside, looking forward to a nice evening meal ... she could be sad and miserable, widowed last year after 60+ years of marriage but she is so full of energy and enjoying life.

OP, I'm not going to go down the 'there's more to life than your looks', or 'be grateful you are still alive' route. That's all true, obviously, but most of us are lying if we say we're not bothered about looking old.

I am 50 and getting older isn't a bundle of laughs, because I don't look as good as I did when I was 20. I do still look good, but not as good as I did. More like "very good for 50". I have always looked a bit younger than I am (which was annoying when I was at university and still looked 12).

However, I have spent most of my life sailing around with people saying how pretty I am, so I feel the relative loss more than I might feel it if I had spent my entire life being plain.

I am certainly not invisible to men, though, to my relief. And I dress very demurely, so am definitely not attracting attention by flaunting any flesh (not much to flaunt as I'm very petite).

Only tips I can give you, OP, are don't smoke; don't believe the hype that 'middle-aged spread' is inevitable (it isn't); don't lie in the sun because it makes you look old and withered; don't drink too much alcohol; don't wear make-up as it makes you look older; and do use a good eye/ face cream with an SPF (Boots Number 7 is good and is often part of some kind of special offer).

I would also say that I would now be much less bothered if I dropped dead tomorrow than I would have been 10 years ago. Now, my children are grown up, so it would be sad but not a tragedy. 10 years ago, they would still have needed me so it would have been far worse. I have now done my job of getting them safely to adulthood, which is the one job I have done well.

Well we are all going to get old. May as well look at the positives. Older / wiser, you can hope. You're probably going to look back and wish you hadn't wasted your younger years on feeling old when you weren't.

Having a job, hobbies, enjoying life, being a good parent, partner, friend, contributing meaningfully to the world around you and looking good are not mutually exclusive. You don't have to trade one for the rest. If it's important to you it's perfectly possible to have it all.
I care about people, politics, the environment, social justice, art, music...I also care very much about how I look. I don't think I'm shallow.

I disagree, I don't think 'most of us are lying if we say we are not bothered about looking old' . I don't give a toss what I look like or if I am 'attractive to men' ... I care about being a decent human being and hopefully contributing to the community and world in which I live.

I think you can try to be a decent human being and still care about how you look. You don't have to "let yourself go" just in order to make a contribution to society. I recently had a job where most of my colleagues have dressed like tramps and looked far older than they are (mostly men, in fact). I thought it was even more important in that role to look good and dress well, as the young people with whom we were working would otherwise have assumed that looking old and trampy was all they could ever aspire to.

health is more important to me I think, leaving the kids prematurely fills me with dread. I’m scared I won’t see them grow up, i sunbathed, used sun beds in my youth so feel doomed with the looking old thing, men age better than women apparently so I worry my DH will trade me in for a younger woman 🙄…pathetic I know

You need to find other things to value and not just vanity. Ageing brings increasing problems and its not all to do with your face. Its ageing parents and their problems and illness. Just wait until the menopause hits you then you will not give a flying feck about "being invisible to men!"🙄