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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really upset about my wages

100 replies

Andzelikaa · 30/04/2022 08:52

I recently asked for a payrise as I’ve been struggling for money due to the increase in cost of living. I hadn’t had any sort of pay review since before lockdown or even a one to one. My manager actually thought I was on more money than I was getting and sprang into action. I was brought into a meeting room and told by a director that my hard work is greatly appreciated and I would get a payrise which would be in my April wage. The director who told me this also told me to make sure to check my payslip to make sure it went through ok.

I checked my bank account on payday and my payrise had not been actioned. I am abroad and have not been in the office so I emailed my manager who at first apologised and said we’d get it sorted. He then emailed me back saying no the payrise was only going through in my May wage that’s how payroll works. I replied disputing this as it wasn’t what I was told and he completely ignored me. I know he has been in the office.

i feel absolutely embarrassed and humiliated by this and wish I hadn’t asked for more money as this has stressed me out so much. I feel that I was lied to my face and ignored. AIBU if I complain to HR? I’ve never been one to make a fuss but I’m so deeply hurt and feel even more worthless than I did before.

OP posts:
PumpkinPie2016 · 30/04/2022 09:35

I understand that you might feel frustrated and disappointed that it isn't in April's pay, however, I think you're overreacting a bit to say you feel 'utterly humiliated and worthless'.

It sounds like the director thought it was possible in April but due to cut off dates it wasn't so it will be May.

I would be pleased that you have negotiated the pay rise. Maybe a follow up email along the lines of 'thank you for clarifying that the pay rise agreed by X will take effect from May' and then you have it in writing.

GaspingGekko · 30/04/2022 09:35

i feel absolutely embarrassed and humiliated by this and wish I hadn’t asked for more money as this has stressed me out so much

So because the payrise is being actioned a month later than your manager thought you feel embarrassed and humiliated and wish you weren't getting a payrise at all?
This is an extreme reaction. What is behind this? Have you pre-emptively spent the money? Did you kick off to your manager about not receiving it?
Honestly I think you need to look at why this situation (which is crappy, I agree, but surely just a minor inconvenience) is causing such inappropriate emotions.

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 30/04/2022 09:36

I've not had a pay rise or review for over three years. It's shit op

The other girls I work with are on minimum and apprentice pay and got their payslips this week and there was no reflection of the new increase in rates Hmm

I rang the director and told him and he was totally unaware it had gone up Hmm

Not that I believe him at all to be honest however it was remedied and new pay slips for the girls generated.

Not once did it get mentioned about if I would get any raise at all and my payslip is normal so I figure yet again the cost of living clearly hasn't gone up for me Hmm

So after over twenty years of service and the highest earner here by far I am only on less than £50 a week more than the juniors.

It's shit op

Chilledchablis1 · 30/04/2022 09:36

Why do you feel humiliated ?

MrsLargeEmbodied · 30/04/2022 09:37

they have just missed the deadline no doubt, these things take time
let them sort it

Frogslegsbigfeet · 30/04/2022 09:37

Andzelikaa · 30/04/2022 09:30

I was NOT promised it would be remedied.

just to be clear I was told I would have a pay increase effective in my April wages and now I’ve been told it’s only from May. No mention of backdating it.

I feel embarrassed as I feel very stupid for being led to believe I was going to get more money this month. I felt embarrassed asking for more money in the first place.

can uou stand back and see how concerning this is? You asked for a pay rise and got one. That’s great, and as there is a four week confusion you feel embarrassed, humiliated, worthless and wish you weren’t getting one at all?

there has to be something more to this as your reaction is so extreme and unhealthy.

monicagellerbing · 30/04/2022 09:37

Massive overreaction. You've been lucky that they've agreed to a pay increase in the first place!

LizzieMacQueen · 30/04/2022 09:37

Is this leaving you short of cash so you can't return from abroad, that must be frustrating for you. Or are you one of those lucky employees who are allowed to wfh from anywhere?

TabithaTittlemouse · 30/04/2022 09:38

You are getting a pay rise, that’s all that matters.

LondonQueen · 30/04/2022 09:39

It will be backdated in May's pay, this happens often.

grapewines · 30/04/2022 09:41

Make sure that you get info on the payrise in writing.

To feel humiliated that your payrise is a month late is an extreme overreaction.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 30/04/2022 09:41

are you in debt?

CecilyP · 30/04/2022 09:42

You often find directors don't actually know how things like payroll work and say things that they don't know aren’t true.

This. Or they may have delayed getting the information to payroll. People in senior positions can be very disorganised. I know it must be disappointing but you are taking it way too personally.

littlemousebigcheese · 30/04/2022 09:43

Is it because you're abroad and were hoping for money to spend?

You did great asking for a pay rise, and getting one obviously means you are valuable to the company so focus on that!

PlasticineMeg · 30/04/2022 09:45

Savingpeoplehuntingthings · 30/04/2022 09:21

Big over reaction for a pay rise being one month later than you expected.

I’m afraid I agree with this. Especially as you seem to be on holiday?

Ferntastical · 30/04/2022 09:45

Well done for asking for a salary rise! That often takes a bit of gumption and maybe the nerve it took is why you're reacting so badly now.

Take a deep breath and wait. Whilst it's not ideal, unless anything is in writing, these delays almost alway happen. Someone somewhere says they can do it for April but doesn't realise Bob in finance needs it approving by Mary in the SLT but Mary is on leave for a week. Mary then needs to check with Louise first and that take a few days and before you know it, the deadline has past.

As pp have suggested, it might be worth trying to unpick why this, fairly normal, setback has had an impact on your feeling of self worth - if you think that will help you.

Otherwise, perhaps take comfort in knowing we all have these situations at work (I once waited six months for a rise, that was said to be 'imminent' and 'being signed now'). It came in the end.

Original poster
Andzelikaa · 30/04/2022 09:45

Thanks so much all, I have major pms at the moment so really needed a harsh talking to because I suspect I am being hysterical. I’m quite conscious my hormones are mental right now so thankfully I only emailed my manager very basic short worded sentences with zero hint of emotion. I didn’t phone him as I knew I wouldn’t remain professional.

I was told I’d get it in writing but this typically takes ages in my workplace.

I am just going to calmly speak to the director when I am back Tuesday and ask for it to be backdated.

OP posts:
Original poster
Andzelikaa · 30/04/2022 09:47

PlasticineMeg · 30/04/2022 09:45

I’m afraid I agree with this. Especially as you seem to be on holiday?

Show quote history

No, some people need to travel to visit family.

OP posts:
DorothyZbornakIsAQueen · 30/04/2022 09:47

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but stuff like this needs to be followed up in black and white.

Back up any conversation/meeting, with an email. 'Thank you for the meeting today. For clarification you/we agreed on x/y/z.

This doesn't just go for wage talks. It goes for all verbal agreements made. It makes life easier for yourself.

Your reaction is way OTT

-You asked for a pay rise
-Your work was praised
-A pay rise was agreed
-Cut off date for payroll was missed/slight miscommunication
-You were advised you would receive your rise next month

What is the issue here? Have you spent the money you've not received?

Rikitikitardis · 30/04/2022 09:48

Have you already spent the extra money you were expecting on a credit card, or promised it to pay somebody? Is that why you are humiliated and upset?

PlasticineMeg · 30/04/2022 09:49

But it’s still a huge expense travelling abroad to visit family, what I’m saying is you’re not struggling to put food on the table without this pay rise?

I would be very careful about kicking off about money - I have staff and I wouldn’t be impressed that it was delayed by one month when I had already agreed to the pay rise, and they went nuts and demanded I act quickly. If you hadn’t been paid or had been underpaid I’d understand but you got the same amount as last month presumably?

MrsLargeEmbodied · 30/04/2022 09:51

you are of course allowed to be upset
it is disappointing,
you were agreed,
i am sorry there has been a delay

Original poster
Andzelikaa · 30/04/2022 09:52

MrsLargeEmbodied · 30/04/2022 09:41

are you in debt?

No debt whatsoever and I hadn’t budgeted with it so certainly won’t starve - I absolutely dread to think what my reaction would have been if I was seriously struggling. I think the issue is I felt very undervalued at work and then thought I was valued and my pay increase would have been proof of that. The main issue really thiugh is I need to get medical help for my hormones.

OP posts:
MrsLargeEmbodied · 30/04/2022 09:52

i think most people would react less extremely, most people that i know struggle to even ask for a raise, so good for you.
it will come

NeedAHoliday2021 · 30/04/2022 09:56

You got a pay rise because they felt your work reflected a standard and level that pays more (which is great). You didn’t get a pay rise because you need more money. Sounds like your manager missed the deadline for payroll. Doing back pay will require lots of forms and if you don’t have April in writing I imagine they’ll let it slide to be honest. Your reaction is ott but you know that now.