To think my DC is too clever for state secondary school?

[GeniusCreator]

DC is Yr7. Top of year according to what I’ve been told. Read the full series of Harry Potter books by 7 years old. Excels in STEM subjects. Spends ages at home researching science stuff like quantum field theory and nuclear fusion/fission and enjoys it! Designs his own websites and writes his own code for his own games. Primary school were always pretty amazed by him. Secondary school have picked up on him now and have said they’ve never seen anything like him.

He’s already mentioning being a bit bored in class. We live in what could be described as a deprived town and are not well off, no family to help out, so would never be able to get him into a private school. I did check with the private school in the next town but there are no scholarships available.

WIBU to try to crowdfund for private school fees?

He needs a much higher level curriculum than the state school one to continue stretching him. I honestly think he’s destined for amazing things.

<only slightly light hearted>

I have a very bright DS, as you can see from my user name we live in Hastings which has some of the worst performing schools nationally. I absolutely shared your concerns that he would have been bored in our local school (has been in special measures forver) and as a previous poster said in a deprived area I worried about crime and drugs.

Luckily we managed to circumnavigate this by sending him to a SS grammar over the Kent border. But there is no way on this earth his needs would have been met in the local school. He has just turned 18 on track for 4 A*s one of tbe highest achieving in his highly selective school and yes has a place at Oxbridge from October.

Without wishing to seem unpleasant but the majority of parents think that their DCs are clever and above average.

I know your son is in Y7 but in terms of secondary education its early days. He was seen to be able/top of class in junior school - but big fish in small pond.

Now in secondary - small fish in a big pond and there will, almost certainly be those who are his academic equals.

The majority of pupils will report back that their day has been boring.

I’d put more emphasis on producing a happy well rounded teenager than a clutch of high grades.

There’s more to education than exam passes.

This could be me writing about my son 20 ish years ago. Top of Y6. Went to secondary and came across his equals. ( how do I know this? - he was a pupil at the school I taught at - I saw the figures, test scores etc. We could have hot housed him, gone for private education etc

We decided he would be happier where he was. Looking back we made the right decision.

Ask if he should be considered as gifted and talented. ( that could open further doors at school). Continue to provide opportunities out of school. Take an active interest in what he does both in and out of school.

Please don’t be taken in by the sometimes false promises/idea that paying for education means it will be better. Some private schools are crap. Some are good but have done their pupils no favours - Boris, Jacob I’m thinking of you.

By all means try crowd funding but I’ve more chance of getting vets fees paid for a broken kitten’s leg than you have of school fees.

It's great to be a proud parent but it sounds like all is going well with your son. I'd just stay the course and trust that he will continue to learn and explore on his own, as he does now. He's already extending himself and developing interests. You just need to be responsive to providing opportunities that interest him.

As a caution, I offer that I was similarly bright and the academic recognition didn't do me any favours. It became so much how I defined myself, won the approval of my parents, my defense mechanism was that I was smarter and could out academic people. Everyone thought I was cut out for great things. Unfortunately despite the talk up everyone gave me, I was wanting greatly. There were a lot of unmet needs, ambitions and issues that were able to be hidden under the crutch of academic brilliance. My parents would have told you I was fine and doing well too.

Please let your son know his value beyond academics.

PS: I disappointed everyone's academic expectations with my life choices and don't regret it one bit. My heart hadn't really been in the direction I was pushed.

There are many very simple truths that can be applied here.

If he is truly exceptional (ie. a prodigy) he WOULD be flagged for scholarships and you would have been approached. Child prodigies in early high school years are not simply working 'at the top of their classes', but at massively massively advanced levels outwith curriculum that high schools provide (state or private).

Very very clever children (which I think would be a fairer assumption), do fantastically in a range of educational environments, including states schools, if encouraged, enabled and supported.

Very very clever children often burn out in their early adulthood. The pressure (even if you don't intend to put pressure on him, you ARE, by taking this attitude at all) high achieving children are put under often lots of different pressures just by the adults around them valuing their intelligence highly in an open manner. Gifted child burnout in late high school, college/uni or early adulthood is INCREDIBLY common - they can find that without the expectations of others that they are meeting to please people, that they have simply run out of motivation. They rarely learn to study properly unless actively taught, because they take everything in like a sponge and test fantastically with little to no study. They read books like most of us drink water and they become completely used to (and expectant of) the constant praise and pride of being and doing 'better' than peers.

Let him be a child, facilitate any interests he has that you can, listen to him chat about what he's fascinated with and let him excel if he excels. I was your son (though a daughter), 18 years ago. I burned out, became completely riddled with the anxiety of not living up to expectations and didn't pursue further education due to my mental health - despite on paper being, yes, 'remarkable'.

It's not that rare, he is unlikely to be the next Einstein, and if he's going to be - he will find a way regardless.

There is a lot of literature on gifted-child burnout, I'd suggest having a read and calming down a little bit. (Though I've no idea why anyone would suggest you shouldn't burst with pride and other very normal reactions to your own child's achievements!)

I’ve read his WhatsApp messaging where he’ll talk about random science stuff and they’ll be 🤣.

this suggests to me that he's maybe not picking up on social cues and things despite on the surface having a large group of friends? * *

** high achieving children are put under, often comes from lots of 'invisible' pressures just by the adults around them...

Not sure what happened there. I definitely wouldn't be outed as a previously gifted child by my writing on here. 😅

The top boarding schools offer full bursaries so no school fees. Google the list of top schools and ring up the admissions departments. For example, Google the parent power list 2022 for the top independent schools. He might get scholarships to schools like Westminster, Eton, Winchester etc - if you can part with him (the holidays are extremely long).
To be honest though his school sounds like they are really celebrating him. Sometimes that is great for a child’s confidence and motivation.

btw both my DS’ and DD read all the Harry Potter books in Reception and Year 1, don’t think that is unusual.

This is what I came to say. The private schools are full of thick kids whose parents happen to have plenty of cash.

I'm clever but I know of 2 geniuses in my that went to my state high school.

If you want your children to go to a private school you need to see if any provide bursaries which should be a percentage of the cost. The rest you will have to find.

I doubt your crowd funding will work. You will need fees for at least 5 years!

FWIW, one of the most academic people I know, truly brilliant on a world scale, really struggled in school until their teens. Years of extra help. You'd never have guessed where they'd end up. There are many accomplished people who failed school or dropped out of university too. Life tends to take it's own course.

I still remember the look of disappointment on the face of my school principal when he bumped into young me with a baby in my arms. They expected great things of me. I still say my kids are the greatest thing I've done though.

Ffs😂😂 nahhhh pay for your own little genius to go to private school. Get a bank loan and he can pay you back when he's making his millions🙄

Listen to @CallipygousElephant
If you are real, your awe and wonder over your child is really unhealthy OP. He's not the second coming of Christ, and your hyperbole is just making people roll their eyes. But more importantly, burn out is real, and I watched it happen to my DD.

We had no reason to expect it. She seemed really happy and motivated, was a high achiever in everything she did, and just breezed through school. She had lots of friends and was looked up to and it all seemed effortless (though she worked very hard, she enjoyed it).

But post uni, and having achieved a first, things stated to unravel. And as an adult perfectionism and anxiety came to the fore. She told me that she wished she'd failed at something at school because she would have learned to handle not always getting everything right.

I expected her to have a golden life, but it's not like that. I wish I could go back and do some things differently.

Sounds like he’s teaching himself things. You can’t expect school to do all the learning for him, if he’s self motivated he’ll do well. School is also important for children to learn social skills and make friends., becoming a well rounded individual.

This. That burnout is very real and extremely painful. Don’t do it to your child.

Where do you live? There must be a selective school within travelling distance. I know in London kids travel an hour or more a day across the city or to bordering counties for a selective school place.

Crowdfunding a private school place won’t work. You’re talking into the tens, maybe hundreds of thousands. Be realistic!
You’d be better of cobbling together money for tutors and extra curricular stuff to stretch and challenge your child.

Bright kids can and do thrive in state schools. If your child is self motivated to study independently that’s also a huge factor. I went to a state school, was bright, made friends with some very clever kids.
One went to Oxford and is an eminent psychiatrist , one to Cambridge and is some sort of Maths whizz professor , one is corporate lawyer, one an MO, and another a headteacher.

*MP

There's plenty of resources and communities online for gifted kids. I wouldn't stress about private. Plenty of parents on here complaining that their kids were discriminated against getting into Cambridge because they went to private school.

I thought similar when I read this ...

How is his writing skills? Geography? Can he cook a meal? Is he able to kick a ball? Modern foreign language? What about History and Art? Is your son excelling in every area? Secondary school is about a range of subjects and ensuring a well rounded education. What makes you think private would be any better than state? Teachers are trained the same so you would be getting the same professionals. Wealthy people are not always academically gifted so you will still get the same range of learning levels as you would in state.

My son was always top of the year too but he’s been fine in state school, he applied to Oxford this year, but is off to St Andrews Uni, he works super hard but he’s also had a lot of fun playing football etc. He got all top grades at GCSE and got 96-100% in his recent mocks! We would have stretched to private school, but it would have meant sacrifices for the rest of the family and he’s always been happy at state. Ultimately if you can’t afford it you can’t afford it. Look at other ways to stretch him and speak to the school, they might have a gifted and talented programme

Wishing to go back and do things differently might not have changed things if you could. After my own experience, I did differently with my children. Tried to be more well rounded and show them their value beyond academic brilliance. Guess what? Other adults picked up on their capabilities and did it instead. It might not have made a difference.

@GeniusCreator - before you Deere look up the group ‘parenting high potential’ on Facebook. You’ll get more sensible advice from people who understand

Sorry that should have said ‘before you leave..’

Light-hearted as in a complete joke and I would never consider for a second asking strangers to pay for my son's education or light-hearted as in let me drop this in and see people's reactions. If I get torn a new one I'll probably leave it but if I get a bit of encouragement my next click will be to go fund me?