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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband wants me to wake sleeping baby

101 replies

Valais · 29/04/2022 15:13

We live in a building with a shared washing machine and only one weekly laundry slot, which is today (in two hours' time). Our baby is sleeping on me and DH is refusing to go and buy the laundry card from the concierge because it is my "turn". He wants me to pass the baby to him (and likely wake her) so that I can do it. I think he's being ridiculous and said no. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Valais · 30/04/2022 12:48

Yeah, totally not my husband, though. He speaks French (learned as an adult) and English (mother tongue), and already has B1 German. He just gets awkward and embarrassed, but he can definitely do it.

OP posts:
tuliplover · 30/04/2022 15:05

The fact you guys take turns to this extent is ridiculous, but aside from that there's nothing wrong with waking a sleeping baby. I did it all the time with mine - I didn't want their naps in the day to be too long, or I'd wake them at night gut a sleepy feed before I went to best etc.

TooManyPJs · 30/04/2022 15:11

ShirleyPhallus · 29/04/2022 15:15

You’re both being a bit ridiculous tbh and I can see how you’ve reached this impasse in pettiness.

the baby will be fine to be passed over and likely easily rocked back if she stirs. But equally, it’s no big deal to just go and get the laundry token.

rock paper scissors on who goes and who gets to stay with the baby?

That really depends on your baby ime! Mine would have woken and screamed the place down!

wombat1a · 30/04/2022 16:30

Valais · 30/04/2022 12:48

Yeah, totally not my husband, though. He speaks French (learned as an adult) and English (mother tongue), and already has B1 German. He just gets awkward and embarrassed, but he can definitely do it.

And that's it in a nutshell, you're trying to force him into a situation where he'll get embarrassed and pretty much every man I know will do anything to avoid that - including looking after a now awake baby as it will save their precious egos.

Skidamarinkadink · 30/04/2022 19:25

I get why you don't want to wake the baby, you don't have to justify that. Sleeping issues can be hell.

He is BVU. If he insists, you say to him beforehand, if the baby wakes it is entirely HIS problem, to deal with a crying baby for the next 4 hours. Then go out and do something for yourself.

ChocBloc · 30/04/2022 19:31

You can't live life taking turns for everything regardless what else is going on. Not with a kid.

BoffinMum · 30/04/2022 20:11

Wombat, they all manage to speak multiple language in Switzerland …

Bubblesandsqueak1 · 30/04/2022 20:24

God you are both petty and so are most of these responses if you normally work on turns which is batshit hand him the child and go

NamechangeFML · 30/04/2022 20:26

dont go and dont hand wash his stuff

Deadringer · 30/04/2022 20:32

Ridiculous to wake a sleeping baby so a grown man doesn't have to do a small chore that involves walking 5 yards. Just ridiculous.

Tilltheend99 · 30/04/2022 20:37

ShirleyPhallus · 29/04/2022 15:15

You’re both being a bit ridiculous tbh and I can see how you’ve reached this impasse in pettiness.

the baby will be fine to be passed over and likely easily rocked back if she stirs. But equally, it’s no big deal to just go and get the laundry token.

rock paper scissors on who goes and who gets to stay with the baby?

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha…

Maybe your baby

tootiredtoocare · 30/04/2022 21:14

Two babies! Oh my.

MrsTerryPratchett · 30/04/2022 21:24

Having lived in a few countries, it is just constantly a feeling of dread about having to have a long conversation with someone you don't care to, about things you don't care about, in another language. It is work.

Also though, I had a non-sleeper.

I wouldn't want to be either of you Grin especially with the slot!

gianaInfertilitySucks · 30/04/2022 21:28

I love these funny cute little disagreements, me and dh always end up laughing at ourselves and having increadible s@x

If you're being serious... maybe you're both too tired with the baby and you guys need a bit of down time to relax

Mizztikle · 30/04/2022 22:51

If its that much of an issue write him a note, that way he can just hand over the peice of paper not have to ask the question. Sounds silly but so is disturbing a babys sleep for no reason.

Bleachmycloths · 01/05/2022 06:45

He is a man- child twat. I hope you get rid of him. He will only get worse. Child like excuse because he clearly doesn’t like doing the laundry. Waste of space.

Mrsmozza123 · 01/05/2022 06:55

Our rules:

you wake, you take
you smelled it you 💩Change it

But also, we don’t have turns, we have compassion. Who does what is loosely planned but it all comes down to who has most energy that day, who’s had a tough work day or has other stuff that needs doing. It works because we are both fair.
what is your other half planning to do while you juggle the Landry and a sleeping baby?

THEDEACON · 01/05/2022 08:48

Pass him the baby put a wash on and then disappear for the four hours go out have a coffee whatever I guarantee he will do as asked next time !

HeleninBrazil · 01/05/2022 13:59

I would gently pass the baby over to him and be relieved to get a chance to go out a little - he will have to rock the baby to sleep again or at least distract her a while, won't he? I don't see the problem.😊

ilovemyelectriccar · 01/05/2022 14:24

As regards a once a week laundry slot, I used to live in Switzerland where it's very regimented as mentioned earlier. We had a once a fortnight slot (!). We were a family of four and I couldn't physically get the washing for four of us through a single machine in one day - the slot finished early evening. I used to sneak in at 7:00 in the morning on some other days when I knew other flat dwellers were at work. I lived in fear of getting caught!! Never any chance of planning to do anything else on laundry day..

NeverDropYourMooncup · 01/05/2022 15:26

wombat1a · 30/04/2022 04:53

I think some of the comments here re the language barrier don't understand the struggle some people have with languages. DH (medical researcher with PhD) has lived here for more than 20 yrs and had 1,000s of hrs of language courses but still can not speak anything beyond numbers and about 10 items of food and simple directions such as left, right, ahead. He has just taken a midterm for his latest course 10 weeks in and managed to fail it yet again. This is the 4th time he has taken this course, with 2 different teachers. You can give him a sentence to say in order to do something and in the time it takes for him to get from me to the person he get it mixed up. We've done the whole only speak to him at home in the language and it just means we don't speak to each other because he can not understand me and he can not say things to me. Now because so many people have laughed at him trying to speak with the language he will do anything to avoid having speak it, because people are cruel. Some people are just unable to do some languages in the same way some people just can not do maths or chemistry.

B1 level is sufficient to be able to undertake study in that language. It's the minimum level permissible for international students to obtain a student visa for the UK and a condition of funding for under 19s, including refugees.

The descriptors are

Can understand the main points of clear standard input on familiar matters regularly encountered in work, school, leisure, etc.
Can deal with most situations likely to arise while travelling in an area where the language is spoken.
Can produce simple connected text on topics that are familiar or of personal interest.
Can describe experiences and events, dreams, hopes and ambitions and briefly give reasons and explanations for opinions and plans.

B2 is enough to actually study a degree in a foreign language. He's pretending to be below A1.

He has to get over himself and start using the German he has because otherwise, what happens if the DC has an accident or shows symptoms of a life threatening illness? Wait for the OP to come home? There's a reason why kids are taught how to talk to a doctor long before GCSE level - and asking for a card when they already know the words to use is more an A2 level, just like 'I have toothache' is something you learn somewhere around the middle of year 8 during your two lessons a week.

Marvellousmadness · 01/05/2022 15:57

I always woke mysleeping baby when i needed him to be awake for whatever reason. Howeverrrrr this just sounds like your dh being a dick. And he sounds like he'll be a man that wont win a medal for best husband. Or best dad.

Purplesunflowers · 01/05/2022 16:04

Just wanted to add another note of support from a fellow mother of a baby with reflux. We moved heaven & high water to avoid waking her when we eventually got her to sleep as a baby (my other child was completely different so it’s not just me being precious!). Parents who’ve not had a baby who won’t just ‘rock back to sleep’ really don’t get it! Oh & your husband was being ridiculously petty.

Pumpkintopf · 01/05/2022 16:09

Your husband was being ridiculous to insist on waking the baby rather than go and ask for a card in German. For goodness sake. He needs to get a grip.

Inkyblue123 · 01/05/2022 20:47

You are both being silly - but that happens when you have a baby and a ridiculous laundry routine. Send the laundry out or hire a mothers help to do it. Although I must admit I would be tempted to go and do the laundry myself and then check into a premier inn for the night.

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