To be p***ed with DH about this

[user16465]

8 year old DS is currently poorly with a bad sore throat. It's making him very upset as he's in so much pain any time he tries to swallow so has barely eaten for the last couple of days but is managing some liquids. He's been sick and brought some of the liquids back up again today though. We're keeping him dosed up on children's paracetamol/ibuprofen day and night but he's usually struggling again within an hour or two.

I'm really busy at work this week as have a number of deadlines to meet. DH is on annual leave and had a number of things planned, meeting up with various friends. He was out from 4pm yesterday at some work drinks, leaving me to look after poorly DS and 6 year DS2. Came back totally drunk at 11pm and was no help during the night when poorly DS was awake frequently in pain. I think I've had a maximum of 4 hours sleep each night for last couple of nights as I've spent half the night comforting DS!

Today he was due to meet a friend for lunch and was really put out when I told him I couldn't work and look after DS at the same time and so suggested he would have to stay home. He did stay to look after DS but wasn't particularly happy about it.

Tomorrow he's supposed to be leaving in the morning to travel to visit a friend and won't return until Saturday evening. I know it's a really good friend that he hasn't seen for a while but how am I supposed to explain to my employer that I can't work properly as have to look after my child while DH is off socialising?!

AIBU to think that, considering he's off on annual leave, it should be him looking after poorly DS tomorrow instead of going away for the day/night? Or is it the sleep deprivation that's making me grumpy?!

Really disappointing. Frustrating, rage inducing. I can only agree with you. It's hell. Someone will no doubt be along to tell you to tell him to pull his finger out his arse but why the hell should you have to? Selfish man!

Hope DS gets better soon.

Re the going away thing - if situation was reversed and you were on annual leave and due to be going away would he expect YOU to cancel? Would you?

His behaviour this far has been shit though. Fair enough he went out in the evening but can't believe he had to have you point out he shouldn't go out for lunch!

YANBU
But why haven’t either of you (but especially your DH) taken your DS to the GP for a throat swab? The level of pain, the length of time it’s gone on for, the inability to keep fluids down….these are red flags for a throat infection that probably requires antibiotics to clear up. Your DS doesn’t seem to be the priority here.

Of course he has to look after his child if he's off work and you're not  How on earth does he think he can swan off and leave you to do childcare and work at the same time? Of course it sucks but hey that's parenting.

DH was on holiday when DD got Norovirus and I had to work - if he'd announced he was off for a jolly and I'd have to watch her while working, I'd have been stunned!

Can't he just go to his friend's tomorrow evening after you finish? Why does it have to be in the morning?

He’ll just have to go once you’ve finished work, won’t he? Sucks, but he’s a parent and children come first, work comes second, socialising comes last.

Plus he needs to be on the phone to the GP to get an emergency appointment tomorrow morning.

Why haven't you had your child seen by a doctor? He could have strep.

I would say he should be cancelling his trip and staying home to look after your poorly DS. If it was the other way round would he be expecting you to cancel your trip? If so, he should absolutely cancel his.

I would also be getting a GP appointment for your DS ASAP or if none available taking him to a pharmacist or walk in centre. Sounds like he might need something a bit more to help this clear up.

Hope your DS feels better soon and that your DH starts to understand how tough you've had it this week with juggling work, caring for DS and everything else

We had a phone consult with GP yesterday who, as expected, said it's probably viral, not to worry if DS doesn't eat for a few days, ring back in a few days if worsening or any signs of dehydration. It's not worsening, just painful (which GP was informed of), and DS is not showing signs of dehydration so we haven't phoned back yet. Should we have done? I hate seeing him in pain but antibiotics are rarely the answer for sore throats as they're usually caused by a virus so antibiotics won't work.

Was already planning to call GP again tomorrow if no improvement so will see how he is overnight.

If the situation was reversed would you even want to leave your sick child? Maybe it's just me but work or no work, I couldn't imagine going anywhere if my child was that ill.
DH sounds like a selfish dick.

If roles were the reversed I would probably cancel as wouldn’t want to leave DS when he’s like this. Would DH ask me to? I’m not sure. If it was a weekend and he didn’t have to work he’d probably tell me to go but, if it was a work day and he was having a busy time at work, I’m not so sure he would!

This. Has he seen a doctor?

imagine being a parent and taking annual leave with no intention of doing any parenting!

For those asking why he can’t go after I finish work, his friend lives 2-3 hours away so he would get there too late for the night out they have planned…

Honey and lemon will relieve the soreness if he can drink it.
Boil the lemons in a pan of water and use this warm juice with honey (try to get Raw or organic) and get him to sip it, several times a day, otherwise just spoonful of honey every couple of hours.

You don’t have to tell your employer your DH is away with a friend, you just say your child is ill, can’t go to school, so you have to be able to look after him.

Annual leave time is precious, and your DH has already missed one catch up with a friend on his presumably limited time off. I wouldn’t begrudge him being away tomorrow.

I’d also go back to the doctor. All the times me or my family have had sore throats that make swallowing painful, antibiotics have got rid of it within a couple of days.

He needs to get a grip, it’s called parenthood.

But they could plan something different and still hang out! Get beers in, takeaway etc.

How was he going to go before you finished work anyway? Who was supposed to be watching the DC even if they were healthy?

He can stay until 4pm and then go if he really must surely.

He could wait until 2isn though couldn't he when you would have done the most of your working day? This would be the minimum I would expect.

I think you need to take your child to see a doctor. Ring 111 again and insist on being seen. If painkillers aren’t working to the point you’ve detailed he really needs to be seen as it does sound bacterial. Insist on it.

Unfortunately, you don’t get annual leave from being a parent. Kids tend to get sick in a least convenient times, but you can’t just carry on as normal and expect the other parent to care for them as “you’ve got plans”.

All the best op, and yes your dh needs to put family first before socialising

Your DH is an appalling parent and an appalling husband. No thought for your situation or that of your child.

If he goes off to visit with his friend, change the locks.

I can see both sides so I haven’t voted.

Your work obviously trumps his social life and if your son is really ill then he’ll need to cancel.

However I don’t know how much looking after your DS actually needs.
Surely it’s more a case of him staying in bed all day relaxing and it’s not a new illness.

So it seems pointless your DH cancelling again just to sit at home and give him paracetamol every 4 hours.

Obviously if he gets worse then he needs to stay home but I think there could be a compromise - he could leave at midday after giving your DS his lunch and paracetamol and then he should be ok until you finish.