To be p***ed with DH about this

[user16465]

8 year old DS is currently poorly with a bad sore throat. It's making him very upset as he's in so much pain any time he tries to swallow so has barely eaten for the last couple of days but is managing some liquids. He's been sick and brought some of the liquids back up again today though. We're keeping him dosed up on children's paracetamol/ibuprofen day and night but he's usually struggling again within an hour or two.

I'm really busy at work this week as have a number of deadlines to meet. DH is on annual leave and had a number of things planned, meeting up with various friends. He was out from 4pm yesterday at some work drinks, leaving me to look after poorly DS and 6 year DS2. Came back totally drunk at 11pm and was no help during the night when poorly DS was awake frequently in pain. I think I've had a maximum of 4 hours sleep each night for last couple of nights as I've spent half the night comforting DS!

Today he was due to meet a friend for lunch and was really put out when I told him I couldn't work and look after DS at the same time and so suggested he would have to stay home. He did stay to look after DS but wasn't particularly happy about it.

Tomorrow he's supposed to be leaving in the morning to travel to visit a friend and won't return until Saturday evening. I know it's a really good friend that he hasn't seen for a while but how am I supposed to explain to my employer that I can't work properly as have to look after my child while DH is off socialising?!

AIBU to think that, considering he's off on annual leave, it should be him looking after poorly DS tomorrow instead of going away for the day/night? Or is it the sleep deprivation that's making me grumpy?!

I don't get it. How/why is he taking a week's annual leave in term time when you have two kids. Unless there is a v good reason why he can't take it in school holidays?
Unless he has zero choice about that, that alone should tell you he isn't engaged with family life

All my & my husbands annual leave was for childcare, we didn't ever have time off at the same time.
it's only in the last year or so we have had decent time together and that has been thanks to an affordable holiday club that started up.

I think re throat if things aren’t getting better by day 4 then see the dr. My son had a terrible sore throat a few years ago and it seemed to get worse and he wasn’t great at all. I’m a nurse so was waiting it out but I couldn’t see him like that any longer he did get antibiotics and difflam spray - tastes gross but works well. My son had big puss covered tonsils and the gp was lovely. I wouldn’t worry re eating but drinking is important and phone dr back tomorrow if he’s still the same and still in pain despite the painkillers, ask them also to weigh him and prescribe painkillers based on his weight if you can he might be able to get a bit more, which might help.

As for your husband, not much to say but to be off on leave whilst your wife is working, caring for a sick child and exhausted and still expecting to carry on without a thought to you is just selfish. It wouldn’t make me feel cared for and loved that’s for sure!. Take care op and hope your son is feeling better soon.

You need to take him to a doctor! He should have gone when he started having trouble drinking he may need antibiotics. Ring 111 for an appt with out of hours doctors if need be.

Did you miss the part where OP has deadlines? It's not just about justifying oneself to one's employer.

He had a lot of ‘me’time planned in his leave any way didn’t he?
Ive never being one for stopping people doing or going where they want to tbh. If he doesn’t see himself that’s this is inappropriate then I’d carry on, but it would diminish him in my eyes.

If it is tonsillitis it can be bacterial as well as viral

I've had it many many times, and most of them have been bacterial infections, so required antibiotics.

Your 'D'H is selfish. It's not like his friend is at the other end of the country, it's a night out, there'll be more. Can't imagine a decent person would choose to go imo, they'd realise they're needed at home.

Do you also take a weeks annual leave to get blind drunk with your mates and let your husband work and do all the parenting? Would you expect to carry on with the drinking and socialising if your child was worryingly ill?
I personally cannot fathom such behaviour, its so immature. But so long as he is prepared to do the exact same thing for you I guess its fair. I would make sure he understands that though and you will be expecting the favour returned. And start planning your week off.

Have you done a covid test. My throat was like I had such on razors when I had covid.

Your poor son.

I'd be on to the GP first thing in the morning (or even the non-emergency number now). You're quite right OP in saying that throat infections are often viral. Some are not, some are bacterial infections. Tonsillitis would require an antibiotic to clear it up. Also some times if you start off with an throat infection, it can progress to an ear infection (and vice versa).
However, if it hasn't made any significant improvement by tomorrow morning, which would be at least 4 days from the onset of symptoms, you should see a GP in person so that they can properly asses him and make an in-person clinical diagnosis.

Has your son been gargling with a Disprin? That could help with the pain.
Also try to get him to eat jelly or icecream (or both but the jelly has more water in it and it's cool on the throat).

As for your DH, he should of course not have to be asked to stay to care for his son. He probably will flit off to meet up with his mate but if he explained to his mate that he can't meet up before 6pm (if you finish at 4pm) then that's what is going to have to happen.

Please tell your DH that he needs to return on Saturday by 3pm at the latest as you need to catch up on very necessary sleep. (Get yourself a sleep mask for your eyes if you can in the next 24 hours so that you can head to bed straightaway when he gets home.

I’m glad you spoke with a GP, but the GP said don’t worry if he doesn’t eat…not if he cannot keep down/swallow fluids. That is actually a concerning worsening. And if he can’t keep down fluids, he’s going to be slowly dehydrating. My DCs have all had strep throat which is a serious bacterial throat infection that requires antibiotics. It can also progress quite quickly in children depending on the strain of strep. I would call back if there is no improvement by tomorrow.

I do agree with@Onwards22

What does looking after an 8 yr old with a sore throat actually entail?

My dc just sleep when they're poorly.

I agree.

The poor OP on little sleep, sick child, busy job, and a waster for a husband.

Where do women find these losers?

Most men would just know what has to be done, but not the wasters that populate MN.

Mind yourself OP, he's no prize.

Agree OP. Your husband’s social life is not your employer’s problem. He should step up.