Does anyone else have to force themselves to socialise?

[OneTiredMama30]

Just wondered if it's just me or if it's more common that I thought!

I'm a introvert, I prefer being with my immediate family and my books and cats. 😂
I've always been like this but still when I was younger I did have a group of good friends who I saw once a month or so. They were also introverts so it worked pretty well.

Then I moved away and while I've made new friends. I really struggle to socialise.
They always want me to host in the evenings at mine and I just find it so stressful leading up to it.
I don't have a lot to talk about (different interests I.e I love conspiracy theories and politics and science and they enjoy talking about their kids and gossiping) and find myself just nodding and agreeing till it's over.
I've hidden myself away for a while due to pandemic (it was amazing!) and now it's over (well sort of but that's another conversation) I'm having to socialise again and I'm finding myself having to force myself to meet up with these new friends.
Sometimes I enjoy myself but other times I feel like I'm missing out and could be doing better things with my time.
Is this normal? I never struggled with my old group of friends and could quite happily chat to them for hours about things!
I should properly mention I'm autistic too so do struggle with social skills to a degree.

Not sure how normal it is but I can certainly relate. I have a couple of close friends who I enjoy spending time with, but if I'm being honest I prefer time spent by myself. It's hard for me to meet people I really connect with, and social interaction is just so draining, even if it's been pleasant.

Do your new friends never take their turn to host at theirs?

No they never host at theirs. at first I didn't mind so much but it does grate on me now a little.

I'm glad it's not just me! I felt guilty thinking I could be spending my time doing something better and I really feel like I'm missing out on my normal family routine. Thing is when I'm not socialising I'm not even bothered by it either I never think "oh I've not heard from Sandra for a while maybe I should see how she is." I'm actually quite glad I'm being left alone!

Oooh I love conspiracy theories and unsolved mysteries

You just need to find your tribe again OP!

Don’t ask me how - Certain circumstances have meant I’ve lost touch with some friends and I’m struggling to find people like me at the moment.

I have a small set of good friends but I’m very much the outlier and don’t share a lot of their interests.

One thing the pandemic definitely showed me is that there are maybe 20 people I can be bothered with. I'm pretty indifferent to everyone else.

Gosh that’s a lot 😉 outside of family and DH I probably have 5 😬🤣

I was including family there...

Since Covid I’ve found I can’t be arsed socialising. I walk my dog, say a jolly hello to passing dog walkers but that’s it. Talk to my two oldest friends ( who live 100s of miles away) on FaceTime every couple of weeks but have no desire to join a class/club/volunteer/ go to the pub. Prefer my dog to people😊

You need to find a new group of friends that you have more in common with. And it's very cheeky of them to expect you to host every time!

Yeah I increasingly feel like I prefer no company to bad company.

Why do you feel you have to socialise? They sound like they might be taking advantage if they always expect you to host. Just enjoy your alone time and don't feel you have to be hosting when you don't want to.

Why are you bothering to socialise with people if they just gossip.
Find a group to discuss Conspiracy theories if that's your thang.

I'm an ambivert, Party animal and social Queen, Close friendships are absolutely vital for me on a day-to-day basis and I'm the 1st to a party. But I also like being home alone. A lot. And I make sure that happens, often.

Because they badger me to meet up with them. They don't stop. I've said no quite a lot of the times but every week it's relentless of how they miss me, how we need to catch up etc so I eventually say yes in hope they leave me alone for a few weeks months after.
That sounds awful. I'm not a sociopath I promise.

I am exactly like you! If people think you're strange, then I am too!

Friends should make your life better. You should want to meet up with them and enjoy spending time with them. If you don't, why are you friends with them in the first place?

It's really odd to waste your time on these people if you don't actually like them very much.

Friends and maintaining friendships is optional OP :)

Over the years I forced it but I'm now in my 30's and just CBA. The whole covid thing made me accept that i'm just not a friendships person. I am much happier in my own company, without the lingering pressure to check in with people, catch up, get a date in the diary to meet etc

Maintaining friendships in adulthood has always felt like a chore. The only time it hasn't it when I was at school/college/uni and it was essentially handed to me on a plate because i'd see them every day in class and was automatically grouped with folks with similar interests.

I don't feel my life is missing anything and i've been significantly happier since accepting the fact that friendships are optional and doing my own thing.

Some people thrive in social settings and feel friendships enhance their lives. If you're not one of them, don't force it. A little interacting online once in a while with likeminded people I find more than enough to fill my social tank so to speak.

I'm similar but also I guess a bit opposite! If I'm going to socialise I'd much rather people came round to mine, assuming they know not to outstay their welcome 😁 I don't know why, I just like being at home I guess! I do force myself to go out though and once I'm there I usually enjoy it. Just never really want to! I'm going out on Saturday night and I'm dreading it but I will make myself go!

I'm not really sure why I'm friends with them to be honest, I think I'm to polite to say to them about having different interests. I'm also not really sure how to get out of the friendships without blanking them! I've tried to distance myself but if anything it makes them worse and more clingy to me.
I've explained before about hosting is a little to much for me especially in the evenings but it seems to go in one ear and out the other so to speak and they continue to ask me when they can come over so I just feel pressured and accept.

I think I'd be happy without the friendships, I do have less intense friends local to me who I see now and then with DC or say hi in the street and I'm much more comfortable with those.

Yes don't need friendships to be happy. I'm happy binging Netflix in the evenings with a cat cuddle or reading to my DC. I'm never bored being in my own company, DH has friends who Pop over and that's more than enough social interaction for me.
I think I need to say something to this group but I'm not sure what.

You sound extremely anxious and lacking in self esteem. Just say no. It's easy. Re hosting. And also say you want to see them less. And tell them you'd prefer to talk about subjects that interest you.

Why are you unable to do these 3 basic things?

This. And if I were wealthy enough to never need a favour (or had an OH to give me a lift to get the car MOT’d or or listen when I need to talk through a tough decision etc) I probably wouldn’t bother. I have to be more sociable than I’d like because I’m a lone parent and I DO need a lot of favours. And while people are very nice, it’s not a super comfortable position to be in. You need a fair few favours when you are a lone parent, there’s no way around it.

It’s mostly that I don’t really feel I have the resources to meet my own needs, let alone anyone else’s right now. And I’m very content with my own company. Also, I don't have the social budget friends do (especially as I always need babysitters etc) and its really hard to host socials on your own. A dinner party is beyond me at the moment, although I do try and have people over for drinks etc.

The autism makes things a little harder for me. I'm always trying to mask and to tell people straight is out of the social realm for me. My parents also kept telling me when I was younger that sort of behaviour is rude and I should be friends with everyone and I think that plays a part.

Ah ok. I missed ASD mention in previous posts.

Me, if I could just live my life in my house with my daughter, my cat, Netflix, good books, food, and wine I'd be very content. I have friends - close friends but it's always an effort to meet up and something I do because I feel I have to rather than because I want to. I don't mind texting with them or the odd phone call but I really don't feel the need to be around them physically. Saying that, I enjoy being around my mum and family in person so maybe I just need different friends 😂

I can't see where you mentioned ASD.

Sorry at the bottom of my original post.