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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband driving a stranger around??

66 replies

Fleur786 · 28/04/2022 10:11

I don't know why this just isn't sitting right with me.
Husband went out in the night for late night prayers at mosque and relayed the story next morning when I saw him.
Basically he had parked up in Morissons carpark where a womans car was not starting, and she had no battery on her phone. She had just bought the car and had made the journey here from Middlesbrough.
So he tried to start her car, no luck so he let her sit in our car to charge her phone. Once charged she claimed she had no one to contact and that had a sister on the other side of town.

So for some reason he drove her around, whilst on their drive she finally got a phone call from the guy she bought the car from and then they made their way back.
Now I have no problem with him helping her charge her phone, try to start her car etc.
What doesn't sit right with me is him taking her in our car to her sisters home. Could she or him not just ordered an Uber??? Or could not find someone else to jump start the car?? Or direct her to the mosque where she could have charged her phone and find somewhere safe to wait till the mechanic came???

He thinks I'm being silly and over reacting, but I don't know why I just don't like the fact he had a random woman in the car driving around at night.
She was incredibly stupid to get in the car in the first place (your in a different city, in the night in a carpark, no phone, like come on your asking for trouble)

Am I being unreasonable??
It just isn't sitting right with me...

OP posts:
Baggal1983 · 28/04/2022 12:55

Honestly - YABU. My husband has helped out other people and I have absolutely no issue with him doing that. In fact, it is one of the reasons I fell in love with him. Random acts of kindness to others.

Testina · 28/04/2022 12:55

It’s a bit odd.
Bottom line, you’re posting saying it doesn’t feel right to you - and you’re the one that knows him, and was witness to any subtle verbal or body language cues this morning.
Are you usually irrationally jealous?
If not, I trust a poster’s instinct.

Testina · 28/04/2022 12:57

My husband and father would both do kind things like this. But attempting to start a car and then expecting to drive to the other side of town and back would make them much later home than expected. Even if they knew I was asleep (or my mum, on dad’s case) they would text at the time in case I woke up. So I’d find it odd to only hear about it next day.

IncompleteSenten · 28/04/2022 13:02

She's lucky your husband is a decent human being.

She's the one who took the risk, not your husband.

ancientgran · 28/04/2022 13:06

Popopopo · 28/04/2022 11:11

She's lucky she bumped into a nice man and not a nutter. I would be proud of my DP helping a lone woman at night personally, many people would have just ignored her.

He's also lucky. My lovely uncle very kindly gave a young woman a lift when she said she was stranded. Once he drove off she told him she wanted money (can't remember exactly how much) and said she was going to report him to the police if he didn't give her the money.

He drove to a police station and reported her, she meanwhile ran off but it was very traumatic for him.

I don't know what the answer is, obviously leaving a woman stranded isn't a good idea but lots of issues to consider. Maybe ordering a taxi for her would be safer.

ancientgran · 28/04/2022 13:07

Sorry that didn't make much sense. She said she was going to report him to the police for indecent assault.

Rinatinabina · 28/04/2022 13:10

Yeah

a) your DH is a really good and kind man who didn’t want to leave a woman stranded
b) he’s seeing someone and got clocked while she was in the car

tbh thinking about what DH would do, he’d let her charge her phone at a push he would offer to order her a cab or drop her straight to her sisters house but driving around aimlessly sounds a bit odd tbh.

He’d also probably call me and tell me what he was doing over speaker phone so a) I know where he is and b) she’s reassured another woman knows where she is incase she’s scared of him.

I means its the middle of the night and she’s with a strange man.

yeah I danno I could be wrong but doesn’t sound right to me either

arethereanyleftatall · 28/04/2022 13:15

Your response here is not good at all op.

Testina · 28/04/2022 13:23

I think it would help to clarify your post. You say he “drove her around” which is a really odd way to describe “he drove her to her sister’s”.

And then, late at night, the car seller answers and agrees to come straight out - when it’s not something that can be just jump started - from another town.

And having bought a new car, this woman had driven from Middlesbrough to another town - not her own town, but her sister’s? - but gone to Morrison’s on the other side of town quite late…

It could be the OP’s telling of it rather than any actual oddness. But it all sounds - patchy?

As I said, OP is the one that knows her husband and heard them story.

Testina · 28/04/2022 13:25

And surely, if you can’t start your car and your battery is dead but you’re in Morrison’s car park, you… go into Morrison’s?

Instead of getting into a stranger’s car.

And if Morrison’s is closed - what were you doing there, on the opposite side of town to your sister’s?

Like I said… patchy.

Imelda03 · 28/04/2022 13:33

Testina · 28/04/2022 13:25

And surely, if you can’t start your car and your battery is dead but you’re in Morrison’s car park, you… go into Morrison’s?

Instead of getting into a stranger’s car.

And if Morrison’s is closed - what were you doing there, on the opposite side of town to your sister’s?

Like I said… patchy.

This ^^

I agree you should help those in need to keep safe. I do think the story is a little patchy though.

LampLighter414 · 28/04/2022 13:47

Could he be having an affair OP? And told you as a cover story - perhaps he was spotted or something

Fluer786 · 28/04/2022 13:54

Sorry my account got deleted so I've made another but had to change the name ever so slightly but I am the OP

just to set the record straight I do not think my husband is having an affair of any kind with the random woman, like I said in the original post I just didn't like him driving her back and forth from the carpark to her sisters home and back again.
As others have said he could have been accused of anything, put in any kind of situation or seen by anyone who would have come up with any kind of conclusion as some of you already have.

He has a heart of gold and always goes out his way to help, I think he just didn't think clearly when she stepped into the car when other options are available e.g. an Uber; which personally is much safer as the car is tracked through the app and is noted who is driving.

As I said I find it incredibly silly for a woman to step into a man's car who she has no idea is, or where she was going.
She had travelled via coach to collect her new car and found herself in a carpark with a car not working and no battery on her phone. A dangerous situation which any pervert could have taken advantage of.
For her sake I'm glad my husband was there to help, just the car bit I found unsettling.

Anyway I've explained my feelings and he does see what I mean and everything is fine and dandy so thanks 👍

RoomOfRequirement · 28/04/2022 13:54

Your gross victim blaming at the end there is disgusting. I can't fathom what your husband sees in you if this post is who you are.

MoniJitchell · 28/04/2022 13:55

I think your husband was kind but naive. I wouldn't be angry at him but I wouldn't want mine doing that. I would have said he should have helped but not taken her anywhere in his own car.

Fluer786 · 28/04/2022 13:57

Victim blaming?
Sorry love it's called common sense
Would you step into a man's car in a random city in the middle of the night

Testina · 28/04/2022 13:57

So your post was utterly pointless then? 🙄

Testina · 28/04/2022 13:58

Fluer786 · 28/04/2022 13:57

Victim blaming?
Sorry love it's called common sense
Would you step into a man's car in a random city in the middle of the night

Well I wouldn’t, but if I did and that man raped and murdered me… I kinda think that would be his fault. You don’t agree, “love”? 🙄

RoomOfRequirement · 28/04/2022 14:00

Fluer786 · 28/04/2022 13:57

Victim blaming?
Sorry love it's called common sense
Would you step into a man's car in a random city in the middle of the night

I could run around drunk and half naked and if some 'pervert' attacked me, that would be completely, 100% HIS fault.

Victim blaming, and I see a patronising misogynist too. Nice.

girlmom21 · 28/04/2022 14:05

So now you're perfectly happy and trust him completely and was just worried about her safety but in the OP you said you're uncomfortable with the idea and it didn't sit right?

grapewines · 28/04/2022 14:06

Thehundredthnamechange · 28/04/2022 10:23

So he shouldn't help someone in need in case you get irrationally jealous?

Yeah, have a think about this.

grapewines · 28/04/2022 14:11

So you didn't get the responses you wanted at first then?

BadNomad · 28/04/2022 14:14

He could have helped her without driving her around in his car. That put them both in a vulnerable position. Never get into a stranger's car if you are a woman, and never pick up a lone woman if you are a man.

Stoppedsmokingnowgrumpy · 28/04/2022 14:19

Actually I understand your concern that women shouldn’t really get in a car with strange men at night, it doesn’t mean you are victim blaming more as women we should take mor personal responsibility not to put ourselves in way of danger. Becayse monsters are real and we do need to protect ourselves.

on saying that though, your op is written in a very different tone and reads like you’re jealous as fuck.

AryaStarkWolf · 28/04/2022 14:21

Good on him, he sounds like a lovely man