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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I like him but his house stinks!!

37 replies

BonBailey88 · 27/04/2022 21:39

I've been seeing someone for about 4 months now after knowing him a couple of years. I also know hun mum and brother and like them both a lot. He is back living with his parents at the moment (as am I, so that's not the issue) but I went round today for the first time and was a bit shocked. They have 3 dogs and 4 cats which is fine, but it's stinks, quite overpowering, of urine. It's not like a hoarders house or anything by any means but it's quite untidy.
I don't want to sound like I'm judging or being shallow as I'm really not... but would this be a deal breaker? It sounds awful but I'd be nervous to have a drink or eat there!
I know it's not his house per se but it's where he lives currently and I just can't imagine hanging out there, im not sure I could get used to the smell.
He's kind, caring, I quite fancy him, we have a good laugh.. but I don't know it's given me the ick a bit! What would you do? Xx

OP posts:
Tania64 · 27/04/2022 21:41

Don't go over there.

Original poster
BonBailey88 · 27/04/2022 21:42

This is the thing though I don't want to seem rude if they invite me for tea or anything.

OP posts:
DolphinaPD · 27/04/2022 21:43

Go to your house.

Lunificent · 27/04/2022 21:43

Does he smell when he’s not there? Does he seem hygienic when he’s at your house?

Tania64 · 27/04/2022 21:44

You could pretend that you have developed an allergy to dog & cat fur

Dailywalk · 27/04/2022 21:46

Unless you want to be a bit blunt and risk offending him I think avoiding his house by feigning pet allergies is your only solution.

Iflyaway · 27/04/2022 21:47

Any guy who's personal or environmental hygiene is not up to standard is a big turn-off for me.

Could you imagine living with him??! 😳

Original poster
BonBailey88 · 27/04/2022 21:55

His clothes sometimes have an animal type smell but nothing overpowering and I suppose that's just because he lives there. Other than that I haven't noticed any issues with his personal hygiene

OP posts:
AzazaelsFury · 27/04/2022 22:02

Animal smell in a house that animals live is always strong and overpowering for anyone that doesn't live there or have animals themselves. They'd be used to it and not even notice. If it's messy and cluttered it's possible an animal has been or is going to the toilet somewhere they shouldn't and no one's noticed and doesn't smell it because they are always in it. If they have cat litter and it's not changed enough it will smell and again they may be used to the smell.
I'd go with pet allergy just say you've noticed your nose is running much more after you've spent time there and so best to avoid where possible.

Rainbowqueeen · 27/04/2022 22:08

When is he planning on moving out? Do any of the animals belong to him or are they all his parents?? If none are his, does he want his own in the future?
those factors would influence me

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 27/04/2022 22:09

It may be a one off - if one of them had an accident or something. I once when to someones house like this - but in subsequent visits it was fine.

EmeraldShamrock1 · 27/04/2022 22:23

It probably would be a deal breaker for me.

I have a friend who lives in a damp house that is dirty with some pets, he showers regularly and looks clean the smell sticks to his clothes and skin.

I couldn't sit in a stinking home.

Original poster
BonBailey88 · 27/04/2022 22:23

I don't think it is a one off it was too strong like it's in the floorboards or something. One cat is his and I think she's the only one he would take but she's about 18 anyway x

OP posts:
ChiefWiggumsBoy · 27/04/2022 22:28

That would hugely put me off. I don't think I could get over it tbh. But I have an extremely strong aversion to both pets and pet smells.

MissSmiley · 27/04/2022 22:29

I'm more worried that you "quite fancy him" is that enough?

RubyJam · 27/04/2022 22:31

Sounds gross
would 100% put me off
Also the living with his mother part on top of the animal smell thing 🤮

Ameanstreakamilewide · 27/04/2022 22:33

That 'pet' smell is a mixture of ammonia and something else and it just sucks all the moisture out of my eyes!

HairyBum · 27/04/2022 22:36

It wouldnt put me off as long as he had a reasonable standard of hygiene and cleanliness while living with me. He doesn’t need to be obsessively clean and tidy, just normal levels.

it’s unlikely you’ll catch anything from a teacup. The summers coming so you could visit but have a cuppa or bbq in the garden

Catshaveiteasy · 27/04/2022 22:38

"quite fancy him" stands out to me. That seems like a bigger concern.

Jalepenojello · 27/04/2022 22:40

its his parents… I hated my parents house, it was grim. Couldn’t do a lot about it without insulting them

vickyOde · 27/04/2022 22:41

My father in law is just our next door neighbor.he's got two cats and the house is so untidy !
Honestly I hate dinning that but i don't want to be rude .He likes inviting us over for a cup of tea 🙄
I can't believe how friendly people with untidy home can be 🤣.

Anyway ,I think you should talk to your "man" about the issue.
If u are a very tidy person ,then u should see this as a deal breaker as it seems like he doesn't care much about mess

Ionlydomassiveones · 27/04/2022 22:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

olympicsrock · 27/04/2022 22:44

God the elderly cat is probably the one who pisses everywhere. They have probably got used to it.

it’s gross I’m afraid. His family must be used to it to tolerate this kind of smell.
It’s a really difficult one. If he is a good friend you could broach the subject ( if the old cat is his) .

If you can’t talk to him about this then there would always be a massive elephant in the room, you would have to avoid his home etc.

I think you have nothing to lose. If talking doesn’t help and you can’t resolve it then the relationship isn’t a keeper.

Dacquoise · 27/04/2022 22:51

Not saying this will be your experience but my experience of someone from a messy, unhygienic background is that they can carry these habits with them. My exHs parents were not too concerned about cleaning and clutter (to the point we never ate or drank at their house) and my exH didn't contribute to cleaning at all throughout our marriage. I never saw him clean a bathroom or toilet in the 20 odd years we were together because he was lazy and it just never occurred to him. He could happily live in filth.

Current partner was taught to do chores send is a joy to behold! Just bear that in mind before you commit to this one.

horsemadgal · 27/04/2022 22:52

Is his bedroom clean and tidy?

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