Not let husband go car shopping with me

[itseasyasABC]

So booked in to a car dealer tomorrow to go order myself a new car and husband said he wants to come as he knows more about specs etc BUT I can pick the colour

Iv told him no so we're now arguing as I'm sick of him taking control over things lately and I want to do something for MYSELF

He bought me my first car, he picked it, sorted it, picked my insurance that I pay (expensive with a black box, their was cheaper insurance available without this box mind )

He always takes over things no matter what it is and I'm just fed up of no say?

I just want to get my own first nice car myself?? Iv never been with him when he gets his cars or picks them.

AIBU for not wanting him to come with me ??

So why haven’t you already told him thanks but no thanks?

Is he paying?

Ah sorry - you have told him no.
Well done you!

No YANBU. You're paying - you pick the spec, the patronising twat.

Oh god what a twat. Its one thing to discuss a large cost that comes out of family money that is usually something that should be decided between the two of you.

But if the budget has been worked out then if its your car you should bloody go get to choose it. With specs that suit you amd your style of driving and your needs not his. What sexist crap is this where you get to choose the colour. Is he gonna buy you pink fluffy seat cushions amd some.eye lashes for the headlights ?🙄

Go buy your car!!!

I got rid of my now ExH for many reasons but he was very much like this. One of the final straws was over some paracetamol! We were in the science museum in London with DS who was 8 months old. I had a headache and knew I had some paracetamol in my bag. I asked him to pass me my bag as I was BF DS at the time. He asked what I wanted. I just wanted the bag. He refused to give me my bag until I told him why. He then went through my bag to get the paracetamol out and gave me two tablets. I just wanted my fucking bag!! He had to control EVERYTHING.

Tell your DP to piss off! And how patronising letting you choose the colour. He'd be an ex-DP if it was me!

YANBU. I couldn't bear someone treating me like I was too daft to pick a car on my own. Is he stuck in the 1950s?

Yeah saying that she can choose the colour makes it even worse gggrrrrr

OP on what should have been a "key" day for me was when I went to collect my new car from the dealership. It was ruined by the ex, I had worked so hard for the dream car, done all my research and saved and saved. The great day arrived and he snatched the key of me and promptly jumped in the drivers seat. I remember standing there with the usual bouquet of flowers that they presented me with, and my heart shattered with the realisation my life was well and truly being controlled. He's long gone but the memory still hurts even now.
Your car, your moment, you own it!

Add DH into the part exchange.

YANBU. It sounds like there is more going on here than the car issue. Is your DH controlling in other ways too?

I’ve always bought my own car without taking dh but the last car salesman said it was very unusual. 🤷🏻‍♀️

That's really 💩. Why are some men twats?!

Doubtful that OP would get more for her money in that case...

Last time we went to a big Ford dealer for a nearly-new car, they tried to sell DH a boy-racer type, even though it was me paying for it. While the salesman went to organise a test drive and trade plates (and DH went for a wee) I spotted a cheaper, newer, v v low mileage, more basic (perfect) version.
They were both rather shocked when I bought that instead.

Genius. Please do this.

Thank you all for clearing that up 😂
He isn't controlling just likes to think he's been helpful when I DONT want it🤬

I'm very independent and I don't need him and don't want him to ever think that- as much as I love him and he's my husband?

I suppose I'm very strong headed and I do find I'm to independent for my own good and don't ask for anything but lately he has been trying to make a lot of decisions on house jobs etc. I don't mind as some times I'm to busy to be bothered and he is good at it an we have the same taste but my car is my car so it's totally different and a line he will not cross or he will be in the shed tonight

He has spat his dummy out a little an said he was going to put the extra in for the better version of the car I wanted but to be honest. It's a bloody car- Aslong as it has 4 wheels, fits everything in I need and gets me from A to B I really don't care and il be more then happy as my car now I'm sick of playing jenga everyday with the kids bags prams etc and it giving me a head ache as it sounds like a bag of shit an goes 2mph! Haha

Their is a backlog on cars been made so I would make up a lie but 1- he knows Iv not long been for my hair done so wouldn't belive this and 2- the car won't come for a few months! URGH haha

HOWEVER im exited to go car shopping ALONE and ask my questions and get what I want 😁 xx

Iv never been with him when he gets his cars or picks them.

Say this back to him. If you don't get a say or casting vote in what he drives, he doesn't get one for your car.

he knows Iv not long been for my hair done so wouldn't belive this

Why is this relevant?

Someone suggested I tell him im going for my hair done then return with the car, but only just had it done so wouldn't work !

Thank you all for clearing that up 😂
He isn't controlling just likes to think he's been helpful when I DONT want it🤬

It's dressed up to look like being helpful when it actually very much is controlling

I still haven't forgiven my Ex for not allowing me to buy the kitchen in the colour I wanted with my own money. What was I thinking

How does he know 'more about specs'? Surely you can decide for yourself whether you want air con, cruise control, what safety features etc? There's no point buying a higher spec model just to get stuff you don't want. It's a waste of money and more things to break.

Well my DH does know about this stuff so I would be happy to let him do this. We have quite traditional roles I guess, but both equally important in the relationship and the World generally.
However I do sometimes worry that I have not paid a bill this century!

Tell him this is important to you and you are going alone. End of. There is no reason for him to be involved, you are paying, it’s your car. I discussed my new car with my DH because it was paid for from joint funds (same as his was) but he left it entirely up to me. Unless I was spending more than we could afford, he would have nothing to say anyway. My car, my choice!

Unless you're about to drip feed that he's paying for the car YANBU.

Iit's the OPs car and she's the main driver, she should choose it, whoever pays for it. But seeing as the car needs to be suitable to transport their children then surely this is a 'it's family money' scenario?

But she's never helped him pick his cars so it's irrelevant